Theatric Infliction
by MirrorKisses
Summary: Slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Theatric Infliction Summary: Paint wasn't enough. The final part of Broken Paint Brushes and Artistic Revisions.**

**

* * *

**

**All I have to say is let the meyhem begin. **

**

* * *

**

Jake laughed quietly to himself as he rolled out of bed and kicked his bag of chips, which he left on the floor from the night before, under the bed. " Alex…" He wined, getting up and stretching a little and yawning before calling his name again louder," Wake up! I think the milk is going bad"

"What makes you say that?" Alex asked, already dressed and leaning against the counter. He held the container in his hand and scowled at him," You said you were going to the store to buy some more last night"

Jake shrugged, smelling his arm pits and looking around for deodorant," I was stuck at another one of this stupid Transmission Parties" He moaned, giving up and sticking a shirt on instead, he would stink for the rest of the day, but he didn't really care," There was some famous playwright there showing off his new protégé, some new two bit actor" He paused, Alex still glaring so his voice softened," I said I was sorry…look, we'll go get some now, okay?"

Alex rolled his eyes as he tossed him a bottle of deodorant," I'll be in the car"

* * *

Alex closed his eyes as Jake swerved to the left and then to the right again," Who taught you how to drive?" He snapped, covering his eyes now as Jake swerved past a cop car and through a side walk full of children. " Did you hit the little girl?" Alex asked, panicked.

"No" Jake sighed out," Alex, calm down, I learned from the best, Marco taught me how to drive!"

Alex sank lower into his seat," Jake…" He trailed off, he couldn't really talk at the moment, it was as if some twisted Del Rossi tradition was of shitty drivers.

"I'm sorry," Jake apologized, looking him in the eyes," I mean it…"

"I know" Alex nodded, reaching out slowly to brush the tears out of his eyes when he opted and jerked his hands towards the wheel of the car since Jake had accidentally gotten onto the side walk again. " Do you have insurance?" Alex murmured, sitting down again and looking out the window.

Jake nodded," Um…yeah…"

"Have another party tonight?"

"Yeah…"

"Oh…"

The car fell into silence.

"You wanna come?" Jake asked timidly.

Alex's eyes lit up," Sure…"

"A few things, you have to be dressed…um…different" Jake said, swerving around the corner to the nearest grocery store and almost hit an old lady, who at the point, looked like she was about to just jump in front of a car and get it over with.

"What's wrong with the way I dress?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow as he blinked at the bright sun light that was flooding into the car's windshield.

Jake smiled at him," Nothing…" He blinked at him, a small smile flashing across his memory quickly as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel and looked over sadly at Alex, who shook his head and took his hands and placed them together," You know, maybe you shouldn't be at those parties so much…"

"Those parties are what pay for the rent, I mean, Marco's paying for the tuition, half mind you, and then scholarship pays for the rest…both of ours, we need this rent money" Jake sighed, banging his head against the wheel, accidenly making the horn sound off and scared a woman down the block into cardiac arrest.

"But…" Alex trailed off." Maybe I should pull up a job…"

"No!" Jake shot up quickly, when Alex stared at him he sighed again," No, Alex…I …uh…I uh, owe you this…"

Alex shook his head," No you don't…we don't owe each other anything"

"Yes, yes I do. You're the only one who still believes in me" Jake pouted for a second, his eyes flashing dark colors and then making him remember the time that he had been locked inside of the car by Kyle. To say that he was unstable would be an understatement, but he was working on it, you know? It's pretty hard to have someone new fill that emotional co-dependency void repeatedly over and over again. So he was taking it in strides, he didn't want to string onto Michael anymore.

Besides, it had been three years.

So why start now?

Alex placed a hand to his head and closed his eyes, inhaling the new car scent before snapping them open and getting out of the car," Let's get the milk before we're late for Chem. class" He stopped and watched as Jake sloppily got out the car, his blue tie hitting him in the eye, even though he had dark blue sun glasses on, and his jeans, which he kept wrinkled and dirty, sliding across his skin with every step.

Alex looked uneasily at the floor.

"Are you coming?" Jake asked, turning around.

Alex looked at an old lady as she walked across the street, holding a sign that said," Beware the side walks, that's where he drives" before blinking out of his trance and nodding, "Um…yeah…"

* * *

"Move more to the left" He murmured, eyes content on getting the perfect shot and switching the lens on his camera to a thicker frame before snapping pictures in a frantic motion, 12 in all before collapsing into the chair and sighing out loud," Brilliant, everybody take 5, you all were great" As his fellow staff members went off in different directions, on assorted coffee breaks and call homes only to get a busy signal because your wife was getting busy with the plumber, he looked up again, running lanky hands through string like hair and laughed out tiredly," Andrew, you don't have to pose anymore"

Michael's face softened as he hopped off of the bench that he was posing on and, rubbing his sore ass for being stuck on there for 6 hours of photo shoots, grabbed a seat next to him and cracked a smile," Tired?"

"Like hell" He nodded, snapping his fingers as someone ran over and gave him a cup of coffee. After sipping it leisurely in silence and content he looked over at Michael with old eyes and couldn't help but admire him," I'm proud of you, you know" He nodded to himself," Very proud"

Michael blushed and looked to the floor," Sam-"

"I know, I know" He smiled meagerly, trying to place suddenly shaken hands around the coffee cup to get another sip," Damn addictions" He murmured out," First cigarettes, now this" He noticed Michael had a far away look in his eyes, so he tapped him on the shoulder, waking him out of this trance," Does it feel odd to be famous?"

Michael shook his head," I'm an actor, I am not famous, I just have an odd love for the theater" He sighed a little, wishing he could be anywhere but there before poking his mentor slightly and wondering aloud," Have you ever had this…I don't know, feeling, of some sort?" He paused, eyes struggling to focus properly and tried again," Like…something's missing?"

Sam laughed," Something's always missing, Michael. Especially with you. This is why" He adjusted his positioning in the seat as people behind them flickered and fiddled with the soundstage equipment and light fixtures," In life, we must figure out these things"

"It's too complicated to figure out" Michael said erectly, " So much to try and discover"

Sam winked," That's half the fun"

Michael gave him a hurt look as he got up out the chair and gave him a hug, his hair falling around his eyes as usual as he breathed out shakily and ran a hand through his head as well, knotting and threading his fingers through his unkempt curls he couldn't help but notice the weird sparkling in Sam's eyes. " What?" He asked, placing a hand on his jeans, a pale beige at the moment with latches and a wide loop holed belt barely secured around his waist.

Sam shrugged," You remind me of my son"

"Jason?" Michael asked confused.

"Yeah" Sam nodded, completely falling into his own memories and feeling depressed suddenly, because, fuck, he missed his son so much," You know" Sam snorted," You'd think he'd call after he heard his father was in a car accident"

Michael placed a awkward hand on his shoulder as Sam shrugged, wiping the memory away." You're going to head home now?" He asked, getting up as well, because he needed to start moving around before he lost whatever ambition that he had left.

Michael nodded, again his mind wandering off someone else," I have to go home, get dressed and put on another production of the play tonight. Are you coming?" He wrung his hand behind his back, counting off and timing himself. 15 minutes for a shower, 5 minutes to get dressed, should he eat? Did he need to eat? Was he hungry? Did he have all his lines? Did he forget anything?

"Have I ever missed a show?" Sam asked, patting his back as Michael smiled up at him and hugged him again," Okay…I better go, I'll see you later then, Sam" Michael said as he rushed off down the studio's hallway and over to his book bag, which he had thrown into the corner when he had arrived before and rushed off through the double glass doors.

"Let's get to work people!" Sam said clapping his hands," This isn't America here, we don't have loitering and crash service, let's wrap this thing up" He finished up his coffee and threw the plastic cup to the floor," And for god's sake, someone please, make me a cup of coffee that doesn't taste like cardboard!"

* * *

Robert's eyes flickered to the dorm room door as it swung open and a clearly frantic Michael stormed into it and straight into the bathroom where he could hear the shower water now running and him yelling in pain, because the water takes time to adjust and first comes out painfully hot, a thing they both know, but then again, when Michael was in a rush, he forget things. Momentarily finding peace in the fact that Michael was there was good enough for him as he returned to the book he was reading, something called "A Battle Of Epic Times" by some shitty author who couldn't write anything near being justifying or being classified as a cliché, which he's sure the author strived to be, but failed miserably.

He tipped his glasses, eyes red from crying a few minutes ago, because he was trying to figure out how the hell to make instant spaghetti and ended up cutting too many onions and next time would remember to get take out instead, and watched as Michael came into the room again, jeans slung on half way around his waist, hair soaking wet and his shirt unbutton and wet as well. "Help" He squeaked out, sounding distressed.

Robert laughed as he got up and walked over to him, his feet sliding over the cool tiles, and adjusted the collar on his shirt with two tugs before buttoning it up, all the while looking at him and smiling knowingly," Robert, can you please not do that today, I'm nervous" Michael said with a sad look.

"You're always nervous" Robert said calmly, pulling his pants up, and then smoothing down his hair, he took his own shirt to towel off Michael hair and then shoved him down on the couch," The play starts at 5, it's 3, Michael, stop worrying, you know that you'll do fine, you always do fine"

"I just don't want to mess this up" Michael said quietly," I finally found something I'm good at" He chewed at his nail, but Robert slapped his hand away, earning a glare but Robert just smiled at him sweetly and leaned his head against his shoulder," Are you ready for the test?"

"No…" Michael groaned out, burying his face into Robert's hair," I can't handle all of this!"

"Yes you can" Robert breathed out, petting Michael's hair as he curled up with him on the couch and looked at the book," The book is shit. But, I can help you out, since I am the smarter one…" He stuck out his tongue playfully at him, making Michael poke him in the chest and yelling out," I hate it when you do that!" Before pushing him off the couch and taking the book," What's it about?"

"Some guy…and some girl…and a million awkward clichés" Robert said, getting up off the floor and sitting down next to him," But we don't have to study now, we could do something else?"

"Like?" Michael asked, trailed off and looked out the window, easily nervous about the time flow.

"Snuggle" Robert said, making puppy dogs eyes which Michael hated because he couldn't help but want to go "Awww…" when he saw it. He covered his eyes," I have to study…you don't want a dumb boyfriend who can't pass a test"

"No…" Robert said, knocking the book out his hand and placing a sound kiss on Michael's temple," I want a boyfriend whose a wonderful actor, slightly paranoid and an all around basket case…" He smirked," Oh lookie, I have him right here" He hugged him tight and fell back against the pillows as Michael sighed and breathed in his scent, curled his fingers into his hair like old times, and closed his eyes.

* * *

"Hey dad" Jake said, tossing himself over the couch onto the floor as Alex appeared by him, laughing and sweaty, looking under the bed along side him, because they were hungry and the only source of food that they had was that same bag of chips that Jake had kicked under the bed earlier. 

Marco was on speaker phone in the living room, and as Jake turned around and Alex shoved his legs under the bed, stomach's grumbling angrily in unison Marco laughed, a quick laugh before you could hear typing again," I told you, if you need money or whatever, I have it covered-"

"No!" Jake said sitting up, hitting his head on the bed springs and falling back down against the sticky floor and hair getting caught in something that felt like a mix between ice cream and cheetos or a lolly pop and some candy gum. " I mean, no…Marco…shit…oww… me and Alex have everything under control"

"Yep" Alex called, trying to pull Jake back out, but got kicked in the head as Jake almost reached the bag only to find out it was a dead mouse," I think we found Dylan" Jake said with a dirty look on his face. When they had first moved in they had a rat problem inside the apartment dorm room, and they found this mouse, and they named it Dylan, because it's fur with sort of blonde looking, but it had disappeared a few weeks ago.

"You named a mouse Dylan?" Marco laughed, in the background he could hear someone singing horribly and then Marco yelling at him. " Ryan, get off of me, I'm on the phone!" He cried out in laughter," Whoever it is, it can wait" There were several sounds of what seemed to be kissing as Alex and Jake both rolled their eyes.

"Hi Ryan" They said at the same time.

"Hey Jake, hey Alex, hey, doesn't anyone remember when you used to jump into my lap…you were so adorable" Ryan rubbed his head, getting paint into it, and kissing Marco again, who slapped him, because he was getting paint on the keyboard, and waited for someone to say something.

"Anyway" Marco said, dismissing him and going back to typing," Do you have to work tonight?"

"Yeah" Jake sighed out," I love my job, you know, there was nothing I'd do more, I am so perfect at it, I love it, Love it, love it!" Alex shot him a look that screamed 'bullshit' as Marco clapped his hands together," I'm so glad…I just want you to be happy…Ryan…what the hell…what type of champagne is that, that's like 100 dollars! What do you-" Marco stopped, talking in the background," Hold on" He said to Jake and got up from his desk

Alex and Jake shared a look before both sighing out "Damn"

They weren't having dinner tonight.

"We should just steal some shrimp and shit from the Transmission Party" Alex sighed, getting up and wiping himself off before taking Jake's hand and pulling him up as well." Go take a shower, you look horrible" Alex said with a soft sigh," I'll talk to Marco while you're in there, and get some damn sleep for God's sake, you look like you have eyeliner on"

Jake didn't put up a fight as he shifted through the hall and down into the bathroom.

* * *

Andy walked up to the side of the car, he had the keys in between his teeth and was barely able to hold the groceries in his arms when someone walked up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. Jumping high into the air and dropping all his bags he wheeled around and kicked the person square in the knee," Look, I don't know Kung Fu, but I do know crazy" **(A/N: I have a shirt that says that, so I think it would be something that Andy would say)**

Brian glared at him getting up ands rubbing his knee sorely," So this is how you say hello? I thought we were beyond the whole attacking phase" He put on a charmingly wicked smile as Andy dropped his bags again and ran up and hugged him," I'm so sorry, Bri, wait, what are you doing here?"

"Well, you're the only one in Canada at the current moment" Brian pointed out, picking up the bags and smiling," Marco and Ryan are off in New York, Robert, Pete is off in some fancy arty place, Jake and Michael are in some rural state and you're stuck here, taking care of the children with Mrs. Del Rossi"

"I'm not stuck, I just love the little brats" Andy shrugged, moving back towards the car," I may have given up my life of debauchery and lust, but taking care of Tilly, or Mike, or Mark, or even Sarah is a joy" He opened the car as Brian pointed out," You didn't mention Lizzy"

"She's a bitch" Andy said with a drawled voice." How long are you in town?"

"Long enough for you to fall in love with me again, and then I'm off to New York to breathe some life into Ryan and Marco, who, from what I've heard, haven't kept their hands off each other" Brian got into the car, placed the bags in the back seat and watched as Andy made his way around to the passenger side. Once he was behind the wheel he could tell Andy was looking disappointed," What's the matter?"

Andy pouted," I never got a full shot at Marco…" He laughed as Brian rolled his eyes.


	2. My secret's for you to know

**Chapter 2: My secret's for you to know**

**

* * *

**

" Marco, look before you jump on me-" Ryan began as Marco jumped onto him, knocking his lap top over, but it luckily hit the arrangement of pillows that were on the floor from a previous night when Marco went bat shit with candy and horror films to celebrate the fact that suddenly his life didn't seem so Dawson's Creek anymore and started becoming more…real. More him. And he liked it just that way.

Marco breathed on Ryan excitedly," This is big news, you know, huge news even, why didn't you tell me that your painting got picked up again?" He poked him in the chest demandingly as Ryan sighed, reaching up and tickling Marco in that one spot, making him fall off of him and laughter and sat up, catching his breath. " You were crushing me, when did you get so big?"

As Marco sent him a death glare Ryan smiled sweetly at him and sighed," I have to leave…to be with Pete" He held up his hand as Marco stared at him, somewhat jealous," Because…" He finished his sentence," he has the poem that goes with it, and together I would earn enough fucking…money, for Alex and Jake's scholarship, plus some extra for you and me" He blew some hair out his face, rubbing his wrist because it had been under so much pressure lately," See? It'll only be a month, not even this month, next month?"

Marco glanced at the April calendar hanging in the bedroom of their apartment and then back at Ryan, who was suddenly making little designs in the carpet with his fingers, whenever he was nervous he'd do something artistic, in some weird way, Marco noticed as he got up off the floor and murmured," You can go, I'm not stopping you…what about classes?"

"I'll be taking them via on line while I'm in Paris…"

"What?"

"I said-"

"Holy shit, you're going to Paris?" Marco had a scowl on his face as he got up and went to the fridge, already planning on getting a big scoop of chunky monkey ice cream when Ryan kicked the fridge door shut with his foot, " No binge eating for you mister, and like I said, it'll only be a month…and besides" He raised his eyebrows, advancing on Marco, " No French guy can sweep me off my feet like you did" He smirked and turned up his nose, making a fake French accent filled laugh and going " We-we".

Marco smiled and pounced on top of him again as Ryan yelled out "I think Alex and Jake are still on the phone…"

"We are…" Jake and Alex drawled out, Jake fresh out the shower and Alex trying to cut the candy out of Jake's hair without making him look bald

* * *

"Michael, this is Mrs. Elliot Saunders of the play "Io Sono Inamaratto", she is quite fond of you" Michael's production agent, producer, and friend of 2 years said, leaning on the table with a champagne glass tipped into his hand and all Michael wanted to do was rip out into a rendition of "Do You Want To" and like, fuck the whole art gallery up, but instead he kissed her hand politely and used his most poised voice as he replied, "Well, I've been rather charmed with your play as well, not to mention your lead actor…" He smiled casually as Robert, who was writing in his lap top, shot him a dirty look, but he knew it was all business. **( AN: in a land far far away I had a story called Io Sono Inamaratto which I stupidly spelled wrong, because it should be Io Sono Io Inamaratto meaning "I know I'm in love" in Italian, but I deleted it. It was back in my rookie days, I was 11, and my first shot at angst having Marco in a mental hospital and memories of Dylan driving him crazy. Perhaps once I wrap this story up I'll re write it, anyways, that's a little history on me. Granted that was when I was using my on SN: AngelsDon'tSleepHere)**

"So Michael, how do you summon so much pain and emotion into your characters?" Elliot asked, she was in awe at how Michael perfect and showed angst in all it's sorrowful glory.

"I don't really know, I mean, I know that there's this place, inside all of us, this dark place where nothing matters, nothing matters at all, and it's like this dark void, swallowing you up with fear and despair and…" He trailed off, getting worked up and almost tipping his champagne glass over, but then he took a sip and composed himself, " That's where I go. Close my eyes and go to that dark place, and the rest comes naturally"

"Brilliant" She said, clasping her hands together as she leaned in, " Michael, you are a highly talented boy, I'd love for you to work for me one day, there's this play that I have in the makings, a rural drama about a boy in love with the unattainable, you think you'd be interested?"

"Much" Michael nodded his head, taking a sip of wine and leaning against the bar of the stairwell that they were all chatting in. Robert was on the first floor, near the stairwell, looking over Michael's script and trying to memorize lines as to help him if he did suddenly catch a blank spot. He kept getting weird glances from the waiters there, all slutty looking and depressed, but he shook it off as he revised one line and glanced at Michael again, who was looking dead at him in a desperate manner.

He mouthed "Save me" before turning back to Elliot and his producer.

* * *

Jake placed a tray in the back of the table and then aligned them all in perfect order, from smallest to largest before turning around, tucking in his shirt, smoothing his hair down and walking through the double doors with his fingers, all 4 of them, because the waiters were trained to use 4 and the pinky was to be used only if you lost balance of the tray, and carried it out through the crowd in a sweeping motion.

He spied Alex in the corner, hair swept back and a sad excuse for a dinner jacket on him as he made his way through the lobbies and the stairwell, hearing all this talk about this new up coming actor, for which he knew may only last through 2 plays and a sequel, or two, but he needed to focus. "What is this?" A man asked, holding the cracker with what seemed to be grape jelly on it, and that's exactly what it was, but Jake knew better than to tell him that, so he decided to go with " It's a fermented wine spread from Italy" and as the man bit into it, eyes widened because it tasted oh so fabulous, because everything tastes better when it has a fancy name, and nodded smiling and saying " My compliments to the chef"

Jake smiled and walked away. What had happened was the tray with the real ordure's on it was knocked over the balcony when him and Steve, the new waiter, were drinking from the bottle of the champagne, which they later disputed out to the rest of the public, and Steve, who was a little too drunk, laughed a little too loud and knocked them over the balcony where Jake, who was finally coming to his senses, tried to get them but failed.

There was this one boy, in the lobby near the stairs, that look familiar, with dark hair and blue eyes, hunched over the key board and fingers blurred at the speed of his typing, but Jake dismissed it, because around there, there were at least 10 of those exact same carbon copies milling around the mall right now. " Andrew is so fabulous" He heard someone gush behind him, he eased himself over to listen better as the continued," He's doing a presentation of the play again tonight, this is so perfect, maybe I can get his autograph"

As Jake set the tray down, trying to figure out who this Andrew was and how come he never saw them before, someone tapped his shoulder. He turned around, fake smiles plastered on his face to the point of almost twitching when the person asked, a boy, or should he saw man since he looked 19 now, with raven black hair, somewhat wild, but then again, it didn't look like he could control his hair, which was cropped around his soot like brown eyes as curled at the sides of his face. He tux fitted him a little too tightly, Jake was sure of this, because the guy looked more than uncomfortable as he asked in a somewhat strangled voice," Could I have a- another glass of champagne, god, I am going to pass out…" He murmured the last part as Jake nodded and went to the table and handed him another glass.

"Don't look so nervous" Jake said, taking his hands around the glass and tightening his grip for him, because suddenly it seemed to falter on his own and the boy looked up and smiled at him," Thanks, it's just that they expect all of this from me and all I want to do is be a normal teenager…I mean adult…what the hell am I anyway? What does 19 count for?"

Jake laughed at his paranoia and it made him remember an awkward moment between Michael and him.

* * *

_"Are you listening to me?" Michael asked, arms crossed._

_"Yes" Jake nodded. They were sitting by the pool, next to the park and Michael was agitating Jake as usual with brotherly love and annoying questions. He wanted to spill out theories on how theater was full of bullshit and how he'd never become an actor, but it didn't seem to look like Jake was actually…listening._

_"Because if you aren't listening to me, then I won't talk you know" Michael continued, tapping his foot, a nervous twitch he got from his dad._

_"I'm listening" Jake repeated._

_"Please, Jake, why can't you listen to me, I wanna tell you something, please?" Michael asked again._

_Jake sighed, turned around, grabbed his hands, stared him in the eye and breathed out," I'm listening"_

_Michael smiled and they ended up getting into an argument 2 minutes later on James Dean, made up 5 minutes later and went to go get ice cream 2 minutes after that_

* * *

"19 is the tween phase of adulthood" Jake said with a soft smile, eyes looking, boring into the other person, they looked so familiar, yet so distant. " Do I know you?"

"Everybody here seems to" The guy shrugged as he held out his hand," You remind me of a friend that I used to have…"

"Me too…" Jake trailed off, squinting.

"My name's Andrew" He said, shaking his hand gingerly.

"You're the Andrew that's performing?" Jake asked, searching his memory.

He nodded," Erm, yeah" He bit his lip, Robert calling him from the other side of the room," I have to go, but what's your name?" As the crowd shifted and bodies moved, Jake called out," It's Jake" and time froze, Michael half way to making a step to move and Jake turning back around to do a double take.

"Michael…he said his name was Andrew…?" He whispered, confused and in denial, " No…" He smiled as the other stumbled into the ice display that was in the middle before walking away awkwardly and glancing back," Jake…?" His heart ached, confused and not wanting to know the truth. " Naw…"

* * *

"Mr. Del Rossi" His teacher, Tommy Wilder, snapped as Marco dropped his papers to the floor by his feet. As he nimbly looked up, hands scattering around to pick up scribbled short stories, reviews and projects, he heard him clear his throat and start again, " Marco…" He said it softly, squatting down to help him pick up the papers," I didn't mean to scare you, but your essay on Modern America is due tomorrow, and I'd hate to fail you, when you're such a promising student."

"I'm sorry" Marco stood up," I just have so much to do…my son…well my son's ex boyfriend who I took in, has a play coming up, and I need to get out of here and fly over there to see it this weekend. Then my boyfriend is leaving to Paris in like a month, and my other son is struggling with his rent money, so I'm a little strained at the moment, plus-" He paused, catching his breath as the teacher looking quite interested in his life, " I have the report right here" He handed him 12 crumpled pages," Which" He sighed out, "Will now have to be re-written…again"

Mr. Wilder shook his head as he took the papers, smoothed them out, and smiled at Marco. " You're something else, you know that right?" He walked as Marco gathered his things together only to crash into someone with blonde hair and shock worthy blues eyes. " Oh damnit" He murmured, picking his things up again. As a hand decended on top of his, he looked up, locked eyes, and breathed out," Holy shit" because those eyes were Dylan's.

And they were right beside him

* * *

Tilly, now a wonderful and bubbly 7 year old, threw her book bag down on the couch and declared to Andy, who was passed out on the couch," School is horrible, they have bad fashion senses and I miss my dad…I mean uncle…I mean, I miss Michael, do you know what I mean?"

Andy moaned out "Ohh huh" as Brian sat down on top of him," Hey Tilly"

"Bri, Bri!" She yelled, jumping onto his lap and making Andy groan under the weight of the both of them, " What are you doing here?"

"Why can't anyone say that they're just happy to see me?" Brian asked, placing a kiss on her cheek and setting her down," I'm here for a while, as long as you need me…" He paused, looking at Andy," Hey, I was wondering, anybody want to go for a little car ride, a quick trip, 2 days tops?"

Tilly's eyes lit up," Where?"

"It's a secret" Brian placed a finger to his lips. " Just me, you and Andy, what do you say?"

"Hell yes!" Tilly said as Andy shook his head," I told you to stop cursing"

"Sorry…" Tilly murmured as the phone rang. She ran over to the phone as the answering Machine came on. " Hello…oh…we're not at home…oh yeah…if you…yeah…leave a message after the beep…come and leave a message people, oh yeah. Oh my god, I love you Alex!" Andy's voice sang out to the tune of the Michael song on the answering machine.

"Hey…hello?" Michael's voice rang out before Tilly snatched up the phone," Mikey!"

"Hey…how's my little angel?" Michael said, falling into the bed, having only 20 minutes before doing the play, he wanted to call Tilly to check up on her, it hurt that he couldn't be around her.

"Fine" She murmured, twirling her hair," I miss you, I love you, and oh, yeah, I am like, the only girl in the class with all these gay people in my family, it's awesome, for show and tell, I showed your picture to the class and I said " This is my Michael". My teach thinks your hot!" She blushed a little as she talked and Michael laughed and rolled his eyes, she was exactly like Adrian.

"Really?" He asked," Well, as long as you're happy"

* * *

"Jake…god Jake, you're trashed…Jake, are you listening to me…no, no…Jake" Alex yelled, running after Jake inside the small dorm room and down the hallway into the bathroom when Jake barely made it to the toilet before heaving. Alex bent down next to him, pulling his hair back and petting his back, rubbing it in small circles and sighing." Jake, god, what happened?"

"I don't-" Jake began, but stopped short, face flushed and throwing up again. Alex decided that it'd be better if they didn't talk and just held his friend close. They sat like that for an hour, even after Jake had stopped suddenly throwing up and leaned against the toilet seat, his hands around the rim and his head buried into Alex's chest, crying out sadly, whispering things, lies, words, phrases, sayings, anything and everything to try and block out the pain.

"It hurts too bad" Jake breathed out, biting his lips as Alex's hand curled into his shirt and pulled him closer to the point of suffocation. " I- I-" Jake stammers a little more, eyes watering, black out, whiting out and then suddenly he falls limp into Alex's arms, and he just pets Jake's hair, soft strokes, longingly twirling and playing with the ends of his hair before nodding again saying " I know…"

* * *

**I'm fucked currently. Read my journal. I'd love to reply but you know...I just can't right now. Love you all **


	3. Remember Fate Is A B

**Chapter 3: Remember Fate Is A Bitch**

**

* * *

: twirls: I am sooooo oddly happy. Like jumpy. Did someone ask me a question, I am kinda off lately. So um ja, I'm up to chapter 12 in writing and I have a headache from all the twists and turns and aoooowwwww ,ja. Read and be amsed. LOVVVEEE**

**

* * *

**

Alex slowly walked out of the room, Jake's incessant cries and screams during the night were taking their toll on him, he needed to study and the way Jake was yelling, he knew he couldn't do it there. He decided to go across the hall and study with his friend, Ari, an exchange student when Jake's misty eyes looked up and he called out," Alex…don't leave me here like this…not alone…"

Alex wheeled around, caught. " I'm not leaving you" He lied, " I'm going across the hall real quick"

Jake nodded," O- okay"

Alex didn't come back until the next day.

* * *

Marco picked up his papers and shook off Dylan's stare, " Um, sorry, I'm a little bit clumsy"

"Marco?" Dylan asked, shocked. He began to reach out when Marco broke away, switching to his Italian accent," Excuse me…?" The accent was rushed out. " Whose Marco?"

"I'm sorry….you just, remind me of someone-" Dylan began when Ryan came running up the hallway, " Marco, Jimmy and Spinner called, they want to talk to you…and come on already, I have this bottle chilling in the…" Ryan stopped, looking at the guy next to him," Dylan?"

"Ryan?" Dylan asked.

"Marco?" Ryan glared.

"Ryan…" Marco sighed.

"Marco?" Dylan asked.

"Dylan…" Marco blinked.

"Dylan…" Ryan murmured, glaring.

"Alex Kapranos" Marco said, standing up.

"What?" Ryan and Dylan asked.

"Well, I got tired of saying you two's name…I uh…have to go, bye!" Marco said, running down the hall…and into a door. " Christ!" He yelled, falling over it again before picking up his papers and then running into his teacher, Tommy, again, who was then knocked into the wall. Meanwhile Marco then proceeded to flip over the stair case and slide down the banister.

"How does he do that?" Dylan asked, raising his eyebrows.

Ryan shrugged.

* * *

"Michael…" Someone tapped him on his shoulder, and since the kid was already in a paranoid state as it, it made him jump at least 26 inches higher into the air. He had been sleeping on the couch before being startled awake, so he just decided to get used to it." What?" He sighed.

"Class is starting and your going to be late if you don't haul yourself off the couch within the next 2 minutes" Robert said plainly, " The shower's running, hurry up before all the heat runs out"

Michael, groggily and tiredly kissed Robert on the lips quickly," You're the best" He whispered out, sleepily walking into the bathroom. As soon as Michael shut the door Robert ran over to the phone and dialed in a set of numbers, blindly, by heart.

"Hello?" Someone yawned into the phone.

"Yeah…it's me" Robert said quickly, pacing around the room with the cordless phone, he could probably ware down the boards if you gave him an hour.

"What's with the panicky voice?" They asked, rolling out of the bed and getting up to walk down the hall," What happened?"

"Jake" Robert sighed out and the other sighed," Jake happened…"

"So he mentioned that he saw someone as well?" They asked, confused," I mean, I know Jake told me that he had seen some boy that looked like Michael…well it was Michael…but…" They trailed off," How do they always do this? Can't they stay out each other's lives, I mean, it has been 3 years?"

"Exactly, Alex, when we said that we'd make sure this never would happen again…" Robert trailed off, knitting his eyebrows together in fustration," This isn't supposed to happen"

"Is Michael acting any different?" Alex asked, throwing the pillow from the bed at Jake's head, telling him to take up before turning to the phone.

"No, Michael-" Robert stopped, Michael standing in the doorway with a towel wrapped around his waste, soaking wet.

"Have you seen my black shirt?"

"It's inside the closet" Robert said, quickly, " Next to the black pants and pink tie…"

"Thanks" Michael murmured, rubbing his eyes and shuffling out the room.

"Hello?" Robert asked into the phone," Um…Michael seems fine…and Jake?"

Alex paused, shyly, looking at Jake on the edge of the bed, uneasily lacing up his sneakers. He caught Alex looking at him, a smile short lived before he went back to his laces. " He's not okay, not even close" He covered the phone for a second, coughing, before walking into the room and sitting down next to Jake, who finally figured out how to loop the laces together, but was now having trouble on lacing up his other shoe. Alex leaned down, phone balanced on his shoulders as he tied them," Should they meet again?" He whispered, Jake staring out of the window.

"No, fuck no" Robert said urgently," Never, not again"

Alex nodded to himself," I'm sorry, that was dumb of me to ask.."

"No, it's just that we can't allow this to happen…not again, not if we…want to keep them…happy" He paused, tired of this whole game of policemen as Michael stepped out from around the corner and smiled, curls bouncing and dark shirt firmly in place. He tilted his head to the side," Come on Robby, want to get some breakfast or something before classes start?" His cheeks were rosy and his eyes were warm, a vibrant color of green.

Robert sighed. " Are you happy Alex?"

Alex smiled. " No, not at all"

"Is Jake happy?"

"No" Alex shook his head," Are you happy?"

Robert looked at Michael and smiled," …no"


	4. What's wrong with a little pain?

**Chapter 4: What's wrong with a little pain?**

* * *

**Yaharrr. Hello all once more I bring you an update of my oddly wonderful twisted story. I was thinking about doing something else now, I have like 6 billion stories in the making but you know with me I can't keep track of most things for long periods of time so I realising one story at a time so I don't loose interest. Anyways, enjoy this. A few comical moments and one tiny shocker. Well, not really a shocker, but I don't think you were expecting it.**

* * *

Michael balanced himself on stage," I didn't ever want for this to happen to us…me….can't you forgive me Natalie…?" He asked, leaning over the plastic school desk

He was met with a slap in the face as the girl reeled back and cried out," I loved you, Edward, and yet you constantly do this to me, I can't handle this anymore, I have…I must…."

"No, Natalie!" Michael cried, holding out his hand as she turned away and walked off. "I love you as well" He whispered, the curtains closing on his sillouette.

The crowd busted into applause as Michael's eyes snapped open and he came out of the scene that he had been rehearsing over and over again for the past 2 weeks. The lights came back on and the whole cast came out to bow.

As he looked through the crowd he saw Sam and Robert, pacing back and forth on his cell phone, one hand pressed against his ear, content and deep within the conversation. But just as he looked up, Robert caught Michael's eyes and smiled at him, hair falling backwards and clapping with one hand, mouthing "Best performance yet" , which he said every time Michael performed, but coming from him, it made him feel special.

Michael bowed again

* * *

Jake was doing a performance of his own, called throwing up until you pass out.

It was a nifty show, filled with pink cheeks and blue eyes content on finding the toilet, because he didn't feel like cleaning up the floor, yet again, but this was the third time this had happened in a week, and he was beginning to worry.

Because he was beginning to hurt again.

And well, that wasn't fun, no, it wasn't fun at all.

But you see, he had come up with a plan. A brilliant plan actually, to help ease the pain.

You what they're called?

Painkillers…doctor prescribed of course, so he could kinda waltz through it, but he was beginning to think that those nifty pills were having shitty effects.

He thought back to the contents of the bottle, and then to the label on the back:

"Warning, may cause depression, nausea, red eyes, scratchy throat and please do not take unless prescribed to by a doctor"

It was prescribed by a doctor…

2 years ago.

He was taken off of it 2 years ago because they said that he was abusing the pills, which made Jake even more depressed, because that was yet another thing that he was abusing.

* * *

_There was a silent hum next to them, eyes wide and mouths open, inhaling and exhaling at the same time, a synchronized pattern of blinks, coughs and sighs. Smoke swirled around then like air, and the colors that were dancing behind their pupils were enough to send anyone's heart into over drive._

_One hand reached over, colored oddly with polish and cuts, and took the other person's clean, yet pale hand, within theirs and rubbed a finger over the top of their hands. " You need to stop doing this" Lips whispered out, eyes black now, yet somehow blue._

_One " I know" was whispered along with two jerks, suddenly movements were too much for the frail body to handle and we all know that when you are hurting, the last thing you want to do is breathe, but the other voice, the other side, the person, pale hands and a save-me complex again whisper " You need to stop doing this"_

_But there's no reply this time, because Jake has passed out and Michael is now officially worried._

* * *

And he had been having the weirdest fucking hallucinations lately, him being battered and abused, instead of Michael, and that hurt almost as much as reality had, incept, it was better.

Because he had his Mikey.

His. Fucking. Mikey.

His love. His future husband.

You know, he thought as he collapsed into the toilet seat again, hair and everything, and pushed out every single fucking thing that he had in his body and he realized that when he was on these medications he was more fucking violent, depressed and cursed mentally so fucking much he would put Billie Joel and Tommy Lee to shame.

And he's so delusional that he even believes that Michael.

Still.

Loved.

HIM. He loved him. He loved him. He loved him. He loved him he love him…

So he threw up a little harder.

* * *

Alex stood at the door way, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed and held the cell phone on his shoulder, Robert on the other line, he had put him on hold, but he could hear the whole conversation between him and Michael, who were inside the bathroom now alone

"Do you think I did good?" Michael's timid voice rang out.

"Perfect, Michael, you were perfect" Robert said reassuringly. His voice sounded uneasy though, and Michael could tell, in the back there was shuffling before a muffled "What's the matter?" came out.

"It's nothing really…" Robert murmured, another sound, probably hands being run through the other's hair. " I'm just really proud of you…" He paused," Cause you know…" He stopped and laughed.

"What?" Michael asked, smiling.

There was a sound of kissing in the background and Alex's hand tightened around the cell phone, because he wished he had someone to hold and treat him like that, with love. Jake gave him love, in the whole complicated version of Abuse-And-Love complex. Or Jake's patented "I-Believe-That-I-Will-Eventually-Drag-You-Down-With-Me-Stare" that he would get when he would roll over in the bed and Jake would bore into the back of his head.

He wanted Jake.

Badly.

He glanced at Jake's curled up figure, finally giving up on finding the toilet and just holding himself, arms wrapped around his shoulders tight, curled up tighter than a rubber band ball and eyes shut like they were stitched. Hurricanes fell and watery eyes could always describe Jake, but today he looked so…

Fucked.

And Alex liked it. Because when Jake was a broken mess Jake wanted, no needed, help.

Alex was help. He focused back on the phone, he could hear a round of laughter, presumably Michael's giddyness as usual as there was a sweeping sound and then the sound of lifting. Once there was another thud you could then hear a series of short breaths and pants before one "Ow" escaped, a laughing and then hair being ruffled and a kissing sound.

Alex hung up the phone and dropped down besides and took Jake's body and pressed it up against his. He looked at Jake's hands, colored and cut, and he murmured," You have to stop doing this"

Jake's vision was distorted as he murmured," I know Michael" and then closed his eyes again.

Alex kissed his head and closed his eyes, bit his lip, cold.

* * *

"What?" Michael asked, chuckling and confused. As he tried to look at Robert he suddenly leaned in a kissed him quickly on the cheeks and since, hanging around Marco and growing a little bit of an insecurity complex, murmured out " What was that for?"

As they stood there, Michael splashing water on his face from sweating so hard on stage and Robert just staring at him sadly before he turned around and pressed his back against the wall near the sink and breathed in on his neck," You know how in all those college porno's and movies they always do it in the bathroom stall?"

"Yeah?" Michael nodded his head, leaning into him.

"I find them horribly clichéd, they have all that closure, not exposure…" Robert grinned wickedly, sweeping a hand across the sinks wide surface before continuing," However…the sinks…in plain sight is…"

"Very sexy" Michael finished for him, grabbing into the back of his neck and kissing him deeply, tongues swirling around in each other's mouth before Robert reached Michael's back and hoisted him up and onto the sink. As Michael wrapped his arms around Robert's neck again, pulling him in close as he leaned backwards for him to reach the zipper of his pants someone jiggled the knob and Robert sighed, about to move away and compose himself when Michael pulled him back, heated and excited, " It wouldn't be horribly clichéd unless we got caught into a compromising position, remember?" And pulled him back into another heated kiss.

Robert grinned, gripping the zipper and sliding it down until it hung around Michael's ankles and turned him around, behind the sink on the side of the edge, ducking under the tissue dispenser which was right above their heads before Michael's pants were gone and they both giggled like school boys, hoping to get caught before Robert unzipped his own jeans and proceeded to thrust into Michael, who then proceeded to hit his head on the towel dispenser.Incase you were wondering, they weren't wearing underware. Michael for reasons unknown and Robert because it gave him a rash. Or so he claimed.

"Ow" He murmured, rubbing his hair as Robert laughed and kissed the top of his head.

"Michael!" Michael's manager's voice called out and they both froze that time, he wasn't officially out, out, well, he was out, all the campus knew, incept…for his manager, hell, even Elliot probably knew and speaking of Elliot. "Elliot is outside, she has the script and wanted to know if you would like to read it over…"

Michael slapped Robert's hand away as Robert sighed out " What about being dangerous and clichés?"

" Porno's are shitty cinemaphotography, this is something completely real" Michael murmured, trying to figure out how exactly to button his jeans when his manager walked in, along with Elliot and Sam.

Robert casually leaned against the sink, not bothering to pick up his jeans from the floor and smiled," Hey…"

* * *

Marco sat inside the library, typing furiously and darkly, trying to finish up his short story before it was due to be check, which was, oh--

He check his watch.

In 10 minutes. He had to write a report on a love tragedy, and automatically decided to re-write Jake and Michael's love story all over again, because they had that whole Love-Me-Hate-Me complex that screamed A plus on it. So as he zoomed away he didn't notice the person breathing over his shoulder or the fact that his cell phone was vibrating in his pocket until he felt that familiar vibration, and since it wasn't Ryan for once, he picked it up.

"Dad…I mean Marco…Christ, whatever the hell your name is, I am freaking out, freaking out!" They yelled into the phone. It was Alex, he could tell by the panic and insecurity, and he was starting to feel old since he had so many people calling him dad now.

He felt like some type of adoptive whore.

"What, Alex? Calm down, calm down-"

"It's Jake…Jake is…well. I dunno, I think he's sick or something and I am freaking out, oh my God!" Alex yelled, dropping the phone as Marco blinked and tapped it," Alex…Alex?" He snapped the phone shut and turned around to see Dylan hovering him, sadly.

"CHRIST!" Marco yelled, causing 25 out of the 46 geeks inside the library to "Shhh" him to which he said quite plainly "Fuck you" and stormed out, grabbing his books and trying to figure out what exactly had just happened.

Dylan jogged up next to him as Marco sighed out," That went for you too" And speed up again.

"Marco, we need to talk"

"No, no we don't" Marco shook his head, picking up his pace once more," I need a phone, a phone…" He turned a corner," When are you going to talk to me?" Dylan was still right besides him.

"I don't know…crap…oh shit…my paper" He murmured, now running back to make sure that he printed it out before someone deleted it, because let's face it, those geeks were too spiteful.

* * *

Alex fell into the wall, moving back, eyes wide and hands reaching out towards rose like hands as Jake fell backwards, having a somewhat panic attack right then and there, it was as if all of his morals were gone, dissolved into the bitterness of the Fall weather.

"Jake?" He murmured, eyes blurred as Jake sat there on the floor, in the corner. The fresh sparkle of new day light hit his face and you could tell he's been crying, jeans worn around his ankles, White shirt unbuttoned and wrinkled, eyes broken and black.

"Al-ex" Someone murmured, and it wasn't Jake, because Jake was silent, on the floor, looking around like he didn't know where the fuck he was, and as Alex turned around, he couldn't believe the face he saw, it had been a long, long time since he saw them. So while they ambushed him into a hug and Jake sat there, slumped there, without any real barrings he began to ponder what type of addiction should he get himself into.

The moment was, of course, short lived as the person turned around, a smile warm on their face and eyes full of cotempt, he didn't look shocked, he was used to Jake, but more along the lines of feeling delayed because he wasn't getting anywhere fast. " Jake, get up off the floor" He sighed out, bored.

"I- I can't"

"Bullshit" They pulled him up, frowning at Jake's weight because it was much lighter than how much he used to be and sighed at Alex," Have you been feeding him?"

"We're broke" Alex said in a deadpanned voice, " Stop trying to argue with me and fix your boyfriend up"

They rolled their eyes," Alex, look, I said I was going to be gone for two weeks, just to finish up my project essay on Modern Art with that new professor, I didn't think he'd fall apart"

"Well, obviously, you were wrong. And he did. And he still is, so like I said before, I have some phone calls to make, please, clean the place up, you live here as well" Alex murmured, breaking eye contact with the both of them before turning around and walking out.

They looked down at Jake, still in their arms and sighed out into his ear, " You're a wreck"

"So?" Jake asked, " I like it this way, at least I'm not hurting anyone"

"Incept for yourself" They whispered, holding Jake tightly.

* * *

**Ahhhaa. You guys thought Lexy and Jake were together? No. someone else owns him. Oh well, but poor Jake, I noticed that alot of you guys who used to hate Jake are starting to love him again. How sad. Do you think that you could ever hate...Michael? Or should I say Andrew? Well let's just say that things are just starting to get interesting. **


	5. Perfection

**Chapter 5: Perfection**

**

* * *

I am going through hell with high school aplications right now, so here's the next chapter. Some of it may sound familiar/ Love you all**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 6: Page 27**

_The perfection that was his eyes was more than any soul could handle, with pure eyes and lips like roses, curved to perfection. His hair looked like the finest silks woven together to be his hair--_

Robert put the book down, he couldn't read anymore of this bullshit. "Where are you going?" He asked as he noticed Michael still trying to fit into his jeans.

"I'm…" Michael puffed out, hopping to the right. " Going to another…." He hopped to the left, almost catching the zipper, " Transmission party" He finished, pulling them up," Wanna come?"

"No" Robert shook his head tiredly," I have to study, you go be a bad holly wood boy, I'll be here when you get back"

Michael smiled as Robert murmured Dork and turned to leave," I was hoping you'd say that"

* * *

- 

Jake slumped against the walls, his bosses warnings of taking the night off ringing in his ear, the throbbing of the sudden cold wrapped it's fingers around his mind. He steadied himself with one hand on the wall now, the tray lopsidedly tilted to the side, lowered eyes, flushed cheeks and dry hands. Alex watched from a corner, hands inside his pockets, hushed and talking to someone about some type of art piece.

"It's quite boring isn't it?" Someone murmured into his ear and he turned around quickly. Hair smacking himself and glanced up to see that Andrew kid next to him again.

"Yeah" Jake shrugged," It is. I don't even know why I work here" He looked him up and down, something was off. " Shouldn't there be a rabid fan girl base chasing you right about now?"

Michael smiled, looking at the worn down man, " Yeah, they should, but they aren't. My friend is taking care of that." He nodded over to a kid with the laptop and Jake pinched the bridge of his nose in agitation at the build up. His cheeks flushed. Michael, brown eyes and a dark look of content, settled on his face for a little bit longer as he murmured," Are you sick?"

Jake straightened himself up," No….I uh…"

Michael raised his eyebrows at him.

"Yeah" Jake sighed in defeat," I am. But I just had to come in today. The rent has to be paid"

"Jake?" Michael asked the name and a twinge filled both their bodies, but the effect wore off quickly. " Can you get me a glass of water? Could you show me where to get the glass of water, it's hot inside of here, and all this chatter makes me sick"

Jake, whose sweaty hands were working their way through his hair nodded and guided Michael through a crowd of strangers, people with glasses tipped to their phony lips, glasses poised on the edge of their noses and lips up turned with disdain because they were indeed better than you. Once they were in the back kitchen, Michael glass in hand, Jake leaning against the edge of the of the table. Jake murmured," It's hot"

Michael smiled politely and leaned over towards the door, which lead to the garden and walked out, Jake followed, if only in desperate need of some air." You should go see a doctor about that" Michael stated in a formal air, swirling the water in his glass around," I had a friend that was sick before, it's not so much fun to watch someone wither away"

"Tell me about it" Jake murmured, coughing into his fist before focusing his eyes at the flowers hanging like nooses around them. After a few moments of silence Michael wondered aloud," Can I ask you a question? I know we don't really know each other… but I think I need a person- a stranger's opinion on this"

Jake shrugged, coughed and then nodded," Sure, why not?"

"Okay" Michael took a breath, eyes falling to the floor as he finished off the glass." Have you ever had the strange pulling feeling that something is missing? That you may have everything, but nothing at the same time? I mean, I used to have that feeling…." He trailed off, bit his lip, Jake looked down to the floor, nervous people bite their lips.

Michael bit his lips.

"I used to have that feeling" Michael started again, " And when I think about it-" Michael snorted," It seems so dumb that I was to have this feeling of like…"

"What?" Jake whispered, entranced within the person's passion of speech and sorrow. He felt as if he had wrapped his mind about the very being of confusion in his own like and then some fucked up actor comes along. Just his luck. Another person to save.

"Love, undying, unyielding love. Ever felt that?"

"It's fucking horrible" Jake droned out, picking up and flower and crushing it.

Michael's eyes lit up," Yes yes, horrible. I somehow knew you'd understand. It's horrible Jake. And I miss it. I miss that pain"

"Andrew" Jake said in a quiet voice, eyes squinting in the dull moonlight. The plastic fake classical music from inside floated around then as he tried to think properly and sighed instead. " Whatever love…or glimmer of love you may feel, it's gone." He said it dryly. " Love is a word, a nasty four letter word that people toss around as an excuse for their actions at the current time. It's a word of dangerous and epic proportions. It causes devistation. Terror and depression." He bit his lip as Michael's eyes widened with shock and anticipation for Jake to finish. "It's better you feel empty than to love at all"

"But Jake" Michael's voice was excited," Have you ever felt this way? To cause you to think that--"

"My first and only love was my darkest period in my life" Jake said, point blank. " It was a spiraling black hole of emotions, ups and downs and pain. It made me realize that whatever I do in life, I should never do that again"

"Love again?" Michael asked.

"Never" Jake whispered," Never Andrew"

They stood outside in silence for a while, incept for when Jake would cough or Michael would shift around. The moonlight littered their hair, and Michael suddenly felt very raw inside, a feeling he hadn't felt in a while. These words that some person, some kid, named Jake…stirred these past emotions inside of him back to the surface. Why should all of these words terrify him so much? Was it because on some level he knew it was true? Or was he just merely being lulled on by his words. Jake stood up, slightly, bracing his hands on the brick wall that lined the back of it and reached over to Michael, who was lost in his own dark pool of thoughts, for support before steadying himself and placing a hand over his chest. "I'm sorry" Jake apologized," I shouldn't have said that"

"No, no, I am actually glad that you did. I think I needed to hear that" Michael smiled thoughtfully as he frowned at Jake's sudden paleness and dry eyes." Are you sure you're okay?" He squinted as Jake's flushed cheeks puffed out with air and Jake shook his head in a sad attempt of communication as he lost his barings and fell slightly to the left, into Michael's chest. "Could you get me to a friend…named Alex? He's inside" Jake said between tiny breaths," I just…ah…" He paused, " I- he'll know what to do"

Michael, a little dazed, a little everything, nodded as he guided Jake inside the room in search of Alex.

* * *

Marco bounced around the corner of the room, sweeping, cleaning, singing, dancing all at the same time. He needed to do some serious thinking so you know what had to come….

An ice cream bucket the size of a tub sat on the table on the other side of the room. Music blasted out of his speakers. And since he was in a sour mood he was playing Franz Ferdinand's song on repeat, over and over again. "Michael…not my son's ex but the Michael in the song, come and dance with me Michael" but it was to no avail, because it just didn't sound right, so inside he started moaning around to Bright Eyes, because that'll get you depressed real quick.

Andy, who was on speaker phone and on the road with Tilly and Brian in the middle of nowhere sighed out " Marco don't trouble yourself"

Brian snorted," Yeah, Dylan's like the bad character in every book, he hangs around for a while, causes trouble and then leaves"

"Was Dylan hot?" Tilly asked, the back seat her unofficial bed for the time being.

"No" Brian lied.

"Georgous" Andy whispered as Marco cried out." I heard that. And who cares about Dylan? I was talking about Rye"

"Ryan won't be angry" Brian sighed out. " But if he is, pretend like you twisted that ankle when you jumped the banister."

"Don't listen to him" Andy rolled his eyes." I don't see what the matter is here. Dylan is back. So what? You are still with Ryan, remember that Marco"

Marco cried even harder.

"This is stupid" Brian groaned," We'll have to smack some sence into him"

"No violence" Andy cried.

"Gay violence" Tilly cheered as Brian and Andy smirked at each other.

"Christ, remember, this is Michael's girl, not yours. Do not corupt her with your stupidness" Marco warned, laughing. The door knob turned to the left and he gasped out as Ryan came in soaking wet and had a scowl on his face. " What happened?"

"Hey sexy" Andy crooned on the phone.

"Hey Andy, hey Brian, no I don't want to sing Franz Ferdinand, so don't ask me," He said before Marco opened his mouth.

"I smell gay drama, so we'll call you back later" Andy said, hanging up as Ryan fell into the couch and crossed his arms. Marco looked skeptical before joining him. "What happened to you?"

"Dylan, we got into a fight and he shoved me into the pool" Ryan murmured, wringing out the sleeves of his shirt," That bastard. But I did shove him off the diving board, so it's all good"

Marco snorted," I'm so sorry Ryan"

"For what?" Ryan asked, eyebrows raised as he continued trying to dry himself off, but soaking the couch instead," It's not like you invited Dylan here or something"

Marco looked beyond relieved," You're not angry?"

"Do I look it?" Ryan asked," I just want a shower" He looked at him.

"Oh" Marco murmured, springing up," A shower"

Ryan kissed him on the head before walking down the hall. Marco looked around, grinning, before he followed behind him

* * *

"Alex?" Came the soft reply

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Alex asked as he hovered over him.

"How the fuck would I know, you don't have your hands out" Jake murmured, agitated and sitting up.

"He's okay" Alex said with a smile, rolling his eyes as he backed away. Jake sat up, rubbing his head as blue eyes focused together and Alex snorted. "Where's Andrew?"

Alex's face looked pale," Andrew?"

"The boy that dragged me in here towards you" Jake drawled out.

"Mi-…oh Andrew…." Alex twisted his face up in agitation," He had to leave, sadly, but he said he was sorry." Alex looked away," We should get out of here and get you to bed before Roscoe bitches at me for not taking care of you"

. Jake hugged his arm as Alex pulled him up and murmured into his hair," You take care of me just fine" The whisper curled like smoke between his ears as Alex strayed away from his eyes and sighed out again.


	6. Lovers and Friends

**There's been much confusion over the Michael/Andrew why the hell don't they recognize Jake thing going on and the answer is: His eyes. Always, haven't you remembered that Michael's broken little eyes have always been a dull green, an occasional bright when with Michael or when he's rarely happy. And when I've written him in this story as Andrew with Jake what color were his eyes? Brown. That's basically the only back up he had, in case Jake did have the chance to bloody track him down, Jake can't see nothing but green, you know? Like remember how Jake had said " All I remember is his eyes" Green eyes. Never brown. Plus Michael cut his hair. And Michael doesn't recognize Jake for the simple fact of that he DOESN'T WANT TO. He knows there's a possibility it would be him, but he doesn't want to think about it. Our little Mikey's changed, and now you're going to start cheering for Jake again. Gasp, I know. Oh and poor Alex, I hurt so much after reading what I wrote…erm…ja, you'll see. Don't pounce on me. XD LOOVVEEE.**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Lovers and Friends  
**

Roscoe paced around the bed where Jake was laying, either asleep or knocked out as he settled on a spot for a quick second and sighed out in agitation. He flipped his cropped hair and managed a glare at Alex, who was sitting on the side of the bed, trying desperately to get Jake's fever to go down. " You know, if you hadn't have taken him out that night to work" Roscoe trailed off, trying to find words to insult Alex with. He didn't. And then instead walks around again.

"I didn't take him out, Jake wanted to work. Maybe if you had been taking care of him since he is…oh I dunno, you're boyfriend…" Alex squinted as Jake rolled around in his bed and placed a sweaty hand to his arm in an attempt to quite him. Alex ignored Jake's subtle attempt and then continues," If you really care-"

Roscoe looked at him with a coy smile," This isn't about poor little Jake over here" Roscoe held a charming dark look as he bit his lip in a façade of his own," You're just jealous"

"My best friend is sick" Alex murmured, defeated. " That's all"

"But oh, how you wished it was so much more" Roscoe winked, and pointed to his lips," I've kissed him."

"And so have I"

"But was it the same meaning?"

Alex remained quiet, while Jake, who was beyond tired with the whole thing, shifted a little more and raised his head up, sweaty locks covering his eyes, fever matted sweat keeping it there. He looked between the two of them with a longing drawn out glare, a backwards feeling reserved for those two only - he created the look a few months ago, yet to have tested it on Michael-. "Alex…" Jake's eyes watered a little bit," You Don't have to stay, matter of fact, go to class. I'll be okay, Roscoe will watch after me"

"I will?" Roscoe asked.

"You will" Jake said with a demeaning glare that shut him up. Alex, a little flustered, a little everything, simply nodded and got up and walked out the room. As soon as the door closed Jake looked over at Roscoe and sneered out harshly," You didn't have to be so mean to him. I know you despise Alex for reasons unknown to me, but we all live in this house and well…I am too sick to deal with all of this"

Roscoe snorted," Jake, you're always too sick" He pushed a stray hair behind his ear," You're too sick for everything. Always something or another to hold you back from so and so. This and that from keeping you where you want to go. Ups and downs and lefts and rights and nowhere for you in between. What a sad sad story"

"You're the writer" Jake whispered," Capture it"

"Oh I have, I have a new play actually, written it out and everything" He smiled cheekily," It's still coming along though, you make me want to add on a few artistic revisions time to time"

Jake simply smiled cheekily, placed a kiss on his lips and slunk back under the covers. He never seemed to have a normal relationship, could he?

* * *

"There is a new student in the class" Tommy said with an unusually upbeat voice. As soon as he said it Marco groaned and slide down in his chair, pulled up his note book and placed it over his eyes . He knew it was Dylan. You know how he knew? He smelt that axe that Dylan wears every day all the way down the hallway before class started. And plus, Marco can never catch a break. He can't have a normal life. First Jake ran away for a year, and then Michael decided that he wanted to go college somewhere far off. He couldn't catch a break. He couldn't wait for Jake or Michael to have children of their own, or Alex or Robert for that matter, then they could leave him the hell alone.

"Dreylan MichaelChick" Tommy squinted as Dylan wandered into the room, expecting the class to burst out in applause. Cause like, come the fuck on, he was a superstar.

The room was silent.

Marco choked on his gum with laughter.

"Dylan Michaelchuck" Dylan corrected, frowning.

"Sorry, this isn't Canada eh?" Tommy said with a drawl as he pointed him to his seat, which just happened to be right next to an overly too giddy Marco. Dylan walked over, cheerfully and sat by Marco, who moved away six inches and proceeded to stick his eyes on Tommy.

"When are we going to talk?" Dylan whispered.

"Never" Macro seethed

"It's not what you think"

"No, actually it is"

'Today I wanted to do a special on quarreling lovers" Tommy addressed to the class," It's quiet entertaining even in their most tragic moments"

"Marco you're being like your-"

"Say my father and I'll kick your ass so hard Dy-"

"I didn't run off of Randy for that reason, he needed help since you know that Remy is a crackhead… now"

"Wasn't he always a crack head?" Marco asked. " And Jake's boyfriend?"

"They dated?"

"Sort of, kind of. I duunnno, Jake is complicated" Marco closed his eyes," We're straying off the subject"

"Randy sent Remy away to go and get some help with his addiction, so I decided to go with him, when I came back they said that you were gone and I called you a million times, you never picked up"

"Lies and excuses, it's too many times and besides I have someone else…"

"I knew you were dating that arty kid!" Dylan pointed an acusing finger at Marco," You man whore!"

Marco glared at him," Shut up Dylan. I am not a man whore. Especially coming from you, mister I liked and probably did every Tom, Dick and Harry in the school"

"Are you calling me a slut?"

"No, a man slut you skuzzy bastard" Marco said darkly as Tommy sat on their table and clapped his hands for the class's attention. " And I bring to you, pair number one. The Long Distance Break Up Aftermath Couple" He smiled widely at Marco, who was beyond agitated and ready to throw Dylan on top of the desk and smack him around a few times.

"Excuse me?" Dylan asked, " Do you-"

"Please Beverhuck-"

"Michaelchuck-"

"Skinnyfuck-"

"Michaelchuck-"

"Whatever" Tommy waved his hand," It's obvious that you two fit this perfectly, for Marco is the girl in the relationship and you, being the typical guy, had to be a jackass."

A few murmurs of agreeing boys and girls scattered throughout the room as Dylan flushed. "It's not that way"

"Oh is it?" Tommy asked, looking at Marco who shrugged. " I'm sure your boyfriend wouldn't like hearing that"

"Ryan is understanding of a lot of things and holy shit---" Marco stopped and ducked as Ryan flew across the table and knocked Dylan off his chair and onto the floor." You look at my boyfriend and you will dieeeeeeee" Ryan cried out, smacking him around on the floor.

Marco snorted, Dylan was getting his ass beat by a 126 pound painter.

That's just sad.

And funny.

"Go Ryan!" Marco cheered as Tommy sighed.

"I mean, get off of him!"

"He was looking at you babe" Ryan murmured, purred like a cat.

"I know, but you don't have to tackle him every time you see him, you only do that for me" Marco pouted and twittled his fingers. Ryan nodded," That's true"

"Promise me you won't kick his ass unless I say so" Marco said dryly.

"Okie" Ryan murmured, looking at the class," Where am I supposed to be anyway?"

"Social Sciences, room 215. Hurry" Ryan nodded as he ran out the room, only to run back, knock Marco on to the table, have a passionate frinky make out session with him and then leave again. Marco fixed up his shirt and pushed the hair out of his face as a few people blinked in confusion.

"Yeah…so about those Yankess" Marco blushed, sitting down in his seat.

As class resumed Dylan decided to stay on the floor.

He couldn't feel his legs back anyway.

* * *

Michael snorted, hunched over a few scripts for the new play that Elliot had casted him in the lead role of. He loved the script, it felt so…close to home in a way, so close it hurt. It was the story of two boys, Jude and Matt and how they were everything to each other and no one else. They grew up as best friends but suddenly they both wanted more, and then it occurred to them that there was more. Each other. The stories are dark. The liners are darker and he knew if anyone could pull it off, it would be him. There was a director, co director, the writer of the book, named something Harper, he wouldn't remember the last name.  
Michael flipped back a page of the book and looked at the first page of the story. As soon as he read the first line, he gasped in wonderment, because it was so true.

**The Love Me Complex**

**Page 24. Chapter 1: Scene IX**

**Jude:** Don't be so silly, Matt, you know that it's not love if it doesn't hurt Matt: I'm tired of you being cynical Jude: I'm being truthful, you know, it's actually funny now that I think about it

**Matt:** Think about what

**Jude**: The fact that people keep telling us that we're obsessed

**Matt**: We're not you know. I mean, are we?

**Jude: **No, no not at all. You're my best friend. Things are simple.  
**Matt** Then why can't I help feeling as if things are going to go horribly wrong?  
**Jude:** (Slings an arm around his shoulder) Because you worry too much. Everything will be alright

As Michael, who became entranced with the script in all it's realistic glory, flipped through page after page something stood out in the corner of his eye. One black page in the script with white lettering. Maybe it was a test page. He squinted as he read the words and his face twisted up in horror.

**Jude**: We'll never be separated for long, Matt, you and me, never for long

**Matt: **Jude, this is an obsession

**Jude: **Are you telling me that you don't feel the same way? Because if you don't then I can just-  
**Matt:** No, never. Not at all. I'm just saying that what we're doing is dangerous

** Jude:** Nothing is dangerous. It's simply just entertainly wild.  
**Matt:** Jude, I often wonder how you corrupted my mind

**Jude**: It wasn't that hard.  
**Matt:** Can we tell anyone?  
**Jude:** Do you want to see how fast your parents will kick you out of the house?  
**Matt**: No…then what are we supposed to do?  
**Jude**: Obsession is fueled by passion. Passion is fueled by corruption. Corruption is fueled by sin

** Matt: **What's your point?  
**Jude:** My point is that this is probably the dangerous thing we've ever done.  
**Matt:** This is horrible, we should stop it before-  
**Jude:** Before what? (Smiles) Tell me, Matt, you know that….(pause) you know that being us, being exciting and dangerous is half the thrill. The other half is getting away with it. We'll never be separated. We'll never be dragged down and we sure as hell won't be critizied by a bunch of jackasses that have spent their past 20 years withering away on benches and stools while feeding birds crumbs. If I'm obsessed with my best friend so be it.  
**Matt:** Stop saying this so loud, someone might hear you Jude: Fuck them if they do Matt: J-  
**Jude:** There's no time for us to dwell on our flaws and passions at the moment Matt, we have years for that to happen. We've realized something tonight, something dark, something fantastic, filled with things that we've never felt before, said before, thought before. And I know you're thinking the same thing, Matt, we're both thinking the same thing.  
**Matt**: Jude, you'll be the death of me.  
**Jude:** (Smiles) Don't say that. Then who would I have? I have a question though

**Matt**: (Sigh) What, what is it now?  
**Jude**: Do you want to?  
**Matt**: Want to what?  
**Jude**: Be dangerous with me? (Holds out his hand)  
**Matt**: (Looks shocked; contemplates on taking his hand but finally does) Sure. We have nothing to lose, right?  
**Jude:** Right, and everything to gain

Michel placed the page down. It was as if someone ripped his life out and typed it down on paper. His mind spun at the similarities, it made him wonder of so many things of the past. It would be a cold day in hell that he admitted that he missed and thought and prayed and wondered about someone that he knew that he shouldn't, but you know, Michael was never one to be in control of anything incept for tricks.

He leaned back inside the couch, draping an arm over one of the rests and decided that if he didn't get any sleep now he would never be ready for his classes tomorrow morning. As his eyes fluttered close, however, the only thing that seemed to be swimming through his mind, for whatever odd and complicated reason, was that Jake person who passed out before he suddenly had to go.

* * *

Jake leaned against the wall once more, chewing on a bagel and putting up the everyday normal façade that he had. His sun glasses were on his head, his white shirt was tucked into his pants and his hands were hooked in between the belt loops in his jeans. Alex murmured to himself along side him, pissed off about what had happened the day before, as they made their way down the large spots inside the mall, looking at the clothes and many food venues to choose from. " I can't believe that Roscoe said that" Alex sneered out, alburn hair flopping recklessly over his sun glasses, his shirt, this t-shirt he had found at this indie shop sporting the quote "FCK the only thing missing is U" on it.

He was sort of shocked when Jake pulled him up against his chest while walking and wrapped his arms around his abdomen, murmuring rubbish along the lines of "He's just jealous " In to his ear before letting go and instead taking his hand. They often walked hand in hand when they went out, wherever it would be, but not for the reason that people may think.

Simply because Jake had been having suddenly dizzy spouts, in which he'd lose balance and automatically crash to the floor. No warning, just complete shut down. And since Alex was holding his hand, at least he'd notice it before Jake could fully fall out.

"Why are we here anyways?" Jake grumbled, finishing the bagel and frowning.

"We have to go to that play again"

"The one with the Andrew boy?" Jake asked, eyebrows raised.

Alex paused momentarily before nodded," Yeah, the Andrew kid. You seem to have taken a liken to him, haven't you?"

"It's the other way around. He seems to have taken a liken to me." Jake shrugged." He finds me interesting. Especially when I practically blurted out to him never to love again if you wanted to maintain the happiness that he has now"

"Wow" Alex snorted," I think that you like him…"

Jake made a strange face," Ugh, I'm still chained to Roscoe like a motherfucker"

"Why do you constantly date assholes?" Alex asked, confused. "Remy, that Spanish kid…"

"Remy was a sexual banter type thing, Spanish boy was freaky…but…hey, you aren't an asshole"

"You never dated me" Alex's voice dropped down quietly.

"I remember quite occasionally that certain someone would end up in my bed" Jake smiled as he slid his sunglasses over his eyes.

"It was my bed, and you were always too drunk to make it to yours, so you'd end up in mines" Alex drawled out.

"But, I still got a kiss every morning" Jake said with a smile, kissing Alex on the cheek, making him flare up inside.

"You have germs!" Alex yelled, sticking his tongue out at him," I don't want to get sick. I still have to take care of you. Now come on, I just got some money from Marco, we need to get you a new uniform"


	7. Start Me Up

**How can I sum up this chapter? I was reading Broken Paint Brushes a few minutes ago and I realized that I may have gotten a little cocky now that I actually have more than one person reviewing each chapter and that's shitty of me, I don't like it. In Broken Paint Brushes it was so fresh, so new, you know? And now look where I am now, it kind of scares me, because I think this is the best writing I have done so far. Not this chapter per se, I mean, it's good and all, but in general. And why the hell haven't I been replying to your reviews individually. Fuck the rules. I luff you guys too much. Okay, let's see. Erm, Michael's sick again. I dunno why, but I had a feeling that some of you forgot the small fact that he used to me a rent boy you know. Cause I realized I sort of forgot that as well. Marco gets lurvy and coffee on the internet with Spinner, Jimmy and Craig and finally Roscoe actually shows an emotion of jealously due to the fact that Alex and Jake are really OTP even though it seems like he doesn't care, you know he does.**

**Um, I normally said something stupid and adorable here to usher the chapter in so…uh… :snaps fingers: ANDIAMO! Or else I'll tell your baby cousin santa isn't real.**

**

* * *

**

**Azury:** Ever so sweet baby doll. How are you? And I hope classes are coming along swimmingly. If I think my classes are hard I'm afraid to get to your level! My asmatha, believe it or not, is awesome for me. It makes me tired and worn down, but you know, I think I needed to slow down things in my life anyway. I know you're looking out for me, I appreciate it. :LOVE: I waned Robby and Alex to know because they're trying to do the impossible: Save Michael and Jake. Of course they both care deeply for them, but Michael and Jake are too blind to mind, know or care. Michael's changing and Jake's getting worse, it's just a busy time for all of them Jake doesn't have AIDS dear, you're not dragging it out of me like you did with Michael! Ger. Pete will make an appearance….um let me see :scrolls through notepad: He's mentioned in chapter 9 and appears in chapter 10. You like Pete and Rye more than Marco and Rye right? Mmm…I know, it just feels better that way doesn't it? I have to write something about Adrian, I don't want Tilly to forget who her father really is. Oh Andy, I love him so. It feels great to actually write back to you in a way. I shall rock this story :plugs in amplifiers and bass: I shall until I cannot rock it anymore : turns up volume: xoxoxox Looovvveee

**TruFate **: They do, they suck so much…it…I dunno. But they suck. Badly. I do that a lot, I always like to sneak "Artistic Revisions" and "Broken Paint Brushes" in there every now and then. I was origionaly going to call this story "Scattered Hues" to keep up with the paint theme, but then I decided against it, because it's more drama this time around. I wanted to make sure I got across the fact that Ryan doesn't like Dylan. Much. At all actually. I didn't know that was a song, I remember watching Queer As Folk and seeing Justin wear that shirt and I thought it would be something Alex would be wearing. I also find myself yelling at the screen, " Dump Roscoe bitch! Get with Alex!" But you know, then I remember that I'm writing this down. You know, it hurts that sometimes my characters control me. Thankies for the Review Autum, you know it cheers me up

**Gypsy Prince:** I'm glad you like it so far! I'm pretty sure you'll like this chapter as well

**Bee: **Oh yes, Jake's thoughts are true. I don't know how I write these things without experience you know. But I think I can relate to the people around me and all. Ja, I think that's why. I can't write an Andy scene without a Brian scene lately. They go together like PB and J. You already know I'm happy that you enjoyed this chapter. But I just said that anyway, so now you know once more.

**TearsOfEcstasy **: Well I'm not sick now, but that cold was a bitch to get rid of. As Roscoe says: Andrew smiled politely, "S'not felling good. You know how colds are. Bitches to get rid of." He leaned over the table," Roscoe, why did you call for this little dinner anyway? I'm sure we could cut through all the bullshit and get to the point, I have a few pressing matters to attend to" He directed his stare at Jake, who felt weak under it.. Well um, that was a spoiler, but whatever. I know! I couldn't breathe, through my nose, or my mouth, and since I had asmatha it was like wheeze city 24/7 Glad you liked the chapter. No, complain, it's good and healthy for your colon. Yay! Colon!

**BlackRoseOnFire**: Oh no, never. I'm hardly angry at you, I was just in a rush so some of things may have came out a little harsh. I'm sorry if they did. I was pissed off because I was late for school. I just wanted people to understand the fact of the situation. I sort of like Roscoe, I know I put a lot of me in him. Yeah, are you shocked that I'm a Jr. High kid? Oh, no, Alex does know that it's Michael. What made you think that he didn't? Dylan is a whore, and he's just jealous that Marco isn't his anymore. Frinky make out sessions rule! Lol, thanks for the review. They make me ….something, I dunnoo.

**Okay, enough ranting. I have a question, because I know all of you are probably going "OMGSTFU ALREADY AND LET US READ :SHAKES FIST:" But I have another story I'm writing that I will not publish until This one is done so that way I don't loose interest in it like I always seem to do. I mines well start doing a string of one shots. Whatever, OTP ( just love saying that), OOC, SLASH, HET, whatever. Well, not het. I never wrote that shit in my life. And it scares me that I haven't. But anyway, how would you like an Angry Marco finding a kid in a subway unconscious, have the kid follow him home by acident and mold him into something that him and Spinner can't handle. Of course it'll have it's funny moments, it's a kinda sorta Sparco, and um, yeah, I'll put a preview on the bottom so you guys can tell me what you think of it so far…'**

**Okay now you can read wooo….**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 7: Start Me Up**

Michael pushed an angry lock out of his hair as he fell off the bed with a quick thud and hit the floor, a bad habit that he had picked up from when he was little, and looked on the other side of the bed to see Robert with his head bowed down, as if crying and his hair falling into his face. His pajamas were wrinkled and stretched as Michael slowly crawled over and tapped him on the shoulder," Robby, what's wrong?"

"Nothing" Robert lied, shrugging his boyfriend's hand off his shoulders. Michael eyed him before sliding onto the edge of the bed as well and tried again," What are you thinking?"

Robert sighed darkly, raised his hands behind his back before turning around and cradling Michael's cheek. "Mikey," He started, uneasily. " You know that I've known you for a while"

"5 years" Michael nodded as Robert drew a pained look onto his face and stopped for a second. "What's the matter?"

"I just don't want to loose you…" He whispered.

"What happened? Why are you saying this now?"

"I know you haven't been feeling well lately, don't lie to me and say that you're fine, I saw you throwing up last night. Why didn't you tell me that you were sick again? You know I want to help you" Robert whispered out, sadly.

"I know…" Michael's eyes averted to the floor." I don't want anyone to worry. And I don't want to be sick again. I'm sure it'll pass"

"Have you stopped taking your pills?"

"What?" The question was clear, but Michael still had to ask.

"You heard me"

"I just stopped….like a month ago. But Robby, those pills had force side effects than what I have"

"I scheduled a doctor's appointment for tomorrow, right before the next Transmission Party. We're going to get you a re-fill and see what else we can do" Robert said with a defined voice and Michael shuddered slightly. " I just want you to be okay" He leaned in, pushing the hair away from his face. He placed a chaste, sweet kiss on his forehead before sighing out as Michael ran his hands through his hair, threading the knots and pulling him closer.

* * *

Marco sat down at his computer while Ryan paced around franticly." where's my plane ticket Marco? Have you seen it? Because if you haven't seen it I am officially dead. And if I'm dead then I'll be sad. And if I'm sad then I'll be depressed and when I'm depressed I paint…and if I paint I'll make money! You're brilliant Marco!" Ryan said, kissing Marco on the lips before spinning out of the room, calling out " I need more coffeeeeeeeee" As he tripped and fell over the steps that lead in the apartment.

Marco snorted, Ryan was much more happier with him then he's ever seen before. He was online, chatting with Spinner, Jimmy and Craig, because he missed them like hell.

**BlewHimBeforeYou: **Craig, how's the business world of NME treating you?  
**NMEWhore**: You see they made me use this name right? It's horrible, and I have yet to meet Brandon Flowers. I did come close to touching Alex Kapranos, but one of his body guards jumped me because they said I looked like Gavrilo Princip

**G-UnitBitches**: Was that before or after you tried to jump on them

** NMEWhore: **Shut up Jimmy, it was the heat of the moment.  
**SlashMeHard: **I still don't understand why you all act so gay

**BlewHimBeforeYou:** Spin, your name is Slash Me Hard. Slash me hard. That's the gayest you'll ever get.  
**G-UnitBitches:** I'd have to agree. We all knew it Spin, bout time you came out of the closet

**SlashMeHard:** I AM NOT GAY DAMNIT!  
**NMEWhore**: Anyways, Britain is nice and all, no Ashley to bitch at me. Just me, a guitar and this guy named Steven. He shares the apartment with me. And you said I'd be a failure if I didn't go to college.  
**G-UnitBitches:** Because working at NME is so much better

**SlashMeHard:**Like you're doing any better, Mr. 50 Cent wannabe

** G-UnitBitches: **I have a hot girlfriend with the best ass in the world, have a basketball sponcer ship at my college and I am dead ass sexy. And you're doings so much better Mr. Invisible Spray Can Cheese?  
**NMEWhore: **Should we take them off our friends list Marco?

* * *

**Blewhimbeforeyou:**We can just ignore them for now, anyways, tell me more about this Steven 

**NMEWhore:**Well he has blonde hair and green eyes and woah he is so…  
**BlewHimBeforeYou**: CRAIG!  
**NMEWhore**: Yes?  
**BlewHimBeforeYou**: Stop doing that now!

** NMEWhore:** Doing what?  
**BlewHimBeforeYou:** You know what

**NMEWhore:** Blushes  
**SlashMeHard:** Jimmy you baggy jeans wearing crack head, My Invisible Spray cheese is the shit.

** Okay G-UnitBitches:** Spinner, shut up.

**BlewHimBeforeYou Has Changed His Name To IWantACar69**

**IWantACar69: **Hahaha, I love changing my name.

**NMEWhore Has changed his name to TakeMeOut**

**TakeMeOut:** This is so dumb.  
**IWantACar69:** But fun, Craig, now back to Steven

**G-UnitBitches Has changed his name to BitchXSlap**

**BitchXSlap**: Anyways, Spinner. Aren't you gonna change yo name?  
**SlashMeHard: **No, I like this one

**IWantACar69: **Hahaa, how homo

**SlashMeHard**: I am not gay dudes, I swear it

** TakeMeOut: **We believe you. Oh Steven's here, I have to go

**IWantACar69**: Why? raises eyebrows  
**TakeMeOu**t: Because, it's his birthday and we're supposed to go out.  
**BitchXSlap:** Slap dem bitches en hoezs on da ass.  
**SlashMeHard:** What?  
**BitchXSlap:** Sorry, wrong chat.  
**IWantACar69: **We'll have this conversation over the phone Craig.  
**TakeMeOu**t: Fine

**Take Me Out has logged off.**

**BitchXSlap:** I have to go too, Camile wants me to show her how to make a jump shot…  
**IWantACar69: **Sigh fine. Bye

** BitchXSlap:** I wwwuvvv you

** SlashMeHard:** Awww.w…Jimmy shows hint of gayness.  
**BitchXSlap**: As opposed to your blatant homosexuality. When franz Ferdinand names a song after you, we'll see who has the last laugh

**BitchXSlap has signed off.**

**IWantACar69**: So It's just you and me spin

**SlashMeHard:** Yeah…  
**IWantACar69:** What's the matter?  
**SlashMeHard**: Nothing….I uh…I have to go myself, but I'll call you later

** IWantACar69:** You're kidding me, noooo.  
**SlashMeHard**: Sorry….I uh…have to go….and…yeah….bye

**SlashMeHard Has signed off.**

Marco glared at the computer before turning around in his swivel chair and spotting Ryan down the hall spinning around with coffee in his hands and a belt made of pink sequins. I guess they were going to try something new with the skirts tonight.

* * *

Jake was quiet as Roscoe hovered over him, breath hot on his neck, lips curled and eyes un-blinking. He noticed the glare that seemed to burn into his skin, the way he loathed the look of peace on Alex, who was tucked tightly under Jake's sweaty arms, face. "Do you take home every boy that takes you out?"

"No" Jake whispered out, idly brushing the hair out of Alex's face delecatly," Just the pretty ones"

"You better be lucky that I'm your boyfriend, others would think you have somewhat of a crush on this boy here" Roscoe's voice held an odd hint in it. He crossed his arms as Jake simply yawned and snuggled closer to Alex, who was happy enough to be anywhere near Jake. " I notice you're like a trap, Jake. Lure people in with fancy words and quiet remarks, and get them to stay with sharp looks and dazed replies. You're quiet the artist in a weird way."

Jake didn't seem to mind his jealous words, but did get a little agitated at the fact that Roscoe wasn't leaving the two of them alone, acting as if he was some patrol officer, waiting and watching to make sure that they didn't have sex right then and there. As if that thought ever crossed his mind. " Roscoe, if you want to come and lay down next to me, don't bitch about it, just do it. But I'm not moving Alex."

Roscoe smirked at him," I rather not. I'll leave you two alone, actually I have to go meet up with Elliot so we can start casting the roles for the play. I think I have that Andrew kid as the star"

"Andrew Rhyes?" Jake murmured, Alex shifted and buried his head into Jake's chest like a child, and it was an odd scene to watch unfold and take place. It often horrified Jake more than he could believe at the fact that someone, so young, so pure, could be turned into shambles like that. Granted Michael was the same case, but he caused that. And he saved Alex. It was almost a give and take. " Tell him I said thanks"

"You know him?" Roscoe asked, still holding that loathsome look on Alex's face.

"Sort of" Jake murmured out," Turn out the light when you leave, I can't stand the mornings"

"It's 3 pm" Roscoe pointed out as Jake waved his hand in a gesture that meant fuck off, since Roscoe used it on Alex all the time. Roscoe simply closed the door as Alex whispered out, eyes closed, " Is he gone?"

"Yeah" Jake breathed, Alex began to get up but Jake held him still," Don't leave yet"

"But what about the Transmission Party?"

"Fuck it" Jake shrugged. " I just want to stay here, do you mind?"

Alex sighed out, Jake's arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him flush up against his chest as his eyes fluttered close once more. He didn't know what exactly was going on, but Jake was acting different, and as much as he wanted Jake to show any real interest in him, he'd be damned if he was to become Jake's next Michael.

* * *

** Eeep! Review? Ich Heisse?**

* * *

**PREVIEW:**

Marco fixed his tie, slackened to perfection, a signal that only a certain elite few knew about in the school, as he looked down in the mirror of the back seat of Spinner's ghetto ass broken down Love Mobile. His hair stood perfectly swept behind white sun glasses and a black shirt blended in with his pin stripe black and white tie. His eyeliner, yes he was into eyeliner for reasons that shouldn't be explained at the moment incept for the fact that it brought depth to his eyes, circled under in a normal fashion, incept Marco has his come out was a curl at the end of his eyes, almost a swirl like pattern. His pants were snow white and his black boots stood laced up unevenly with matching pin stripe shoe laces. What could he say? He knew he looked good. He looked at Perin, nervous and excited, he could tell before glancing in the rear view mirror at Spinner, who was humming along to some AFI song. Marco sighed," Spin, turn that down, we're coming near the school"

Spinner reluctantly turned it down as he glared at him, still pissed off for what had happened that morning "What?"

"We need to give Perin a name…besides his. I mean, kids are gonna be wondering what the hell kind of name is Perin"

"You mean like they wonder what the hell kind of name is Marco?"

"Fuck up, Gavin" Marco sneered out," I don't feel like putting up with your little queen sessions right now. Perin is more important than that-"

"Nicholas" Perin whispered.

"What?" Marco asked, lowering his sun glasses as he came to a stop.

"I always liked the name Nicholas" Perin repeated shyly as Marco shook his head and brought his chin back up." There's no room for shyness at Degrassi High, remember that…Nicholas" He said the name coldly as he clapped his hands together in a quick fashion. Spinner sighed," Marco don't you think that you-"

"No, Gavin, I'm not" Marco said with odd determination, " Our little Perin here has to learn how to fend himself. What if we hadn't have found him, then what? Do you know where you'd be Perin?" Marco asked. " You'd be dead. Or maybe picked up into some prostitute ring where you'd be forced to do unspeakable things for minute amounts of money. Maybe you'd be abused, or lost, or maybe mugged. Have you ever though of that?"

Perin remained silent as Spinner stopped the car," We're here" He sighed out. Marco opened the door and hopped out. Spinner mouthed to him to stay put as Spinner got out as well, slammed the door and walked over to Marco with an angry look in his eyes. " What the hell is wrong with you? Do you not understand that you're freaking the kid out?"

Marco shrugged, pushing his finger into Spinner's chest," Yes, that's the point. I don't want anything happening to him!"

"You're too emotionally attached to this kid already. You know Marco…I wonder what is wrong with you, you act so odd…and…" Spinner trailed off as tears welled up in Marco's eyes and he stood back for a second. "Marco…stop…" He murmured, placing hand on his shoulders," I thought you didn't believe in crying…"

"I don't" Marco snapped, sniffed and wiped a tear away," You pissed me off so much I bit my tongue"

Spinner snorted, holding back laughter," Can we please tone down the drama and get our Nicholas into the school. He needs to be corrupted with all sorts of bad habits…"

"Like cutting class"

"And sneaking out of the gym"

"And setting off the alarms"

"And taking off all his clothes and streaking through the auditorium while the seniors get their diplomas…."

"That was you?" Marco asked, shocked. " Oh Spinner, why didn't you ask me to join you…you know how famous that prank was! Ha, you're the phantom stripper?"

"Sh…" Spinner put a finger to his lips as Marco laughed even louder," Let's save that for Perin to find out on another day"

* * *

**Please, tell me what you think! **


	8. Antics

**Oh what's this? An update? Again. No, she can't do tha- NO IMPOSSIBLE SHE JUST-- OMG I THINK I'M GONNA-**

**Yes. I did just update.**

**I'm doing it again.**

**Why?**

**Because I'm awesome.**

**And in a good mood (Or maybe it's the fact that I just ready some awesome Killer! Shower! Smut and am happily listening to the stills while drinking tea with a little too much sugar in it)**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 8: Antics**

He felt split in two, he had two separate lives. As Andrew Rhyes, he was a powerful actor, always in control. He had wonderful grades, a wonderful boyfriend and an extravagant social life.

And then there was Michael Sullivan. Dead slut boy Michael Sullivan, insecure, broken and lonely.

As he stood in the mirror he decided fuck the public, Michael Sullivan was dead. All he did was switch his middle name and take his mother's maiden name. It wasn't that hard. Hell, he could get it officially changed if he wanted.

Yeah, Michael….

Andrew smiled into the mirror, lips pursed and skin glowing.

Michael Sullivan was dead/

* * *

"Andrew, wonderful of you to join us, with your pants up I notice" Elliot said with a kind laugh as she tipped down her glasses. " I would like for you to meet your other director, but he's inside the dressing room busying himself with the mirror. I swear, he gets more dolled up than the actors"

Andrew titled his head to the side," No problem, I'll go in there. Pants up as well" He smirked as she spiraled into a fit of laughter," Oh Andrew, you're so charming". Andrew walked down the hall into the dressing room to see a man with Blonde hair and green eyes leaning over the mirror, blowing on it for whatever reason. He wore a shirt with the top three buttons undone, and jeans, tight and snug. Sunglass hung loosely around the collar of his shirt as he turned around and sighed out " Damn spray, screws up the glass." He glanced up, a smirk rolling across his lips," Ah…you must be Michael…"

"Andrew, please" Mic- Andrew said, holding out his hand. The man didn't take it and however circled around him," You look sort of depressed, any troubles? " He held up his hand as Andrew began to speak," Hold that emotion, I want it to explode out on stage in a erotic explosion"

Andrew smirked," You're rather vivid with your plan"

"I'm a writer, Andrew. We have dreams of darkness as well as light, we choose which side to write about. And I suppose that our writing effects us…and our loved ones…I just happened to have chose darkness"

"I've noticed" Andrew nodded as he came over to him, close, until they were inches away," My name's Roscoe," He said with a tilt of his head, ear ring jingling, " I can't wait to work with you" He leaned forwards as Andrew blinked out, " What are you doing Rosc-" Pink lips descended on his cheek before they pulled away just as quickly and adjusted Mic- Andrew's tie with a wink," It's a good luck kiss. Have no worry, I have my own shambles at home to attend to."

"That's no way to speak of your girlfriend"

Roscoe snorted," He's no girl. Hardly lovely, hardly charming." He squinted," As a matter of fact, he told me to tell you hi…um…his name is Jake…ring a bell?"

Andrew's eyes flickered, " Ah…Jake." He nodded a little, intending on biting his lip but stopped because Andrew doesn't bite his lip…Michael did. Michael was dead." He's a wonderful character. But enough about him, where's my partner in crime for the story?"

"Oh, no no" Roscoe shook his head," We haven't cast a Matt yet. That's where I come in, since Elliot is too busy fondling and cooing over you. No offence. Just go practice your lines and I'll start the casting process. Again" Roscoe ran a hand though his hair as Andrew looked at him a bit longer.

"What's the matter?" Roscoe asked, looking up.

"Nothing, it's just this smell…you smell like…it's nothing really, but there's this perfume that I love, my friend gave it to me as a joke…Sea breeze or something of that sort"

"Oh, Jake's fault" Roscoe placed a hand to his head, " That asshole, he sprayed it on me before I left out."

'Oh" Andrew murmured as he turned around," I'll tell Elliot that you're casting…." He turned around and closed the door as Roscoe placed his hands against the mirror and snorted again," That's the Michael that Jake's head over fucking heals in love with?" He rolled his eyes in the mirror, looking around for something to throw, or curls his fingers around, but settled with seething instead," What a joke"

* * *

"One more step" Alex breathed out on to Jake, who was trying to walk over to the bathroom once more, but missed terribly and tripped, hitting his head on the toilet. As he groaned out miserably Alex hastily dropped down beside him and cradled his head, " Jake…" he sighed out, taking from the roll of tissue paper next to them and pressing it down against the slit of his cut, " What the hell is wrong with you?"

Jake sneered, holding the tissue harder and flinching a little as he sighed out, " Beats me…" He looked around before settling his eyes on Alex, who looked back at him with a broken down complex and since it hasn't been said in a long time, and since people may not know, Jake has changed quite a lot in the pass few years. His "I'll eventually drag you down with me" complex has evolved into a beautiful rendition of "Watch me wither away before your eyes and then blame yourself when I die" complex. See, it even rhymed. But now, in that moment, looking at Alex he couldn't help but lean in, cup Alex's chin with his cold skinny fingers and bring them towards his in a kiss. Alex didn't know what to do, Jake's sudden kisses were always either drunken or in a lustful fit of sleep, since they were forced to share the same bed. "Jake…" Alex murmured from the corner of his lips before giving up and letting Jake have his way, leaning forwards into his lap and tilting his head up. Jake rather enjoyed his kisses that he stole from Alex every now and then, he even closed his eyes for the occasion, but when he opened them he practically screamed at what he saw.

"Look what you've done" Michael snorted, sitting next to him, powder white.

Jake looked at him sadly and whispered," Why should you care, I'm not hurting you anymore"

"So you transfer your sadness and depression onto Alex? He doesn't deserve that. Look at him, Jake, he's me. He's skinny, pale, black haired, unkempt version of me and just because you saved him from getting killed doesn't justify what you did to me. So stop stringing him along and let the fuck go. Or else, you'll end up hurting more than just him in the end" Michael said, reaching a hand out to hold Jake's cheek. As he hollowly leaned into it Michael disappeared from sight and Jake knew it was because he needed that medication again. He pushed Alex away suddenly, having to throw up again, and Alex just pulled his hair back and held him tight because what the hell else was he supposed to do?

* * *

"Where's Pete?" Marco squinted into the glass in front of him, the cheep paper cups seemed to drab to him these days, the least he could do was get those cheep glass green and pinked colored cups from Pier 1." I mean,. I believe in being fashionably late but this is ridiculous"

"He's not coming" Ryan said, hanging up the phone," They're holding him back at the border. Something about his passport being bad." He snorted," And the fact that they think he's a cocaine dealer. Like he can deal cocaine, he's afraid of white powered substances, hell, he doesn't even like sugar in his tea."

"I was hoping he could come though, we haven't seen him in forever" Marco pouted as Ryan simply shrugged. Someone knocked on their door and he began to get up when Marco stopped him," It's just Dylan, don't open it"

"Why is he here?" Ryan seethed," Do you want me to beat him up now?"

"No…" Marco half lied," We're partners in this Language Arts class, Tommy thinks it'd be ever so uber funny to pair us up together. Do not, do not, I repeat, do not open that door"

"Well maybe instead of opening that door I say we go over there and you look in that closet" Ryan smiled and stopped," No, Harry Potter still isn't in there"

"Damn" Marco pouted as he got up anyway and peeked inside and gasped," Oh my god, Ryan silk skirts!"

"Only the best, a little going away present we can use before I leave you Paris in oh…two weeks" Ryan shrugged as Marco threw off his shirt, a simple " Alonge Perfumea" T-shirt (Yes, I am making up my own company) and pulled the skirt on. Ryan watched in amusement as Marco half hopped half ran over to him, shoved him against the wall and said " Put on your skirt, I want to have fun now"

Ryan quirked an eyebrow, Marco is very sexually dominating when he wants to be. Ryan did as Marco told him, laughing out between kisses as Marco smiled and clapped the lights, which they brought from the house, off. After a hour of the door still being banged on a make up smeared Marco and a defiantly breathless Ryan opened the door to see Dylan standing there with wide eyes and mouth open," You heard me knocking there"

"We were busy" Ryan breathed out, rubbing his ass," Christ Marco"

Marco smiled sheepishly," So why ya here Skinnyfuck"

"We have a report to do, Marco" Dylan stated, a little hurt and eyeing their matching black silk skirts.

"We can do it later, I wasn't done…with…" Marco trailed off as Ryan shook his head," Oh no, you're not touching me any time soon" He backed out of the room and waved his hands," I'm off to take a shower, you two have fun"

Marco murmured, turning around. " Stay here" He closed the door, to go get dressed and yelled out at Ryan," You're right, I'm not touching you anytime soon!"


	9. Pressure

**Hello my dear lovelies. I'm so sorry for Alex. This is all I say. But If you remember this isn't the first time? And now you know that Jake is something far worse than….well, you'll see. Mm…God, what would the title be?AN: Bloody hell, I dunno what is up with but it is pissing me off.  
**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 9: Pressure**

Andrew squinted and closed his eyes as the doctor drew the blood from his arm. " Michael…" He said slowly, looking down at the sheet with his medical records on it," Haven't I treated you….with an Adrian Asher as well…yes, I have…oh you were such a skinny lad and look at you now, all big and popular."

"The name's Andrew…" Micha- Andrew sneered out, as the doctor finished drawing the blood, plucked the syringe twice and looked at him with croocked glasses and a mustace of something from a texas western.

"Oh…sorry then, it's just that…on your paper…" The doctor trialed off as Robert gave him a sad look and shook his head. "Oh…" The doctor coughed on and dropped the subject. He instead placed his hand to Andrew's head and sighed out," Andrew…I'm worried about you, you look rather…well….peekid….have you been taking your medication?"

"Not really" Robert cut in before Michael could lie.

"Well, I suppose that's the first thing on your list. We'll get you some medication and you should be feeling good as new, okay?"

Andrew sneered at the corner of his mouth, eyeing the syringe and murmuring a stalled "Mmmph" as an answer before sighing. Adrian Asher. Why did that name hurt to much?

* * *

Jake murmured, " I cut my fingers on this stupid ass glass piece and now it won't stop bleeding. Shane, get the hell away from those damn bagels, shut the hell up Larry before I dock your pay and I swear to god penny if you do now get the fuck away from that bottle of wine I will have your ass fired. I'm sick, I'm bitchy, and if we don't have a successful party tonight each and every one of you will be transferred to the Leons District, and you know how business flows there." He said the last part with sarcasm as his co-workers moaned with agitation. He heard a soft laugh behind him and turned around to see Andrew leaning with his hands folded under his chin on a piece of art work that someone has put there. " I see that you're feeling better"

"Hardly" Jake snorted as he clapped his hands and made his workers go away. As Andew beamed him a smile he turned towards him," And thanks, you know, for the whole sudden passing out thing. I've been doing that lately and…well, it's not fun"

"No problem, I had a friend that used to be like that, horrible situation for the kid" Andrew half shrugged as Jake continued walking, him following in tow. Andrew's brown eyes flickered down to Jake's fingers, which were tapped up at the moment with white tape and frowned," How did you cut your fingers anyway?"

He smiled sheepishly," Got into a fight…"

"With your boyfriend?"

"Roscoe, no, he wouldn't hit me. My friend…we uh…didn't see eye to eye on somethings, so he decided to smash a fucking bottle down on my hand" Jake looked down," I deserved it though…I really did. They don't hurt that badly" He moved his fingers around a bit, smiling weakly.

Andrew stepped forwards, completely invading Jake's personal space and took the hand into his own and looked at it carefully," How many times did he hit you with that damn thing?"

"Twice…" Jake lied. But what he had did to Alex was much worse.

Andrew frowned and then let go," You're quite the character Jake". He followed Jake into the back room once more, waiting for him to pour him a glass of water as Jake suddenly blurted out," What would you do if you hurt the only person in the world that still believed in you?"

Andrew took his time sipping his water before smirking," Jake, you can't hurt a person who believes in you."

Jake sighed," I mean….you know what I mean Andrew"

"I do" Andrew nodded. " What would I do exactly? I'd kiss them" He said it plainly," I'd kiss them and make them feel like if they left me now I'd die."

"That's horrible" Jake whispered.

Andrew shrugged," The person who did it to me did a wonderful job of it. It took me three years to figure it out, that all he had was just a game…" He trailed off in his own little world.

Jake pushed himself against the wall," Can I tell you what happened? Since we've become some what of secret sharers"

"Sure" Andrew blinked back the rest of his thoughts and leaned idly on the table," Shut the door though, those fans are starting to piss me off with their sudden fan girl and boy outbursts. One of them rippped my shirt yesterday"

Jake closed the door and then his eyes fluttered from the sudeen movement," I was with Alex on the floor….I couldn't keep down anything as usual…and I had kissed him…"

_"I think you should lay back down" Alex whispered, holding Jake's back and rubbing it slowly. Jake simply staired out into the void of the bathroom and sighed out, murmuring something. Alex reached over to touch his arm and Jake's eyes glazed over, murmuring out "Mikey…" Sadly, in slow harsh whispers._

_"I'm not your Michael" Alex whisperes a little harder than he should and it jars Jake out of his thoughts as he reaches over and grabs him by the colar of his shirt," But would you like to be?"_

Jake looked down on the floor as Andrew raises his eyebrows," That's amusing, mental and physical seduction"

"I wasn't trying to seduce him…I was thinking of someone else…" Jake sniffed out slightly.

J_ake held Alex's arms at his sides as he looked him up and down," You could be my new Michael"_

_"I'd never be your Michael" Alex sneered out," Jake, let go of me"_

_"Maybe I don't want to…it's sad Alexy, the way you pine for me everyday…like I can't see it in your eyes" Jake cooed softly," It's pretty adorable….wouldn't you love it if I paid more attention to you…" He trailed his fingers down his face," Really paid attention to you"_

_"Jake, stop. This isn't you"_

_"There is no me. That me, the real me, died 12 years ago" Jake snapped._

"It was horrible" Jake whispered," Horrible…"

"What happened?"

"I…"

_Jake pushed Alex up against the wall, looked around, made sure the door was locked. Alex tried to move but Jake knew his weak spots, his writst throbbed under Jake's pressure as he licked his lips._

"I could've swore I'd never do that…not to him…"

_Jake unzipped his pants…._

"I didn't mean for it…"

_He grabbed Alex's hair. " You want it so badlly…"_

"It was a fucking mistake" Jake gripped onto the edge of the table as Andrew leaned over and touched his arm," What happened next…"

_He shoved his head down," Then have it"_

Jake's eyes snapped up," It was over as soon as it started. I didn't last long."

Andrew's eyes flickered with pain," How could…"

"I didn't mean it. I swear…I need my meds" Jake blurted out, covering his mouth as Andrew looked at him," No wonder…I should've known" Andrew shook his head," Don't worry, I won't tell…I had a friend that needed them as well. Jake, I say you go back home-"

"I wasn't done though" Jake whispered.

Andrew quirked an eyebrow. "What…?"

Jake sighed out. " Well…."

_Alex's lips were red by the time he was done, wiped the corner of his lips with his tumb, Jake, backed into the corner, breathing ruffly, because who knew that that kid had so much wind power in him? Granted Alex ended up having an Asmatha attack during the whole seneario, but during all the flailing and gasping that Alex was doing Jake was trying not to rip at the seems.Alex's eyes looked dull as he reached out for Jake's hand, but Jake simply back away, about to throw up again because at this point the had no fucking idea what he was doing. Alex tugged him back by the collar of his shirt for a kiss, pushing dark strands of hair out of the way and breathing irregulary, because he knew he needed his inhaler but fuck that, he was busy. There was really nothing he could say…how he …Jake just sho…_

_Jake sucked on the corner of his mouth for a second, trying to focus on one object as Alex pulled him up off the floor, one hand gripping at his tie from earlier, the other one holding Jake's mouth in place. As they stumbled out of the bathroom, over to the bed, Jake's shirt half unbuttoned and shoes gone, Alex shoved him down on the bed, hard. He climbed ontop of him and sneered out," Jake, why'd you do that? You know I would've done it…but not like that…" He shook his head," So now…I have to do something to hurt you as well. Cause we're not gonna have the whole Michael senario all over again and have us habor feelings of bitterness for the rest of our life."He bit his lip and Jake stiffened, " We're going to settle this now"_

* * *

Marco crossed his arms as Dylan scribbled down on a piece of paper intently and sighed. He held it up to Marco to see and he squinted at it, " Dylan, this is too hard! I give up" He threw the pencil down to the floor as Dylan looked at the paper with a quirked brow and smirked," Come on, you know this…."

They were studing for the test that just happened to be a team test. Marco squinted and snatched the paper," Okay, fine…D"

Dylan laughed and shook his head, drawing the little legs on the hangman that they were playing and snorted," I win. It said Ice Cream. How could you spell that wrong?"

"Hangman was always a shitty game" Marco pouted," It's racist…"

"Cause you're Italian…?"

"No, cause I'm black!" Marco snapped," Let's do our work. I want to get this over with"

Dylan sat back inside the chair in study hall and frowned at him, "Fine, you start us off" He pushed the papers to the side and folded his hands under his chin, making Marco roll his eyes," Don't do that"

"Do what?"

"Make that sexy smart boy face around me, you know I never liked that" He squinted in agiatation.

Dylan frowned," I am not"

Marco snorted," Bullshit"

"I noticed you've been curing a lot lately, what happened to my peach little boy?" Dylan said quietly," You're such a dirty kid now"

"I am not"

"Cursing, hot drag queen sex….yeah, you're not dirty"

Marco flushed a little, he was a bad boy wasn't he? He suddenly had the urge to climb on the table and scream out some rather raunchy words but held back because suddenly he had the feeling that he was being pulled into something he was not yet ready for.

* * *

Jake leaned up against the wall, eyes clouded and tears freely flowing. Andrew staied in his spot, biting the corner of his lips as he felt the sting of blood but didn' mind, it's not like it was his first time. His eyes focused to the floor as Jake whispered. " I tried to stop it…whatever it was…"

_"Alex…" Jake moaned out, bit his lip, burring his hands into the sheets. He tired to look anywhere but the pale kid's face bellow him, bobbing up and down in quick motions. He wanted it to end, right then and right now. He was Michael. "Alex stt---sttop pl-please I don't- wanan…."_

_Alex stopped in mid flow and looked at him with pure black eyes. " What's the matter Jakey?"_

_"Look what happened now" Michael snorted, laying besides Jake and shaking his head," Look what you did. Jake, I swear, I really worry for you"_

_'I wish you'd just go away"_

_"No, no, since you stopped chasing me I have to chase you. Remember, you're the one who said we can't excape each other in our dreams" Michael snorted. " Besides, look at out little Alex, with his pale skin and dark eyes. Don't I look so pretty? I mean him?"_

_"Shut up"_

_"Isn't this everything that we dreamed of?" Michael snorted, " This is your version of perfection!"_

_"No!" Jake screamed, shaking Michael's words from him and yanking Alex away from him." No, it isn't" He shook his head," I'm sorry Alex….I'm so sorry…" He coughed a little as Alex snorted. " I wasn't done…"_

_"But I am.." Jake whispered, rolling off the bed clutching a blanket and going over to the table, assorted glasses and bottles of wine sitting there, all of which he stole from assorted transmission parties for him and Alex to dine on._

_"Was there something wrong with me?" Alex yelled. Jake turned around as Alex moved closer," Aren't I what you wanted? Haven't I become Michael?"_

_"You will never be Michael" Jake sneered out, coughing once more. His eyes blurred as he sobbed out," You can't be"_

_"Jake, you're a sick fuck" Alex whispered, taking the champange bottle and smashing it down on his hand in one flush movement. Jake blinked at his hands, the glass shards painfully poking into his skin as he sighed and placed his head down on the table and whispered out " I know"_

Jake looked up. Andrew smirked slightly as Jake leaned over the table and onto his arms," So that's what happened. And now I want to get so smashed that I can't breathe. Would you care to help me?"

Andrew raised his glass," I sure as hell can"

* * *

Ich heisse, Review. 


	10. Heartbeat

**Love your reviews as always, Azury, where have you been? I;m worried, I hope all the school work isn't strangling you too much, you're one of my muses, you know. Here is the next part, tell me if anything confuses you. It may seema little OOC, but only due to the fact that they're drunk. The way things should be. AN: When the hell are they going to find out about each other anyway! Lol**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Heartbeat**

Marco kissed Ryan on the lips and tugged at his shirt as Ryan sighed and turned around only to get kissed again. " I don't want you to leavvvveee me" Marco cried out sadly, holding onto Ryan's jacket. Ryan pouted," You know I have to, my little ice cream bar, but I'll bring you back a present…" He sighed out over his shoulder, pulling him into a hug," Maybe some erotic Paris skirt with leather belt loops"

Marco's eyes lit up," Oh…."

Ryan smiled," See, just count the days. I'll write to you. And if Dylan gives you a problem, you know, I'll come all the way back just to kick his ass. And no raunchy parties!" He tweeked his nose," Cause we all know how much you love your beer"

Marco nodded, " I do…I love my beer"

As the airport terminal thinned out Ryan's flight got called. Marco still clung onto him like dead skin for a few more minutes before he finally let go and sighed. " I wub you Rye" He said quietly, a little baby voice as he fiddled with his hoddie and blushed. He didn't say I love you to Ryan often, but on the rare times that he did he often meant it. "Oh…." Ryan smiled, turning around and kissing him again," Marco don't make it hard on me, I love you too" He kissed his head," Now can I get on my plane, please?"

"Yeah…sure…I guess" Marco shrugged, blushing as usual.

"Ciao babe" Ryan said before hauling his bag and walking through the gate. Marco sighed, looking at a man across the room smoking a cigarette and raised his eyes at Marco. Being boyfriendless was going to be hard.

* * *

Andrew nodded, cheeks flushed and eyes glossed over," I very much like your shirt Mr. Jake" He said with a slur while smiling. Him and Jake were leaning over the small bride in the very wide back yard of the transmission party art gallery. Glasses tippped so far back they couldn't see over the rim they both took a sip at the same time again. " I think that I like you" Jake said suddenly, laughing. " It's quite fun getting drunk"

"Yes, me as well. What is your full name then Jake?"

"You'll never know" Jake teased, leaning in and snorting," That'd run the fun Mr. Rhyes"

"Who said that was my real name?" Andrew breathed," I could be a completely different person"

"How sad" Jake pouted," Changing your appearance, I'd never do that. I'm not proud of who I am, but I'd never run away from my past, I can't, it seems"

"No, Jake, you don't understand, so much has happened in my life…" Andrew trailed off, the wine making his words stumble forwards," It's hard to think about it…"

"Well then fuck it…then…ya" Jake said," Let's go out for a walk then. Leave this shitty transmission party"

"By the end of the night will you tell me your name?"

"Will you tell me your real one?" Jake countered, sluring slightly. His eyes squinted in confusion as he stumbled over the chair in the back. Andrew caddily smirked, locking arms with him and dragging him through the back gate," By tonight, you'll find out a lot about me"

* * *

**Page 47: Act IIVX**

**Jude**: Matt are you okay? I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there.  
**Matt:** How couldn't you, I was behind the curtin the whole time, I can't believe he hit you

**Jude:** It doesn't matter, are you okay?  
**Matt:** Yeah…I got scratched a little, that's all… (Places a hand to Jude's face) Does it burn?  
**Jude:** Like hell, but I'll be okay Matt (Kisses Jude's bruised cheek) I didn't mean for this to happen

** Jude: **It's okay… (Lingers for a moment) I just wanted to make sure you're okay. Because nothing can happen to you, you know that right, while I'm here, nothing bad will ever happen to you.  
**Matt:** I'm scared though Jude, we have to leave now, tonight…  
**Jude:** Wh- why? What's the sudden rush

**Matt:** You're not getting abused anymore, I won't allow it

** Jude: **(Smiles) Matt, you worry far too much. But we will leave tonight if that's what you wish. I don't mind leaving at all now that I think about it, we'll be together finally. At last **Matt:** Yeah… (bites his lip) I hope.  
**Jude**: No, you must believe it, we have no time for hopes and dreams in this sad reality!  
**Matt:** …  
**Jude**: (Takes Matt's hand) Tell me. Look me in the eye and tell me you believe it

** Matt **: I…I believe it…I believe we'll make it. We have to…we will.

Roscoe looked over the page once more, fixed the last line and then wrung his hands together with a smile. " Brilliant" He murmured to himself, figuring out who was going to play the lead role oppside Andrew. It'd be the best act yet. Of course Jake would have a problem with that, but fuck him, Roscoe owned him anyway.

* * *

Dylan knocked on the door as Marco shuffled through the living room with a glass of hot chocolate and a magazine of the top 10 hotest men to keep him occupied. " Dylan?" Marco asked, rubbing his eyes. His pajamas, green sweat pants with frogs on it and a wife beather clung to him tightly. Marco suddenly realized how much he grew up and made note that later on after Dylan left to recapture his youth he'd go spin around to The Killers like in the old days. Or go on People Publishing dot net, because come on, that website rocked. " What are you doing here?"

"I had left my jacket here, do you mind?" Dylan asked, red eyes and a tired slump to his body.

"Whatever, it's on the couch" Marco waved his hand as he sat down on the couch himself and picked up the magazine again. One page flipped down as he smirked and licked his lips," Hello April…"

" Can I ask you a question?" Dylan asked. Another page flipped down from the magazine as Marco nodded, eyes intent on reading the article…and other things.

" Look, I know it seems awkward for me to be around you, and I feel the same way, but I want to tell you that I never meant to hurt you…" Dylan sighed out, sticking his hands into his pocket. Marco grunted, yet another page flittering down from the magazine and Marco had to cough at it. " And I just found out that Remy got out of rehab and you know that it's all Randy's fault… and God, Marco, please, just forgive me. Say anything! I can't bare thinking about how much you hate me! I can't sleep at night! My teeth aren't the perfect white they used to be and ….say something damnit!"

"Christ" Marco murmured, two more pages flipping down. He tilted his head to the side for a moment, and then counted the folds. " This has to be in a record book somewhere…"

"Are you even listening to me?" Dylan screeched.

"Obviously not, because Mr. April here has me busy. Ya, I forgive you, now raise up out my appartment and take your jacket so I can go and dance to the Killers" Marco said, waving his hand as he turned the page and smiled to himself again.

"Fine I'll just…wait, did you say…the Killers?"

"Yeah…" Marco looked up from the magazine," Why?"

"Oh…" Dylan smirked," No reason…I just happen to have…the limited edition CD. I'm sure you have it too…right?"

Marco slapped a palm to his head in fustration as he had a major flashback

_Marco tugged on Ryan's sleeve as they walked down the mall together looking for the closest record store._

_" We really need a famous friend so we can say that" He said with a nod, looking around._

_"You do have enough money for both of them right…?" Ryan asked as they walked into the store and Marco automatically picked up Franz Ferdinand's new CD and the Killers limited edition one. " Because you know I'm flat broke…hun…Marco…stop drolling over the cover and look at me!"_

_"What?" Marco asked," No, you were supposed to pay for them"_

_Ryan shook his head," No…I wasn't you were. I paid for your Fall Out Boy CD. Which you threw against the wall after you heard that they were having a rivalry with the Killers and I brought the Bravery CD after you heard they were having a rivalry with The Killers"_

_Marco pouted," But…I'm broke…Rye…"_

_"Sorry, I can't help you…come on, let's go home and play their other CD then…."_

_Marco almost cried as they turned around_

"Yeah, well I had it…but I gave it to a orphan who needed it" Marco lied.

"Oh…cause I just happened to have it…" Dylan pulled it out of his pocket as Marco almost launhed himself on to him, but held back, because it only reserved that urge for Ryan. " But you want me to go so…"

"No no no" Marco shook his head, getting up and shuting the door with his foot, " I have hot chocolate and hot male magazines, stay a while"

Dylan smirked, " I thought you'd never ask"

* * *

"Oh, how lovely the night is!" Andrew exclaimed, twirling about the street with his glass tipped up in the air, his nose red from the wine and his tie slackened. " And oh how I love talking like a Victorian character, it's rather good fun!"

"I guess" Jake snorted, following suite in small circles down the block. They flittered through the snow like angels as the moonlight blasted upon their faces in pale shadows. It was pushing past midnight, people locked away in their homes and tucked tight while these two were the devils of the night. " I like cursing better, because when you curse, most of the time you get your fucking point across"

"Yes! You do actually!" Andrew smiled, taking Jake's hands and spinning him around in a circle," Isn't it fun to be somewhat drunk? Fuck the formal casualities, I say, fuck it all"

Jake laughed, becoming dizzy, " Cursing with Victorian speech, is just as fun I suppose and right…I mean pip pip cherios! Fuck them all! Fuck Marco! Fuck Michael! Fuck Robert! Fuck me!"

"You say all these names!" Andrew cheered, " For I know them too. Fuck Jake, and fuck Marco then. Fuck Elliot and Roscoe!"

"Fuck them all!" They both cheered out at the same time, colasping into a pile of snow face down. After a few minutes Jake whispered out," Are we drunk yet?"

"Yeah" Andrew snorted," I think so. Why?"

"Good, now the real fun can begin" Jake said with a smirk. He pulled him up, grabbed his hand, pushed him against his chest and waltzed through the street with him as a light drizzle of snow began to cascade down upon the town. He whispered into his ear, over his shoulder," Want to come back to my place instead of freezing your ass off out here?"

"No" Andrew smiled," We have all night, Jake, don't ruin the moment. Twirl me"

Jake complied and laughed, he hadn't been this happy in a long time.

* * *

Ryan colasped onto the bed as Pete paced around him with one eye open." Pete, go to bed….please"

Pete moaned out with his freshly cut hair and sighed," I can't" He leaned aginst the cabient of the hotel room and snorted as the Effile Tower's bright lights glowed inside the room. It was a stark red, black ahirs and bed covering which reminded Ryan of him and Marco's old room, and a hot wood finish. The lights were off though, and the snow snaked it's way through the air in waves downwards. " I have too many things on my mind, too much to write…"

"I hope this isn't odd for you and all…" Ryan trailed off as Pete shook his head and fell onto the bed besides him like old times. " No, not at all. We've all grown up. Besides, I just dumped someone, so I'm not in the mood for romance whatsoever"

"Even in the city of Love?"

Pete rolled his eyes," Shut up. Rye, I'm just glad to have you around…you know, with Andy and Brian and you and Marco, we're all separated from each other and hardly keep in touch and I'm all alone…" He trailed off, eyes lowered.

"It's okay" Ryan smiled timidly as he closed his eyes," I'm here for now…I'm sure we'll make the best out of if"

* * *

"Marco" Dylan said after a few minutes of silence.

Marco's eyes fluttered open as he heard his voice and yanwed," What?"

"You fell asleep, again" Dylan murmured, pointing down to the fact that they had somehow ended up on the floor and Marco was clinging into his leg. " Yeah, gimme a few more minutes then" Marco sighed, closing his eyes again.

It took Marco 5 seconds to register their position before he sat up and yelled out." Oh my god Dylan, you perverted little violator, you used me in a time when I had my guard down, you bastard!"

"No, no no no, Marco, I didn't do anything like that-"

"Oh my god you are so sick! You are such a ….a …goddamnit I need some ice cream! Where did Ryan put the ice cream" Marco cried, getting up off the floor and slinking over to the fridge.

"Marco we didn't do anything but you said that you didn't feel well and that you're not..-"

"He locked the fucking ice cream up!" Marco cried, looking at the note.

**No sweets for you Marci.**

** Wuv you.**

**Xoxox Rye.**

"I hate that asshole!" Marco murmured, slumping down to the floor.

"You fell asleep after dancing around like an idiot!" Dylan finished out," Like old times…"

"Oh" Marco said quietly, feeling foolish. " I knew that…what time is it?"

"You've only been asleep for an hour, it's 1 am. Can we start up on the work again, please?"

"Ya, ya" Marco sighed out. He got up once more and put on some more hot chocolate before walking into the living room and sitting down on the couch," Okay, what should we start off with?"

"I don't know really" Dylan laughed despite himself. " I'm just following whatever you say…"

"For once" Marco snorted as Dylan raised his eyebrows. " Sorry. Look, all we have to do is…" He turned around at the sound of the tea pot whistling and rose up to go get it and pour the hot chocolate packets into their cups. " Name 3 different Lovers with issues from our favorite books and write a synopsis on them, simple work" He returned with Dylan's cup and placed it on the table only to have Dylan knock it over into his lap. " Shit…owww" Dylan cried out as Marco laughed quietly to himself and placed a tissue to his lap," Here…" He pressed down on it gently as Dylan's eyes captured Marco's for the first time all night…

* * *

Review jajaja? 


	11. Bathroom Handles In My Back

**You know guys, this story seems to have gotten a little odd, and a little more twisted and I really want you all to tell me what you think. I really hang over a line for your reviews. Um, Jake and Andrew make nice with each other, a little over acting and a lot of drama. You know the routiene.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 11: Bathroom Handles On My Back  
**

Andrew bit at the corner of his lips as Jake snorted and fell backwards against the wall that he had been pushed up against with a slight gasp. Andrew had his hands wrapped around his waist tight, almost to the point of suffocation and arms pinned above his head, a smile playing upon blue lips. The cold had finally chased them into Jake's shitty apartment, Alex nowhere to be seen and Roscoe out and about somewhere. " Hey Andrew…can I hear your name now…?" Jake whispered out, sliding across the wall as Andrew drapped him by his wrist.

"No" Andrew said darkly, smirking," You'll find out soon enough…just…I don't know, make me forget Jake. You're good at that."

"What…" Jake panted out, switching positions as they fell to the floor, too drunk to coordinate a path towards the bedroom. " Do you want me to make you forget…" His pale hands fell upon the buttons of Andrew's shirt as Andrew withered under him and shook his shaggy hair," Everything…" He breathed." Do anything, just make me forget it all…."

Jake watched as Andrew's eyes lit up at the touch of his skin and backed against the wall. As his eyes finally focused he realized they had finally made it to a room, too bad it was the bathroom. Although at the moment, he didn't really give a fuck, he had a perfectly fine looking person in front of him dying to give him his all at the moment. And that was all that mattered. " I want you to act for me…" Jake breathed out, nipping down his neck gently.

"Ac…act how?" Andrew stuttered.

"Repeat me the lines from your script…" Jake said, moving lower to his stomach, lingering below his bellybutton, his toungue swirling around the skin. Andrew sneered a bit, closing his eyes as he flinched, a sign of him switching into his play mode, losing all idea of his life and absorbing the characters. "Matt…" He breathed out, groaning slightly," Matt…please don't stop…" He reached out to grab Jake's hair as he continued," Don't stop"

Jake opened his mouth but Andrew stuck his finger there and shook his head," I've waited too long for you to say no…" He cried slightly as he shook his head," Own me…"

Jake raised his eyebrows. Michael appeared besides him again and only said a few words quickly, rushed," He's asking for it Jake, own him." before disappearing again. Jake breathed in shakedily before pressing his mouth against his and pushing him up against the edge of the tub.

* * *

Marco placed a hand to his head and rolled over in the bed to see a picture of Ryan laying there. He sighed, looking at the back of it. Ryan always left little gifts and such while he was gone to keep Marco happy. 

_"Hey Marco" Ryan smiled cheerfully. " Hey, yeah you!"_

_"What?" Marco frowned, crossing his arms._

_"Can I have a kiss?" Ryan said, pouncing on him and smothering him with kisses._

_"Oh my god, stop, you're like a wet dog" Marco cried out between fits of laughter._

He heard the faint tune of "Sexy boy " playing, the ring tone reserved especially for Ryan. He reached over, eyes closed and flipped it open" Hello?"

"Hey"" Ryan breathed out into the phone," I miss you"

"You've only been gone like 1 day"

"And I miss you every moment, what, you don't miss me" Ryan pretended to be hurt as Marco smiled," Me as well. It's odd, Dylan was here…"

"Did he bother you, annoy you, try and molest you? Cause I swear I can get like…the next plane and fly over there and kick his ass, ya, I can" Ryan said, gripping the phone as Marco shook his head dumbly," No, nothing like that! It's just that…um…things sort of got weird…" He closed his eyes, " How's Pete?"

"Heartbroken and adorable" Ryan sighed. " Poor guy, who ever he was dating, they messed him up bad"

"That won't happen to us right?" Marco murmured," I mean, being messed up as a couple and such…right?"

"Well yeah" Ryan smiled gently on his side of the phone, " Of course. Don't be silly love. I'll talk to you later, Pete's showing me around tomorrow so I can set up with the gallery, there's a lot riding on this…" He trailed off," Okay?"

"Yeah…sure" Marco whispered goodnight and then hung up, leaning against the head board with dull eyes and looked over to see Dylan laying there on the floor quietly.

* * *

Roscoe crossed his arms," Well what the fuck it this?" He looked around the room to see clothes tossed about and someone screaming out. He saw Alex slumped against the door with his eyes closed, too tired to do anything actually and it looked like he had been sitting there for quite a while," Have you given up on proving that Jake's a saint…?" Roscoe smirked as Alex looked away, defeated.

Andrew found the perfect rhythm, he realized as Jake shivered slightly and tried to back away, not being able to handle the tension, but Andrew only pulled him back closer. He guided him slowly at first, and then began to pick up speed as his toes curled and his eyes snapped shut. "Jake…" He whispered slowly, painfully quiet as Jake quivered out in an answer," You can say my real name if you want…"

"What is it…?" Jake gasped out, falling forwards as Andrew stopped momentarily and thought to himself, should he tell him his real name," I don't want to ruin the excitement…"He slowly picked up his pace again.

"God…fine…" Jake gritted out," Just tell me before I co-"

Roscoe opened the door and smirked," Hello Jakey. Whose this you're doing?"

Jake looked up and bit his lips," Roscoe…"

"Roscoe" Andrew repeated through clouded eyes, also giving in and then colasping ontop of Jake, who proceeded to smile up weakly as Roscoe crossed his arms again and smiled, Alex leaning on his shoulder with tears in his eyes as he shook his head and walked away. " Ale--"

"Oh don't bother" Roscoe shook his head," It's about time Alex learned the truth, you little whore. But that's not why I came here, though it does give me ideas for what I was going to do to you tonight…I came here to say that Jake, you're cast as the lead role oppsite Andrew, you'll be playing Matt. That's all" He turned around, " Andrew…always a pleasure seeing you…"

Andrew smiled," You as well Roscoe." He looked at Jake, who was suddenly quiet and panting to gain his breath. " Do you want a drink?"

Jake shrugged." Ya"

* * *

Oh, drama. Review. Cause you must, damnit 


	12. Make Believe

**ZOMG AZURY:; RUNS AND JUMPS ONTOP: I can't explain how much I missed your reviews and you.Black rose on fire? I love you. So Much. Guh.Autum? You know you Pwn me. Kami? Luffers dude. Oh god, I feel like shit, so what's this! I'M UPDATING AGAIN! AND AGAIN: points: YOU GET AN UPDATE : Points: YOU GET AN UPDATE : jumps up and down: EVERYBODY GETS AN UPDATE. Oh…and this may be the last story I post on here….ja, I dunno, I'm working on something.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 12: Make Believe  
**

Alex stood in the door way watching Jake sleep with sad eyes as he felt someone sneak up behind him and place a hand on his shoulders," Horrible isn't it? That little terror that you get from him, how he gets all your hopes up only to have them come crashing down" They smiled as Alex turned away for a second to look them coldly in the eyes," I'm not giving up on him"

"Oh, of course not, not yet that is" Roscoe laughed," I know that you'll end up being dragged down with Jake in the end. Most people he love eventually do"

"But then you-"

"Ah…no Alex. He doesn't love me, therefore, I am not worth dragging down. I don't understand what makes Jake do these things, but I do understand the fact that however Jake does things, I'm always a step ahead of him. And good job on keeping him and that asinine asshole Michael away from each other. Because obviously there's a lot of shit about to happen, now that I pared them together in the play--"

"How could you do that, Roscoe?" Alex gasped out," Do you know what damage that-"

"Of course, of course" Roscoe waved his hand casually, the same demeaning smile on his face. " That's the point. I know Jake, the old Jake," He looked around for a second, settling on the picture of Jake smiling down at someone, but the other person's face was cut off," All these half assed attempts at preventing the inevitable is hilarious. You and Robert, trying to do the impossible. So I just had to prove to you…" He trailed off.

"Prove to me what?"

"Love doesn't always win in the end"

* * *

Robert looked at Michael with sick eyes," How was your night?"

"Eventful" Michael said cheerfully, leaning over to place a kiss on Robert's cheek but he moved to avoid it," Oh"

"Oh?" Michael repeated, frowning" What's that?"

"What's what?"

"You said "Oh" like it was a disappointed sigh or something. What did you think I did?"

Robert scanned Michael's eyes, nothing but clear green eyes. He shook his head and turned around," Nothing, Mikey, I thought nothing. I uh…" His voice sounded flat," You have to meet up with Jake for your reading today, rehearsal I think? And then I thought that maybe we could meet up later on and hang out like we used to. You know, lately since you've gotten famous-"

"Oh Robert" Michael snorted, reaching out to touch Robert but he just slunk away instead," What's the matter with you? Don't you trust me? You act as if I cheated on you or something"

Robert sighed," Never. I wasn't thinking that. I just miss you, that's all"

Michael tried touching him again, this time placing a hand on his back and bringing him towards his body into a warm hug," No matter what, Robby, remember, you're heart will always be mines. Don't worry, I wouldn't cheat on you. Why the hell would I? I need you too much" He whispered the last part out with a curl to his tongue and Robert nodded in a desperate attempt to not burst out tears.

* * *

Marco sat up in his chair, pen stuck behind his ear, daydreaming during his math class as he used to back in high school. He suddenly had the urge to do something different with his life, he suddenly realized that he could have it so much better, do so much better, if he tried. All he had to do was try. And where was he in his life anyway? He remembered last time he had these thoughts was around the time that he had that weird urge for Franz Ferdinand. And he missed getting away with the little things. The small things that used to make him happy. 

Like being an idiot. And laughing with his friends.

Being depressed over Dylan.

Having no worries.

And now, being so mature, getting over all those past issues, well…It just made him feel unsettled.

The fact that he was free made him cringe.

He had no challenge, writers need challenge. It's what drove them, the motivation to prove others wrong, and set a goal for themselves excited them. Without challenges writers would be nothing. And that's how Marco felt at the moment. Maybe this was also brought on by the fact that Ryan was nowhere around to comfort him, but he was beginning to think that maybe…Ryan was slowing him down?

No.

So he got up, took his book bag and left The class. He was going to become something…

Of course he forgot that he was in the middle of class, got yelled at and sat back down again. He'd become something after class.

* * *

" No, don't walk away from me like that!" Andrew snapped, grabbing Jake by the wrist and spinning him around. As fear flashed through his eyes he lowered his voice down a cynical breathy sneer," You're not going anywhere without me"

Jake bit his lips and pressed his hands against Andrew's chest," I wasn't trying to go anywhere….I wasn't try-"

"Shut up!" Andrew yelled out, violently slapping Jake with the back on his hand. He held his body stilly with his palm, Jake's small frame withered underneath his glare. "I'm only saying this once…Matt…can you hear me? Once…look, look me in the eyes damnit!" He raised his hand threateningly and Jake sat up erectly, holding onto balled up fists and moaning slightly.

"You don't want our relationship to become a downward spiral do you?" Andrew stopped. Breathed on Jake's neck and smiled, a cold dark smile," Didn't you say we were supposed to be together? Forever and ever? Isn't that what you used to breathe into my ear on summer nights when all we had was each other? You're not going anywhere without me Matt…"

Jake looked down at the floor, tears stinging his eyes," I wasn't trying to…"

"And cut" Roscoe said, clapping his hands together as Elliot wiped a tear away. But Andrew and Jake were still in the same position, still breathing heavily. " And cut…" Roscoe repeated and Andrew broke away first.

"You guys, the chemistry that you two carry together is electrical…it's painfully perfect" Elliot cried out, clapping her hands together. " Roscoe, you're a genius, aren't you afraid that Andrew might sweep Jake away?"

Roscoe scoffed, waving his hand in an aired manner," Please, Jake's mines. I doubt he'd stray from me…"

"That was odd" Jake breathed out as Andrew let go of him and shook his head slowly," Really odd. I felt so…um…major flashbacks. Horrible memories."

"I think you're just a good actor" Andrew smiled softly," I think you'll make a good co star"

Jake looked to the ground," That's what I'm afraid of"

* * *

Alex paced around as Robert screamed at him in his cell phone." How could this happen? How could this fucking happen? HOW could they met again, us not know, and then he fucking lies to my face!" Robert yelled out, smashing his fist into the walls.

"That's the power that Jake has over us" Alex whispered out sorrowfully, " I'm afraid that Michael will get swept up into it too….again"

"No" Robert cried," No…"

"And why the hell not?"

"Because he said he loved me" Robert whispered as Alex closed his eyes and inhaled slowly.

The game had just gotten more interesting.


	13. Don't Love Me Please

**Chapter 13: Don't Love Me Please  
**

The weather was painfully cold on that awkward November day was Jake walked with Alex holding hands down the block. His hair was tucked tight under a hat, which on ontop of the hood from his sweater. He had several layers on, due to the fact that his flushed cheeks obviously pointed out how sick he really was. He tugged on Alex's sleeve slowly. Alex would remember that tug for the rest of his life after the words that followed.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked, worried.

"I love you" Jake stated plainly and Alex's heart stopped.

"What?"

"I said I love you" Jake repeated again slowly, trying to figure out what to say next.

Alex caught him off guard," Why?"

" Why?" Jake repeated.

"Yeah, why do you love me?"

He thought for a second." I don't know"

Alex suddenly began to cry, just a little bit.

"No…wait, what did I say something wrong? Please Alex don't cry, I loath it deeply." Jake whispered, making Alex cry harder so he slapped him," Alex what the hell is wrong with you?"

Alex looked up with red stinging cheeks and touched the spot where Jake slapped him with broken eyes. Jake looked taken aback when he noticed that look and tried to step forwards," I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hit you. Damnit…why does this keep happening? I shouldn't have said anything" He sighed out in agitation as he walked over to a bench and sat down. Alex just stood there hugging himself, tears streaming down his eyes.

After a few minutes he ended up leaning against Jake and sobbing in his jacket," I love you too" was all he could say. Even though he really didn't want to. He really didn't want to feel anything at the moment but he did. A bad love, a burning love. Something sharp that sent darts of dark fantastic passion surging through his body, the only type of feeling that Jake knew how to give people.

And as much as he despised this feeling he loved it even more.

**(I feel the emotion in that sentence from the day I wrote it and go" Wow" every time)**

* * *

Andrew paced around as Robert sat in front of him and frowned," What's the matter now?"

"Your hair"

"What's the matter with my hair?" Andrew asked, touching his locks.

"It looks different. It's dyed midnight blue. Why?" Robert had a cold edge to his voice as Andrew shrugged," I always enjoyed this look, and I think it best fits my character, wouldn't you say so as well?"

"I want you to change it"

"What"

"I want you to change it. Right now. Go and wash that shit out of your hair" Robert sneered out as he walked out of the room, grabbing his coat.

"Why are you so dead set on making me wash this out? There's nothing wrong with the color…Robby--" Andrew yelled, running after him and catching him by the arm and turning him around," What the fuck has been your problem lately?"

Robert pulled his arms away as his cell phone rang. " Hello?" He asked, the phone making the tips of his ear freeze. " Oh hi." He deadpanned the whole reaction. " I know. Yes, I know….no it's not that…yes…yeah sure….I'm pretty sure he is fucked but that doesn't mean that….wait, who hit you…no…I knew it, I fucking knew it! I told you this was going to happen….I don't care how much he says he loves you….oh…you do?" Robert closed his eyes," I'll be there in a few minutes, don't move" He closed the phone

"Who was that?"

"A friend" Robert rushed past Andrew but he simply reached out and grabbed him again," What is going on between us? Why don't you like this hair color. Robert, you're starting to agitate me"

Robert wheeled on him." I'm agitating you?" He snorted, sighing as he remembered something

"Why is your hair like that Mikey?" Robert asked one day after Michael had wondered into the room with blueish black hair and dark circles under his eyes. Michael sighed tiredly, " I tried out for a drama major today, and I thought if I dyed my hair it'd be good luck. Adrian had his hair like that, and I'd like to think I still had something left of me with him. So I dyed it. I normally do it when I'm upset though…I don't know why"

"Just get rid of it before I get back home"

"Are you threatening me?"

Robert sneered out as he slammed the door," Yes"

**(: rolls eyes, kicks Michael: )**

* * *

Andy smiled as he braided Tilly's hair in the back of the car," So what's this I hear that you…of all people, have a boyfriend?" Tilly busted out laughing in disbelief," No…not Bri bri, he can't stay in a steady relationship. Dadd- Michael told me that himself"

Brian frowned," Even the kid's got a point…-- Hey Michael said what? And besides, it's not a big deal, he's always on the go, so it's not like I see him all the time anyway or anything. And that I'm still madly in love with Andy."

Andy stuck out his tongue," Cute, so how does he look?"

"Um…strong arms, tight build. Blue eyes, dark black hair. Has two brothers. Smexy as hell"

"Smexy?"

"Smutty and sexy" Brian nodded," Smexy"

"Sounds like a hottie"

"Well, he is" Brian shifted gears and then pulled onto the next highway.

" Do you have any clue where the hell we're going?"

"No" Brain half truthed," I dunno….but um, at least we're having fun?" He said it as a question than a statement

"We are?"

"I am" Tilly pitched in.

"Well if she's happy….um, what's his name"

Brian flushed.

"oh my god, your blushing? Oh my….fuck….you never blush!" Andy stammered, this was a shocker for centuries to come. " What's his name, you love him don't you. You want to be his looovvvvaaa, HIS LOOVVVVVVVAAAA"

"Lover" Tilly corrected but giggled quietly and said " Lova"

"Not for that reason….um…his name is Randy" Brian murmured.

"Oh, that's a hot name…Oh wait…" He trailed off, waiting for his thought to kick in. " Randy…randy…YOU MEAN DYLAN'S EX BOYFRIEND RANDY! How the hell did you pull that off?"

"well I pulled something off…" Brian trailed off as Tilly giggled and squeeled "Gay sex!"

Andy covered his mouth as him and Brian said at the same time," She's getting it from you, you know"

"She is not!" Brian frowned.

"She is too" Andy murmured.

"You're the whore"

"You're the pimp"

Tilly knew where this was going and sighed out.

"Bitch"

"Dirty….boy…slut toy thingy"

Andy reached over into the front seat and poked Brian in the chest." Bastard"

"Bugger" Brian sneered into his ear,

Tilly silently counted…

" Fuck you!"

"Fuck you"

"That's why your lips taste like salt" Brian yelled.

"Where do you think that taste came from?" Andy yelled back.

That was unexpected….

Without warning Andy pounced on Brian through the back of the car and starting molesting him. " Andy…traffic…" Brian sighed out, driving with his foot as Andy dragged him through the back seat like a scene from jaws. " I can't find your…button…"

"Snot wearing a button down sh-"

"The other one" Andy said as cars honked behind them and they went off the road. Tilly wiggled into the front seat and switched on the GPS mode of the car to navigate for them. Brian had money, so all his things were top of the line. Meanwhile Andy smiled as he found the zipper and Brian proceed to yell out in an over exaggerated voice. " Gay- gay passion?"

Andy smirked and nodded, biting down on his bottom lip," Gay passion"

**(LMAO : rolls: gay passion indeed: )**

* * *

Robert cradled Alex in his arms, the cold arm making them both hollow inside as Alex choked out," This wasn't supposed to happen"

"How could you love someone who destroys everything?" (Didn't Robby be like, enamored by the thought of Jake, hello, airplane scene three years ago)

"Jake doesn't destroy everything he touches…"

"But he doesn't love-"

"He does" Alex snapped. " He destroys everything he loves because that's how he grew up. Everything he loved was taken away from him, so now he tries to push people away so that way they don't get hurt but…they still end up hurting anyway"

Robert paused for a moment, looking into Alex's weak eyes," Look what happened to you…." He brushed a hand against his cheek," Does it hurt?"

"He slapped me, not mauled me" Alex rolled his eyes, but the silence that was crazy was painful enough," But it hurts"

"Of course it does" Robert sighed, placing a soft friendly kiss there.

Alex just held him close," This is just fucking ridiculous. But Roscoe is going to fix everything"

"Roscoe, how?"

"The kissing scene" Alex murmured, sleepy eyes closing as Robert shoved him to stay awake, but obviously Alex was beyond tired. " What kissing scene, from the play? Alex why do you have to fall asleep now…damnit?" Robert trailed off as Alex murmured, half in sleep, " It'll bring the audience to it's knees…"

* * *

**(I am not setting up Alex and Robert, I am not setting up Alex and Robert, I am not setting up Alex and Robert, I am not setting up Alex and Robert, I am not setting up Alex and Robert :shakes head, whistles: no, not me. What so ever. Period. : runs : )Okay, so I have 1 more new character. Jamie. And yes, now everything comes around full circle again, things from the past are back. Remember Rory? Good. He'll be quite important because Jakey has a secret that only 2 people know. Heheheh, I love me. And you. And everybody. :points: YOU GET A HUG! AND YOU! I watch too much Oprah**


	14. So Arty

**People keep saying that they were hoping for some Alex/ Robert action. That was sarcasm in the other chapter, I'll slash as many people as I want and or need for my story/ twisted opera to go accordingly.Let's get to the reviews shall we, cause I just came back from taking this serious ass test to see if I can get into one of the high schools that I really want to go to, and it just cheered me up a hell ova lot to see this sitting inside my mail box when I got home. 3**

**Azury**: rolls: you're just too damn smart sometimes missy, but I'm glad that you can figure out things ahead of everyone else. You get a sticker and a hug for that : hugs and hands sticker: Oh., oh yes, the kiss will be breath taking and show stopping. I kinda felt light headed when I wrote it. Oh, well I channel country every now and then, for whatever reason, but I'm glad that you liked it. I try. 3. Oh AN: Marco totes isn't loosing Ryan that easily.

**Autum: **33333333333333. Oh sweet drama.

**BlackRoseOnFire:** You need a nick name, with a Y at the end. Now, you just do. I'll find something for you. It may be unconforatble but it's sexeh. I'm glad ….woah, wait, I'm your fav author? WOW: Does Ashlee Simpson Gig, but with feeling and love: that just made my day all over again. It's nice to be a favorite. Oh, I do love your new format, either way was fine, I don't complain, a review is an review. I tried to slap Jake but I cut my hand on the computer screne. So you're not the only one.

**Bee: I** know you likey my things. Vh1 is pimp. ALEX AND ROBERT ALL THE WAY : hides : I mean, erm….Michael and Robert….

* * *

**Chapter 14: So Arty  
**

Marco placed his mp3 player down for a second as his telephone rang. He was currently listening to The Strokes, "Meet me in the bathroom", because it reminded him of Dylan so much, that and when he was looking up band slash on the internet they popped up. As his answering machine rang out he looked through his fridge for some orange juice. " Well do ya, do you do ya wanna wanna know…when I'm gonna pick up the phone…do do …do do dodo do do…Leave a message cause I'm so proud of ya….leave a message cause I blew him before you oh yeah!"** (Okay, I may sound like a nerd here, but that is really my new cell phone answering thingy. After I wrote it I thought it was so adorable I'd use it for myself, and I don't sound that bad thank you very much)**

Beep.

Marco loved his answering Machiene.

"Hey Marco it's me Davis…."

Marco spit out his orange juice. " Nice answering machiene. Um, I'm in town for a while. Wanna meet up, you have my cell number, or at least I think you do…" Davis trailed off. " I'll just call you back later…oh and you probably did blow him before me" And then he hung up.

As Marco realized that he was right about something bad happening he also realized that he had just fucked up a pair of perfectly good white slippers.

* * *

Jake sat alone in the corner as Roscoe unlocked the door to their apartment. A smile slowly curled onto his face," What are you doing there?" 

"Hiding" Jake whispered out.

"Hiding from what?"

"From you" Jake sneered, backing away even further. " From everybody"

"Oh, that's sweet. Get dressed, we're going out"

"Where?" Jake stuttered," No, I'm not not going anywhere…"

"We're going to visit your little fuck buddy and his boyfriend. You know he has one right…"

Jake looked down into his hands and tried to get up again but failed. He held out his arms limply as Roscoe scooped him up and pushed back his hair," You are so disgraceful" Roscoe shook his head, placing a kiss there and smoothing his cheeks down with his fingers as he whispered into his ear, " I love it"

Jake moaned a little," I know you do"

* * *

Robert watched as Michael got dressed in the bathroom, looping his tie through and then pulling the collar of his shirt down. Flipped up the cuffs and smiled in the mirror as Robert looked away disgusted and walked out of the door way. Minutes later Michael followed.

"Aren't you coming to dinner with me, Roscoe and Jake?"

"Have you no memory whatsoever?" Robert whispered, not turning around.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Michael frowned, looking for his jacket.

"I told you to take that shit out of your hair" Robert snapped, turning around as Michael looked down at him, shocked, " You've got to be kidding me. I'm not taking this off"

"I'll cut it off of you if I have to!" Robert screamed out, launching himself on top of Michael, who was taken by surprise and knocked down to the floor. " Robert, hell, get off of me"

"Take it…take it out of your--" Robert moaned, tears slipping into his vision as he pounded on his chest weakly. " Change it back…I want the old you back…"

"Oh sweetie. You think that by changing my hair I'm changing myself?" Michael whispered, grabbing his wrist and pulling himself up," Never. I'm still your Michael"

"You were never my Michael" Robert whispered.

"Well whose was I then?"

"Jak-" Michael clamped his hands down on Robert's mouth," Don't even say his name"

"Why!" Robert practically spat, smacking his hand away," It's about time you knew anyway. You already fucked him!"

"What do you mean?"

"That Jake that you're meeting is your Jake. This is what happened to him. He's dead inside now. Why the hell do you think you're so attracted to him? And don't lie and say that you haven't been with him, Alex told me everything, saw everything." Robert shook his head as Michael's eyes welled up with tears. " How the hell couldn't you recognize him? I don't care what Alex says, Roscoe's right. True love doesn't always win in the end"

"How the fuck couldn't you tell me that was him…?" Michael asked, head tilted to the side. "Don't you owe me that much?"

"I DON'T OWE YOU SHIT." Robert snapped. " I don't owe you a fucking thing"

"Are you jealous because you think I still love him?"

"Think!" Robert lurched forwards and grabbed up a handful of his hair," I'm another fucking Adrian to you aren't I?"

"How…Adrian has nothing to do with…I don't know what you're talking about!" Michael shrieked, pushing Robert away from him and scrambling to the door.

"Where are going?" Robert yelled over the rush of tears as the assaulted the floor in heavy thuds.

"To prove you wrong!" The door slammed shut as Robert ran over and tripped, hitting his head on table, but still managing to reach his cell phone. He flinched, blood dripping on his head as he rasped out," Alex? Change of plan. He knows. Get your ass to the café now before someone gets hurt"

* * *

**can you say drama in the nbext chapter involving michael and jake making out and rosoce getting jealous of jake? Opps, fuck, review! **


	15. Love To Hurt You

TURKEY DAY IS TOMRROW LOVLIES! SO BACK TO BACK UPDATES AGAIN! Why? cause I love you all so much of course. So um, yeah, happy holidays my leiblings! TIME FOR SOME ANGST WOOO!

* * *

**Chapter 15: Love To Hurt You  
**

_"I didn't think you could make it" He whispered out as Michael took his hand and shook his head furiously," I know. I know" His hair smacked him in the face," But I couldn't take it. I had to see you, I had to see you…cause…cause I love you Jakey" Michael murmured, flinging his arms around him and pulling him closer. " I love you so much…" He cried as Jake's arms went limp._

_"Jakey?"_

_Michael pulled on him. " Jakey….?"_

* * *

"Jake" Andrew whispered into his ear. " You've been hugging me for 5 minutes and as much as I'm glad to see you…"

Jake flushed and let go," Sorry, must've dosed off. Been doing that lately" He shook his head and gestured to the seat next to him," Please sit" Jake looked around and spotted Roscoe sneering at him before asking blindly," I thought you said your boyfriend was tagging along? I was hoping on meeting him?"

"So you could fuck him too?" Roscoe snarked quietly as Jake kicked him under the table.

Andrew smiled politely, "S'not felling good. You know how colds are. Bitches to get rid of." He leaned over the table," Roscoe, why did you call for this little dinner anyway? I'm sure we could cut through all the bullshit and get to the point, I have a few pressing matters to attend to" He directed his stare at Jake, who felt weak under it.

"The kissing scene" Roscoe smiled out. " We need to practice the kissing scene"

Jake raised his eyes," What kissing scene?"

"The one before Jude dies"

"Brilliant" Andrew beamed, " When?"

"You could do it now I suppose….don't mind me. S'not like it's the first time--" Jake kicked him again and shyly looked at Andrew," How are we supposed to do this?"

"Just picture the person you love most in the world" Andrew breathed slowly as Jake's eyelids fluttered. " We can take our time…if you like"

Alex gripped Robert's hand," No, don't do anything"

"Why the hell not? Michael knows Alex, don't you understand--"

"Clearly. Which means he's going to fuck with Jake. And they won't know what's happening until the end"

"What are you talking about"

"The kissing scene" Alex sighed out," Roscoe wrote the kissing scene as 10 minutes of the play. In those 10 minutes both Jake and Michael are going recite their own words back to each other from years ago…I told him everything I could remember, and that's why I asked you if you remembered any of their arguments."

Robert gasped," He's sinful"

"He gets the reaction he needs on stage. They find each other again…"

"And when that happens?"

"We'll stay out the way. Don't help Michael"

"Why the hell not?" Robert asked again and Alex just rolled his eyes, " Just watch…." They were positioned behind the plant a table over from them, so their conversations and actions were within reach.

Andrew leaned over from the table and reached out and grabbed the back of Jake's hair. " Don't go to fast…" Jake stuttered and Roscoe couldn't tell if he wrote that in the script or if Jake was just saying that under his own will.

"I won't" Michael whispered out. He pulled him forwards, painfully slow and it took every inch and power in Robert's body to not reach out and smack the shit out of Michael. He tilted his head to the side a little bit, brown eyes shimmering, hands cold. He smiled," Better?" He brushed against his cheek with warm hands," No rush…"

"No rush…" Jake whispered, as if under a trance as he placed his lips upon him.

Robert groaned and slid into his seat.

"Oh Dio Mio" Alex smacked his hand to his head.

While they were "practicing" Roscoe flipped open his cell phone and waited.

Robert felt a buzz in his pocket and picked it up," Hello?"

Roscoe snorted," You're boyfriend is quite the fucker. Literarily"

"How did you get this number?" Robert asked as Alex slid over to be near the phone as well.

"I have connections. I'm glad you're enjoying the show" Roscoe waved a little at them," You don't conceal the way you hide very well. Good thing those idiots can't see you"

Alex sighed," What's your point?"

"I just thought that we could come up with an alliance…" Roscoe trailed off as Jake accidentally knocked a cup off the table with his arm," You're skin is so flushed Jake…" Andrew whispered.

"Of what sort?"

"To get these two the hell away from each other…see something…wait actually" Roscoe clapped his hands," Good practice kiddies. I have to go to the little boy's rooms. Those damn drinks wear on a boy's blatter after a while…"

Andrew and Jake simply nodded. Roscoe turned and then made a left and placed himself next to Alex and Robert. " What's the plan?"

"I have a feeling that Michael knows" Roscoe smiled and Robert shook his head in agitation. " Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"A writer" Roscoe shrugged," And that's besides the point. It seems Michael has become a little fucked in the mind wouldn't you say so yourself Robby?"

"Don't call me Robby" Robert sneered out. " I guess you could say that…"

"Well, just listen to what they talk about. I'm sure this is amusing" He chuckled to himself," Oh god, a love octagon. How dreadful"

Jake sighed tiredly, rubbing his pale black eyes and smiling," I'm sorry Andrew, for everything so far…you know, I mean I just feel so out of it…like I'm walking on a fucking….tight rope or something, blinded"

"Hurting yourself isn't the answer" Andrew whispered quietly.

"I know" Jake nodded, turned his head away though.

"Wait…Jake" Andrew stopped for a second. Stopped and pulled at his arms," What are you doing?" Jake asked, trying to pull away but Andrew was persistent and rolled up his sleeves and looked away. " Jake…" He murmured, closing his eyes. Bitter tears pricked through as Jake glared at him and pulled his arm back," How did you know?"

"I had a friend…same problem" Andrew sniffed," Don't do that shit again"

"I wo- I'm not…it's not what you think…I…" Jake trembled as he closed his eyes, leaning over the table." I only tried it out"

Andrew smiled with a pained look," No you didn't"

Jake's eyes fell.

Alex covered his mouth.

"You didn't know?" Roscoe asked, lips curled.

"No…he never showed me…I…uh, fuck" Alex whispered, biting his lip. He buried his head in Robert's chest as he moaned over and petted his head gently," Oh…"

"It's a fucking intervention" Roscoe sneered

Jake looked at Andrew with sad softened eyes as Andrew played with his drink. " I think I need help. I'm sick, you know. Really sick" Jake nodded to himself," And I want- no need to tell you everything. I have this odd feeling you'll understand"

Andrew's eyes flashed. " Not here. Come on-" He picked up his jacket and grabbed his hand," Let's go somewhere…"

"What about Roscoe?"

"Fuck him" Andrew shrugged, pulling him gently towards the exit," Tell me everything. Please"

Once they were gone Roscoe sprung up," Get in my car, we're following them"

"Why?" Alex whispered, " We can't…Michael knows"

"Michael isn't going to tell" Robert cried, slapping a hand to his head, " Fuck. He's going to do something worse"

Roscoe snorted with laughter." What? Love him?"

Alex looked down to the floor," No not that Robby-"

"Yes" Robert shook his head. " He's going to drain every little thing out of Jake that he can and then he's going to support him"

"Or beat the shit out of him" Roscoe added, making Alex slap him and grab Robert," Come on then"

* * *

Marco bit his lip as he walked with Dylan down the block, scarf wrapped around his neck a little too tight." Thanks again…erm, Dylan, for this…you know, after I treated you like shit and all…"

Dylan shrugged," No problem Marco…" He patted his back.

"Ahh….10 second rule" Marco said, slapping his hand away. They had came to an agreement, 10 seconds of touching and that's it, he didn't want Dylan's perverted mind getting overly excited at a hug and what not. " I think it's a good thing, that I visit Davis and all…eh…right?"

"Yeah, yeah, totally"_ If that bitch puts one hand on my man I'll maul him_. Dylan smiled out gently.

"It's not like he expects anything right?" Marco questioned, sticking some hair behind his ear.

_Totally mauling him, I'll stab him with took picks, and rip off every fucking emo button from his stupid little emo shirt and get his anorexic looking indie music listening eyeliner wearing_- "Nope, not at all" Dylan shook his head. _I'll rip all the pretty words from his pretty mouth_

Marco tilted his head to the side, Dylan looked like he was fuming, which was funny, because he squinted his little Canadian like eyes when he squinted. And that's fucking funny. He poked Dylan," What cha fuming about?"

_OH GOD THE 10 SECOND RULE SUCKS. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO 60 SECONDS? OH GOD I'M GOING TO POUNCE ON HIM WAIT…OMG THAT WAS 11 SECONDS…YES WOOOO 10 SECONDS MY ASS HE KNOW HE PINES FOR THIS BODY--_ "Nothing. I'm not fuming, just thinking about…uh…eyeliner. Do you think it's sexy?" _13 SECONDS WOOO GO FOR THE RECORD BABBYYYYYYY_

Marco moved his hand away," Hell yes, I used to love it when Davis would wear his right under the brim of his eyes and…ohh…Damnit Dylan, you were supposed to be supporting me!" Marco hit him in the shoulder," You bastard"

H_E HIT ME. BUT IT'S LOVE THAT MAKES IT FEEL GOOD. Damn, I got it bad. Must have nice thoughts, must be polite…mmmm….but the jeans…are…so tight and his hat is adorable and guh….OH HOW I BURN FOR YOU….oh god, I'm quoting from that damn franz Ferdinand look what Marco has done to meeeeee. _" Sorry" Dylan replied sheepishly, flushing. He grabbed his hand," Marco I…" _THIS IS IT. I AM GOING TO WIN. HIM. BACK. Yes I shall and then everything will be okay and we'll grow old together and have thousands of little adopted Chinese kids like all the other gay people do on Oprah. LOOK HIM IN THE EYES DYLAN, FIND THE EYES, NOT THE SHOES, DAM NIT I'M QUOTING AGAIN….AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG SHUT THE HELL UP NO YOU SHUT THE HELL UP YAHHRRRRR_

Marco stared as Dylan shook his head, his eyes moving back and forth. It looked like he was mentally beating himself up and neither side was winning. " Dylan…do you want to?" Marco whispered.

Dylan flinched. d_o I-I want to? DO I WANT TO? WHY AM I GOING BESSERK IN MY OWN MIND. WHY WAS I ARGUING WITH MYSELF, OKAY THIS IS MY CHANCE. WHAT DOES HE WANT ME TO DO? BE COOL DYL MAN, YOU ARE THE AWSOME_. "Do what?"

"Let go of my hand, you're sweaty. That's been 16 seconds and there he is…" Marco broke away and ran down the block as Davis hugged him tight.

I_MPLODESMOOOTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEERFDFFCCCCCCCCCCCCUUJUKKCSADFJKJFJKGD;KGKHKFHK CURSE _As Marco brought Davis back he smiled and said," Well, this here is my kinda sorta friend in a not so much way, Dylan. Dylan this is Davis"

"Nice to meet you" Davis said quietly.

"You too" Dylan smiled. _I'LL KILL YOU BASTARD._

"I guess I should leave you two then, I know you have lots of stuff to catch up on, um, I'll see you around…" Dylan turned off and began to walk away when Marco ran behind him and hugged him," Thanks for the support. You bastard" Let go and went off to walk with Davis.

_YES I STILL AM THE MAN. WHOSE DA SHIT? I'M DA SHIT? WHOSE DA POPE? I'M DA POPE…GO DYLAN GO DYLAN GO GO GO GO GO GOGO…where was I supposed to be going?_

* * *

"Why- why are we running!" Jake panted out as Andrew dragged him down the block. " Andrew stop….I can't breathe-"

"We have to keep running Jake, I have to tell you something very important so please can you trust me?" Andrew whispered out, slowing down his pace for a second before grabbing his hand again and pulling," Please trust me"

"I do…" Jake trailed off, being jerked again forwards. " I don't know why but I do…"

"Andrew, stop!" Robert yelled from down the block, running.

"Whose he-" Jake asked, turning his head around when Andrew jerked him harder forwards. If Jake happened to see Robert's face it'd all be over. And he wasn't about to let that happen

"You can't run like this!" Alex's weak voice croaked out.

"Alex?" Jake asked, confused. " Run faster, I- I can't face him right now…."

"Taxi!" Andrew screamed out while running, waving his arms in the air franticly.

"Why the fuck are they running?" Roscoe asked, tired of running for all those blocks and slowing down his pace a little only to pick it back up once again after realizing that neither Robert nor Alex was slowing down.

"They have to run, it's what they do best" Alex sighed out as a taxi pulled up behind Andrew and Jake, who were two blocks ahead. Andrew quickly shoved Jake into the car, watching as Alex and Robert with Roscoe neared them with tears in his eye before slamming the door shut," Here, this address" He murmured, throwing the cabbie a spare card that he had in his pocket," They won't find us there until later on tonight" Andrew said to Jake, who was rubbing his head where he had hit it while entering the cab.

" Mi-" Robert called out just as the cab pulled off the curb.

"Fuck" Roscoe yelled.

* * *

I love you all so much. Ich Lebie Dich, happy holidays luv 


	16. 17 Years

**Warning: Depression. Angst. Death? Agony. Tears. The kiss is here folks, deal with it. I'd reply indisviually, but I can't. so enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 16: 17 years**  


**2 weeks later**

"I put my heart into this…and you tear it out" Jake stammered, backed against the wall as Michael fumed at him with dark red eyes," I -- how could you…I fucking hate you-" His face snapped to the side as Michael lowered his palm," Shut up, shut up, shut up!" He screamed, tearing up." Just shut the hell up for a second!"

"I love you!" Jake screamed, hitting him in the chest," Why-"

"I had to!" Michael screamed back, shoving him against the wall with brute force. He stared deeply into his eyes as he whispered out," I had to because I love you"

"If you loved me you wouldn't have….you wouldn't have hit me…or abused me…you would've fucking said it-" Jake trailed off as Michael slammed a palm against the wall in agitation.

"I TOLD YOU IT EVERY NIGHT BEFORE YOU WENT TO SLEEP" He yelled out in agony. " Oh Matt, you just never knew…"

Roscoe sat in the front row, biting his knuckles.

Last before Final act, opening day, full house.

Robert and Alex sat next to him, watching intently. When they had found Michael and Jake they had been reciting lines from the play in the theater by themselves.

Michael never told Jake he knew.

And now the three of them waited for the last scene:

The kissing scene.

"Don't you know I can't live without you? It hurts to breathe without you. I could give a fuck less about if I was obsessed or not. I love you…I love you….understand that?" He yelled, grabbed him by the arms and kissed him…

The audience gasped.

Roscoe cocked his head to the side.

Alex and Robert held hands.

Michael gently ran his fingers through Jake's hair as slowly as he could, gently nipping at his bottom lip before almost shyly wishing for permission to past through his lip and have access to his mouth. Jake let out a wimpy moan, nodding in approval as he kissed him, tongue in cheek, hands finding their way down the other's back.

Jake's eyes widened as he suddenly wrenched forwards in pain.

Roscoe frowned, this wasn't part of the script…

"Jude….I…." Jake stopped, trying to breath again. " I have to tell you something…"

"Whatever it is I'll face it with you, we can be together…take it in strides….oh I love you so much can't you see? We'll take on anything together" Michael said quickly, kneeling down besides him." What is it, love?"

"I have HIV" Jake murmured out limply as he fell into his arms. Michael looked out at the crowd, that one look, in his eyes, the people saw it.

And then the curtain closed.

The whole room was silent.

Robert and Alex sat there in their seats, shock written all over their faces. Roscoe threw the script down to the floor in victory as the whole audience busted out into applause.

Meanwhile back stage Jake clasped into his chair near the mirror and began to cry. Cry hard. The hardest he had ever cried in his life. And he loved every minute of it. Those bitter tears are what saved his sanity. And then he got up suddenly and went over to Michael, who was breathing heavily. " That was horrible"

"Devastating" Michael added.

"Heartbreaking…." Jake sighed.

"Extraordinary" They said at the same time a blushed.

"Sorry…" Jake trailed off," A friend of mines…we used to use that word a lot"

Michael smiled sadly," They want us back on stage, Jake. We have to do the next act"

* * *

"Okay, Pete" Ryan said, shaking his best friend," Get up please"

"I don't want to…arg…" Pete said, throwing a pillow at Ryan, who just ducked out of the way. " Let me sleeepppppp"

"We have to get to the gallery in 10 minutes you sloth, I've let you sleep all day" Ryan yelled, poking him," Now get up or else!"

"Wait, 10 minutes?" Pete asked, springing up quickly," Why did you let me sleep that long?"

"Because you look pale as hell" Ryan remarked, jumping into his jeans and looking for a brush, which Pee tossed to him as Ryan tossed him the comb," This is so dumb, Rye. Why do I bother with these things? I'm such a failure…"

"No you're not Pete. Ever since you came to France you've been acting different"

"Had a boyfriend" He suddenly sniffled. " Had a boyfriend that appreciated me and I fucked it up"

"God…" Ryan moaned out, hugging Pete while still brushing his hair," How did you-"

"Pierre" Pete murmured and Ryan's face paled at the memory of his mom," His name was Pierre and he was a chef, so sweet, so kind and I just fucked it up….because I--"

"Because you what, Pete? Hurry up, we have to leave now…." He dragged him towards the door, buttoning both their shirts and looking for his keys which were in his pocket. Meanwhile the elevator door opened just in time for a sandy blonde head to slip through and although that may not seem important now it is.

"He broke up with me because I told him his new pastry, the pattir-de-mesie tasted like shit" Pete cried as Ryan busted out into laughter," Peter you are so weak, what happened to you. And what the hell is a pattir-de-mesie?"

"I don't know! He said it sounded French…" He laughed little himself.

"He's douche" Ryan said plainly, hugging his best friend," He's not worthy"

"You know….you're right…he's not…." Pete smiled out," Thanks Rye, I need that"

"No problem, now haul ass…." He ran to the elevator," Excuse me, please wait hold the blood-" He stopped as a pair of dark green eyes met him and his heart froze. "…door…"

The person on the other side looked equally panicked and pressed the close door button before the doors slid shut and the elevator went down. " What was that all about?" Pete asked, scratching his head.

"He looked familiar…like a ghost…." Ryan trailed off, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose before he remembered the face," Fuck"

* * *

"Wake up" Someone whispered into his ear," Show time"

Jake sat up with a jerk in the middle of the stage, apparently he blacked out in the middle of one of his lines but Andrew's face seemed to weak and gentle he just smiled and tried to fabricate words. " I said I loved you-"

"And I hit you" Andrew murmured sheepishly," My anger…I'm sorry, you reminded me of someone, that's all. Oh God, I get so nervous some times"

"I was thinking of someone else as well" Jake rubbed his eyes, sitting up and meeting the crowd. He touched his eye gently," It does hurt though…."

"I'm so sorry…" Andrew leaned in quickly, brushing his lips on the slightly blackened eye and sat back up quickly, turning away," I shouldn't be here…."

Jake got up quickly and pulled at their arm," No, you're the only person that should be here…" He pulled him into another gentle, but rough, kiss. But this time Andrew put his all into it, all the insecurities, all the pain, all the emotion he had left. And well, it nearly knocked Jake off his feet as he opened his eyes and looked so terrified that Andrew would've dropped him. " You…" He sneered out, shakily. He placed a palm to his head," You kiss like so…I…" He closed his eyes, keeping his voice down so the audience couldn't hear him," You kiss like someone I love…."

"That's because I am the someone that you love, Jake" Andrew said quietly, holding him gently.

"Mikey…?" Jake coughed," No….can't be, promised I'd never love again…no I promised….myself…and I….tried, oh god no, I never wanted to hurt….I don't want to hurt anymore…" He tried to push himself from Andrew but he didn't let go. " This is the price of being an actor" Michael said quietly as he smiled at the stage and continued with his dialogue," Matt, do you -"

"But all this time, it's been a lie!" Jake screamed, pushing away and covering his hands with his head.

"We should stop this now" Alex said in a panicked voice, about to get on stage when Roscoe pulled him down," No, I have too much riding on this"

" It was not-"

"Oh yes it was, you knew didn't you.. And you fucking knew that….God I-!" Jake was becoming hysterical, running and tackling Andrew to the floor.

"The effects are so real" A woman in the audience exclaimed, covering her mouth.

"Punching me won' solve anything Jake, finish the performance and then beat the shit out of me" Andrew said as Jake reached for his eyes and pulled at the surface slightly, knocking the contacts out. He looked at them in shock, " Brown…." He looked at his eyes, the same bright green.

His heart plummeted.

"Why Mikey?"

Michael's heart broke," You did this to me" he reached a hand down to grab Jake back up but he didn't take it, and instead got slapped across the face and onto his back, in which Jake climbed forwards and proceeded to slap him multiple times," If I had known that you were the way you were now I would've killed myself a long time ago to spare us all the pain and suffering that we have now and I don't rally care if I hurt anyone else in the process! You have no idea how much I've been hurting all these years-" Michael reached up and smacked him and pulled him down with him, " No, you are the worst thing to ever happen to me, all you do is cause pain, but I love you too much to let you go"

"You've let me go before"

"And I want to die every time I think about it"

"But you lied"

"Because you were so weak"

"Because I'm so weak? Look at you, what the hell makes you so special"

"Because I know how to move on"

"I hardly call this moving on"

"I don't care what you think I don't need you anymore"

"Apparently you do because look at your arm, you're practically borderline dead anyway"

"And you're so much better how dare you ever compare yourself to me like that"

"I'm saying his because it's true"

"Then kill me right now"

Half of the audience's faces paled.

"This is becoming disturbing" One woman whispered to another.

"Oh hush, it's delightfully homoerotic" She waved a hand at her friend.

"You've been gone-"

"I've been lost-"

"If you love me so fucking much why did you leave me in the first place can't you see how I burn for you and how much I live and a how much I wish that I could be with you and how much I hurt every second that I'm not with you it makes me weep at night did you know that you think you know so fucking much about me but you don't you don't know shit and I should just do it…end it all right now right?" Jake got up, crawled really, over to the table and grabbed the plastic knife..

"Roscoe we have a problem…" An assistant came over running to him.

"What is it John, not now…too good , must watch…" Roscoe said, waving his hand,

"No, I mean it, Roscoe, the knife, It's real…. We forgot to replace the fake, Frank put the wrong thing…."

"What?" Roscoe asked, finally listening.

Jake ran his palm across it and eyes opened wide when a slit actually appeared, but it wasn't anything new to him. It wasn't the first time…

"Oh dear," One woman covered her son's eyes.

"Don't-"

"Let's give them a real performance" Jake sneered out, holding up the knife in the air," Come on, Jude, show me perfection"

"No!" Michael ran across the stage and onto Jake as soon as the blade made a sound.

"Jake, no!" Roscoe yelled, getting up from his seat in a sudden bust out emotion.

Several cries from the audience erupted and many woman fainted.

Alex shook in Robert's arms," what have we done?"

* * *

**Oo... review>:: squeek : **


	17. Perscribed Pills

**Ahh, the ever so wonderful Monday update that many have come to love, incept not, because it's really Sunday, but it'll be up by Monday. So what consists of this chapter? We finally find out a little secret of Rory, and don't act surprised, I just realized that I really loved writing him, he's just so much fun to do. A little awkard Marco and Ryan scene coming up as well, so ya to Ryco, ( beautifully named by Kami ) an: i HAD TRIED TO POST THIS LIKE 5 FUCKING DAYS AGO-- Oh sorry, angry caps locks, anyways, I tried to post this 5 fucking days ago and now it wants to work. Cunty cunty cunt Computer. Anyway. Enjoy. It's dangerous, these chapters now. AN2: It's wensday now. Fuck.**

* * *

**Chapter 17: Perscribed Pills  
**

"I don't really care how much time it takes, just please, get me a flight out of here" The blonde moaned into the phone. As he crossed the streets of Paris he shook his head violently and tried again," It's not a big deal, but I don't think he should be alone, that's all. No, this is strickly personal. No It's not revenge….I don't care if he was fucking straight or not….well he was, it wasn't love….it was a close friendship" He looked down into his hands quietly for a moment while the person on the other line rambled on, his anger building up until finally he spoke," Okay, I could give a fuck less about all of this, I just need to get to Jake, right now. So send someone to pick me up and I do not ever want o be sent to another country for the wrong fucking Jake Sheilds again….what do you mean it was a typo? Sheilds is spelled S-h-e-I-l-d-s not S-h-I-e-l-d-s god, you idiot. Get me out of here!" He snapped the phone shut, glaring at people as he walked by.

* * *

_"I don't really consider it gay, you know" They murmured into his neck._

_"So what do you call this then?" He asked with a teasing smile._

_"Snuggling, I guess" They shrugged, biting the other's neck slightly, " You're so pale"_

_"At least you aren't smacking me around like you normally would-"_

_The other's face fell. But he just continued, " You have pills, right?"_

_"Of course" He nodded," Lots of them"_

_"So then good, no problems. No worries, right?" They placed a kiss on their cheek._

_"Yeah…" The other murmured out quietly, eyes averted to the floor and taking their hands within his," No worries"_

* * *

"Marco, pick your phone you bloody…..aye" Ryan moaned out as Pete poked him, " For the last time, you are NOT British, okay?"

"Sorry" Ryan shrugged out, placing the phone to his ear.

"Hello- stop Marco, that tickles--"

"Who the hell is this and why are you using my boyfriend's phone!" Ryan asked in confusion and anger.

"Boyfriend?" Davis squinted into the phone as Marco snatched it from him quickly, knocking his coffee into his lap," Oh Marco…that hurts."

"It only hurts at first, it'll go away!" Marco moaned out, throwing him some tissues.

"So you're just gonna spill it all over me and then not wipe it up1?"

Ryan's face paled on the other end of the phone.

"Lick it up, it won't kill you" Marco grunted out in agitation.

"But it's hot!"

Pete slid next to the phone and listened as Ryan shuffled a little.

"But Marco, it's starting to make a stain-"

"I'll do it again incept all over your face this time if you don't stop" Marco paused for a second, realizing how nasty all of this sounded and placed the phone to his ear," Rye?"

"Marco…-o oooo" Ryan murmured, teary eyed.

"No, babe, it's not what you think--" Marco looked at the phone.

Dead line.

Pete looked at Ryan, who leaned against the table that he was painting on from inside the gallery, they finally made it, even though it took them an hour and some minutes to get there. " What the hell was that?" Pete asked, brows knitted together.

"I don't know" Ryan sighed out, running hands through his hair quickly as Pete wiped paint from his face," I….just, ah.- Fuck, can we get back to work?" His eyes looked sad as Pete nodded and slipped away, "Sure…sure…" He pulled his pen back into his hands and raised his eyebrows. " Angsty or not?"

"Make people cry" Ryan moaned out, throwing a flash of paint across the canvass. " This has to go perfect."

* * *

_" Didn't mean to startle you"_

_"Oh no, it's okay, just a little sleepy, that's all"_

_"Don't close your eyes though…."_

_"I know"_

_A pause._

_"I love you, you know"_

_"And you don't consider this gay?"_

_"No-"_

_"It's the pills talking, isn't it?"_

_"No, it's me"_

_"It's not-"_

_"No."_

_"And you fee-"_

_"Fine? Yeah, well, no, but you being here makes me feel…I don't know. Alive I guess"_

_"Glad I could make you feel that way"_

_"Where are you going?" A little moan excapes his lips in sadness," Don't leave"_

_"You want to hit me now, don't you?"_

_"I do-"_

_"Don't lie, please…."_

_"I do, but I'm holding it back…." Shuffles around in the bed a little bit," Because I love you, right?"_

_"You should go back to the hospital"_

_"I can't, they won't..- Mom and dad don't know"_

_"And Jakey, does Jakey know?"_

_"Should he?"_

_"He's your brother….he might get whatever you have, you know"_

_"He has Michael…"_

"Rory…."

"I know, not now, right?"

_"I…." he smiles. " You still want to hit…."_

_"Yeah. Maybe you should go…."_

_"Yeah…" The door makes a click behind him," I'll leave"_

* * *

"I'm, confused….I thought that was a real knife." The assistant murmured, the auidance now in the lobby reeling over the preformance. " It's a hit" Elliot proclaimed in happiness, throwing herself into Roscoe's arms," I can't believe that you pulled this off"

"Oh no, Andrew and Jake pulled this off" He smiled warmly at them. But they both look away, both sitting on two different chairs, avoiding eye contact.

She smiled at them and nodded," And oh, you two were to die for"

"I wish I was-" Jake murmured, Alex hugging him tightly, crying his heart out. " Alex, please…." His breath stopped for a few minutes as he watched Robert kneel next to Michael and place a kiss on his cheek," You were spectacular"

"I'm an ass" Michael moaned out, palming his forehead.

"Oh…" Robert smiled weakly," You are….you really are"

"So…" Alex whispered into Jake's ear, arms hanging across his shoulders," What now?"

Jake's heart slowed down. " What now….?"

* * *

_" I didn't think you'd be here"_

_"The hospital is cold"_

_"I know, where's Jake"_

_"I don't know….can't breathe though…"_

_"You don't have to squint, I'm here…"_

_" Funny he called an ambulance on me" Snorts a little," Like he'd care…. How did you find me anyway?"_

_"Followed the ambulance from your house" Sigh," I saw Mikey and Jakey playing outside when it happened."_

_"Did he notice?"_

_"No, too wrapped up in Michael-"_

_"Do you think…." Eyes met the other," Are you- are you afraid to look at me?"_

_"No….yes"_

_"I can't hurt you now"_

_"But Rory….you can. I'm hurting just looking at you here. There's something wrong."_

_"Isn't there always, can't you just hold me, please?" Eyes close momentarily._

_" I can't…."_

_"Jamie…" The name cracks at the end. He stares at him sadly," Don't do that Rory, please….just…."_

_Rory streaches out his hand weakly and smiles," I'm okay….see?" Motions for him to come closer, so Jamie does, up to his bed and sits down, resting his chin against his arm. Breathes out ," Oh god…look what we've done" And sighs into his chest quietly, watching as small tears slip past his eyes. " Don't cry, Jamie…" Rory murmurs against his gown, his hand slithers to his wrist as he grasps it tightly," Don't"_

_"You're hurting me again" Jamie murmurs out tiredly, voice void of any emotion._

_"I'm sorry…." Rory says, letting go," It's the meds…they…they didn't kick in yet"_

_"I'll come back tomorrow….Rory." Says the name quietly, kisses his head and smiles weakly," Bye Rory…"_

_"Don't go Jamie"_

_"Bye…."_

_

* * *

_

"What the fuck are you staring at?" He snaps, getting into the car as he gets on the phone again. " Randy, shut the hell up, you're an idiot and so is that bloody crackhead brother of yours. No, Jake is not in Paris, no, I am not in London and who the hell are you talking to?" He slams the phone against the car twice to get Randy's attention. " Listen to me, I told your idiot friend and now I'm telling you, get me home"

"But Jamie I'm sure-"

"No, I mean it, now before I spazz the fuck out on someone. Please! Christ, drive to the train station sir!" He yells, banging on the cab door with his fist. "You're going to kill me" He moans out, head slumping to the side.

"Fine, fine" Randy rolls his eyes," Whatever, we'll get you a flight back. I have to go, my Bri bri's on the other line"

"Your who?" Jamie starts but the phone is dead. He looks out the window and traces the pattern with his fingers idly, sadly.

* * *

... 

:Shrugs: Am I a good writer? I have low self esteem.


	18. Back Drop Memories

**AN: I'm wrapping things around now, things from previous stories come in her, so watch as it begins to end, ja? So remember scenes like from the erm, first story: cough: The airplane scene with that odd boy staring at Jake :cough: it's all coming back now.**

**Azury: **You know I love confusing you doll, it's what I do best. Rory? Abusive? …. Rory! Gay! …. Hee. I dunno… : drags feet innocently along in dirt: Rory has asmatha? No, erm, I know I have Alex with asmatha, Jake has a hyperventilation problem, I think Rory was manic depressive. Oh Marco and Davis is just pish posh, the're harmless. Or are they? Oh Jamie, Jamie Jamie Jamie, …let's just say you thought you felt bad for Michael after all the shit Jake put him through…. Love ya lots babe!

**BlackRoseOnFire:** I really need to get you that damn nick name, but it doesn't seem to fit with the Y scene, and Rosey reminds me of my middle name, which I do NOT like whatsoever. I know, I often wondered what would happen if I hadn't killed him before he got his real chance to shine in the story. Flashbacks are good though, they do the plot justice. Ryco fan as well I see. Don't mind Davis. Rory wants to hit Jamie. Badly. Oh you'll see how Jamie and Rory are. I'm awesome? Thankies. Sometimes I just need reassurance.

**Bee:** Of course you can use Jake's sentence for your Creative Writing class, I feel honored. Jamie is a very important character now.

**AN: OH:JUMPS: Jake has a secret. Ohh…. Jakey has a secret and you won't find out until the last chapter. Ohhh… : dances around tauntingly:**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 18: Back Drop Memories  
**

J_amie eyed him from the seat across the aisle on the airplane, eyes lowered and headphones blaring. Half of him wanted to hug the troubled boy, the other half wanted to smack the shit out of him. So he just smiled a little, staring at bit more as Jake caught him looking and glanced quickly, shyly before looking away again._

_"I'm gonna need an aspirin the size of Spain when I get off this thing" Marco murmured as he rubbed his temples. Jake looked at the boy, Jamie, in the other row as he gave him a familiar look and then walked off. Jake stared before abruptly brushing past Marco and excusing himself to go the bathroom. Marco shrugged it off and closed his eyes, hoping that the day would just get better._

_Jamie squinted into the two person bathroom as Jake closed in behind him slowly and placed a hand on his shoulder. " What are you doing here?" He sneered as Jamie pulled him in and closed the door, " Don't make a scene."_

_"Why are you here?" He asked it again, young eyes covered with confusion._

_"I'm taking a little trip. Get my mind off things. Anniversary wise and all…."_

_"Yeah, about Rory.-"_

_"He's dead" Jamie proclaimed sadly," I know"_

_"How" The words fell limply from Jake's lips before Jamie grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him up against a wall," I know your secret, Jake. " Tears welled up in his eyes, " Don't play dumb with me….I will make you pay for what you did"_

_"I had to…." Jake whispered, eyes blank._

_"You know" Jamie's lips curled up slightly," If you had just taken your medication that day"_

_"Why should I take MY MEDICATION when no one else UNDERSTANDS how I feel? No one else in my family could understand what I went through, Jamie! No one-"_

_"It's always about you isn't it! Shut your mouth Jake, you're a child. You don't know anything" Jamie's eyes filled with tears once more, this time spilling over and hitting the floor, " Rory had the same problem that you have"_

_"What--….he has them too?"_

_"Them?"_

_"Voices"_

_Jamie let go of Jake suddenly and pulled him into his arms," Yes…"_

_"I try so hard, Jamie, they're like little pangs of pain, and then they go away, but they keep coming faster, quicker, and I say things-- do things I shouldn't. I'm tired of being like this, I can't control any of it" He sobbed into his shoulder, pulling him closer, still feeling safe in his arms as he did his brother," I didn't want to, he made me, made me do it all…."_

_"Whose he?"_

_"Michael…"_

Jamie glanced out the rear view mirror. He had to take the fucking red eye just to get to where Jake and Michael were. When he had confronted Jake on the airplane that day years ago it was mainly to find out what had really happened. Of course he knew the truth of Rory's death, it was sloppy and obvious, but he was more worried about Jake. However, he didn't know that this "Michael" that Jake was rambling about wasn't Jake's Michael, as in his best friend star crossed lover Michael, but as in the other Michael…

It's a confusing process indeed. Jamie had to listen to Rory explaining it at least a dozen times over.

_"Okay, listen" Rory glared at his best friend, shoving him to get his attention," Are you listening?"_

_"Yeah, Ro-"_

_"Cause I don't think you're listening-"_

_"Rory will you just-"_

_"Will you please focus and listen to me damnit?"_

_"I'm listening you asshole!" Jamie snapped, shoving Rory back._

_"God, it's like air up there" He pokes him in the head before sighing," Shit, now I forgot what I was saying"_

_"You were talking about Michael"_

_"So you were listening"_

_Jamie rolled his eyes," Well, dhur"_

**(AN: I just thought it'd be cute if you noticed how where Jake and Michael got their friendship mannerisms from)**

_"Don't be a smart ass, anyways, Michael is Jake's other…"_

_"Meaning. Wait, you mean little Mikey? Nerd that likes you"_

_"No, ot-- wait, he doesn't like me"_

_"Whatever" Jamie rolled his eyes, " Continue"_

_"Jake suffers from things….like I do, as you know"_

_"Yes" Jamie nodded sadly. " Multiple Personality Disorder"_

_"Yeah…yeah…" Rory's voice fades away for a second before continuing . " So he named it Michael"_

_"Ironic much"_

"_Yeah, he hates that asshole. We all have different levels….of personalities, you know. Some are stronger than others. Some are weaker, but we both tend to get violent with the other side of us…." He frowns a little," You know, hurt the people we love" Shy eyes looked at him before looking away. " So anyways, Michael is what he calls his other side, the side that does the bad things, and well, let's just say that if we leave Jake alone without his meds around Michael-"_

_"Cute nerd Michael that likes you"_

_"Yes- I mean no, he doesn't like me, hey, fuck you….Yes, that Michael" Rory shoves Jamie again and this time he falls off the little stump of rock that they were sitting on. " I'm just afraid Jake might be worse than I am, with the mood swings and all"_

_"Don't worry, I'll take care of him"_

_"You promise"_

_"Yeah" Jamie shrugged, shoving Rory over this time and sitting there. The little cave that they were situated in leaked as rain poured over their heads. " So you're really gonna pass this down to Jake?"_

_"This shit hole?" Rory snorted," Hell yeah, family tradition. Dad showed it to me when I was little, gotta pass it down. We had good times here, you know. A lot of memories."_

_"Like the time we broke into the neighbors yard and she set the dog on us-"_

_'Yeah, Jeffery who couldn't run for shit and we ran for two blocks into Penny, who was walking her dog, Dotty-"_

_"But I got scared-"_

_"And ran into that mailbox….oh yeah that hurt" He brushed the hair from Jamie's face to see that little bump across his head," And that was only last week"_

_"Funny" Jamie frowned out, swatting his hand away._

_"It's adorable when your mad" Rory says with a smile, and a quick kiss to his cheek._

He promised Rory that he'd watch over him after he died, and he had been. But then he got wrapped up in trying to move on and forget everything and he realized that he was failing his best friend, so he decided to get back on track. That's when he met Randy.

Randy happened to be at a hotel in Hollywood when Jamie had checked in, busy trying to keep track of Michael, who at the time was residing on a corner with Adrian , doing what they do best. Although he didn't know how Michael and Adrian were able to constantly relocate themselves from one place to another he did know that he had to protect them. He took phases, 1 month to follow Jake, one month to follow Michael, and matter of fact, he watched all of them closely. He even had helped Marco that time when he was at the bus stop to go and run back into Dylan's arms. He was a sort of twisted guardian angel.

Anyways though, Randy liked Jamie's personality and soon they became quick friends. Which was perfect timing because a month later Randy met Dylan, which brought Marco into the scenario, which made watching over Jake a much easier job for him. And plus he could watch over Michael with free reign, until that is, they relocated once again. Jamie found the cycle tiring.

So why was he trying to get to Jake now?

A promise.

So he gets out of the terminal once the plane lands as fast as his ass can carry him and to the cab to get to their dorm room before something happens that shouldn't.

* * *

"Don't look at me Alex" The words are whispered coldly from his lips as he shoves his shirt into the bag and turns around, Alex there, because Alex is always fucking there, staring at him sadly. " Jake, I love you"

"I know you do, and I'm leaving now before I can hurt you too"

"So you're just going to run away from Michael! Again?" His words die out as Jake turns around and looks at him, head cocked to the side and tears rolling down his eyes in torrents like rain. " I am because I have to. Alex, I know you understand how that feels more than anyone else. I do love you, I do" He murmurs it out, stepping forwards and leaning in to kiss him," And that's why I have to go"

"But-"

Jake opens the door only see Robert standing there holding Michael's hand.

"You're not going anywhere"

* * *

"Marco, Marco stop crying" Dylan cried out, fanning his friend with his hands as Marco went on a rampage through the house, knocking any and everything over. " SHIT SHIT HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID" He trampled over to the fridge and ripped the lock off to get the ice cream. Dylan backed away a little, afraid of what he could do this his hand before saying slowly," Marco….I'm sure that Ryan-" _Oh god, why am I defending him. AND SINCE WHEN DO I TALK TO MYSELF THIS MUCH! Does Marco's love make me feel this way? Fuck him_, " Ryan loves you and probably just took things the right way- MARCO?" Dylan's eyes snap up to see that Marco has the case on the floor and is clutching his stomach. " I think I ate too fast" He moans, falling forwards for who else but Dylan to catch him.

"How the hell did you eat all of that so fast?" Dylan moans out, catching his bloated figure. " Maybe you should lay down"

"Yeah….Ryan-"

"Not Ryan"

"Galla or whatever"

"I know what you mean…."

"Yeah…." Marco murmured. Dylan trailed off. This is what he gets for letting Marco listen to that damn Franz Ferdinand CD at night while sleeping. He dragged his heavy ass into the bedroom and literary had to roll Marco onto the bed. He started to leave when he felt someone tug on his sleeve," Stay. I need you."

He looked at him. _Que? I mean, what? No, me! Should I look around. ZOMG he wants me…..should I take advantage of him like this? Wouldn't that be horrible and over rated?_

He looked at Marco.

_Fuck that._

"Sure, you know I'm always here for you…"

Cue the shit eating grin and the covers rolling back.

* * *

Pete bit his lip.

"Done"

Ryan smiled," Oh, really?"

He sighed out tiredly," Yes, finally. About damn time, okay, ready?" He eyed his best friend.

"Yeah"

**"Sinking in.  
Fingers.  
Biting my.  
Lips.  
Black eyes.  
Are dead ringers.  
To the blue stains.  
On my.  
Hips"**

He pauses as Ryan smiles brightly, dumps a black bucket of paint across the edge of the corners and smears blue around the edges, with red tipped rims and purple hues around the figure in the middle.

"Make his eyes a little more dark" Pete says, picking up the paper. Ryan just obliged to what he said and splashed a little more paint around the corner of the picture's eyes, a small frayed brush making the perfect bruised effect. He took an in take of breath, because it's always so exciting to work and paint something new, especially with all this pent up anger inside of him. " Go on now"

**"I didn't**

**Mean to **

**Say this to you**

** The words **

**I love you **

**Were lies to my rouse.  
My eyes.  
We deceived**

** The first time you met me.  
It's not what I see.  
It's what you believe"**

Ryan made a smudge over the eyes again, put one down by their lips and one on the corner of their hips. He mixed a little gold with gray and brought it around the brim of the person's skin for a lighter effect before waiting for the next part. " How long should I-"

"Two seconds," Pete murmured, as if lost in thought," Wanna give it an effect….something grander than before"

"As always" Ryan nodded curtly, taking his nails and raking them down the sides again, looking like scratch marks for two seconds each before letting go.

"**And it's a take down**

** Now.  
To see who loses first. **

**And I'm going to win,  
Because look at me.  
I always have the worse frame.  
So I guess I beat you at your own**

** Game.  
My looks are what **

**Makes me so good.**

**Take down."**

Pete tosses the pen to the table." Good?"

Ryan drops his brush to the floor," Beautiful"

"Should we win?" Pete asks suddenly, eyes to the floor," Isn't this cheating? I mean…." He pauses to smirk," Putting two kick ass people together like this?"

Ryan busted out into laughter and stared at his painting," But we make it look so good."

"Aye, that we do" Pete said nodding as Ryan stared at him," You're not British"

* * *

**Hee? Reviews babeh! **


	19. Soul, Boy

_Oh I want long reviews for this groundbreaking chapter lovelies. Long gasping chapters. I'm really sad right now, so erm, I'm not in the mood for really replying to you guys. I love you all, tru fact, I just feel a little dead now. However, I'll reply anyway, sorry if I lack enthusiasm._

_Azury_: When you look at it, Jamie has down a wonderful Job actually. I mean, Michael could've been dead by now, Jake may have killed someone by now knowing him and whatever else complication they may have gotten into already. Marco's situation will be explained in the next chapter. Don't worry. Pete and Ryan? Heh, you'll see. Anything goes luv. Love you as well.

_BlackRoseOnFire_ : Can I just call you rain? Cause it's like totes easy to write and I don't want to call you "Flamey". I don't want it to end either, but I feel so….like, I don't know. I just think it should end. I don't want to drag it out and have it be shit. Adrian flashbacks were always my favorites to write, because him and Michael had such a pure love. Jake kill Rory? Wow, where'd you get that from? Jake is creepy. Dylan sucks. Hard. And not in the good Blew Him before You Way, either, but in the You. Just. Suck. Way. I'm downloading the episode from Canada. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THEY HAD A NEW DUDE NAME TIM WHO WAS GAY? I COULD'VE HAD LIKE… A MILLION SLASH IDEAS. Panic! At the disco pwns. I can send you some songs if you want, cause I luffers you so much. My favorite song from them is Tacks For Snacks, Nails For Breakfest.

_Bee: _Alex and Jake OTP eh? Jamie is good, don't worry!

* * *

**Chapter 19: Soul, Boy.  
**

.Jake's movement faltered as he walked backwards quickly into Alex, who caught him with open arms," It's an intervention" Alex mumbled quietly," To help settle this"

"I don't want to settle this…." Jake whispered out in a child like voice, eyes tearing.

Michael looked away in shame," I told you Robert" He said it quickly," I knew this was a bad idea"

"What do you want?" Jake suddenly asked, looking up and staring at Michael with dark eyes. The emerald orbs that he once stared so ardently at now caused him nothing but pain and fear. " Why do this to me again?"

"Do this to you again?" Michael snorted," You've got to be kidding me. After all these years you still think you're the victim in all of this?"

"I am" It's whispered in a tone that makes Michael do a double take, a soft voice that he hadn't heard in a long time. " I try, you know. To keep everything down, but it's so hard…don't you understand"

"Don't pull this on me now, don't try and act like you're the one who was abused in all of this. It's like you have a fucking split personality or something!" Michael suddenly yelled out, losing his cold demeanor.

Jake closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, a deep headache coming on. His eyes fluttered for a second before he moaned out," You didn't even use a condom, you whore" He spits out the words as he suddenly reaches forwards and wrapped his hand around his throat," I should make you pay for all the pain that you cause him"

"Him?" Michael chokes out, automatically trying to get his fingers from around his neck, " Jake…"

"Oh don't call me that" Jake's eyes darkened under his stare. " Please, call me -"

"Michael" The name is hissed out as everyone turns around to see a shaggy blonde haired man standing there breathless, leaning over the door knob.

"Who are you?" Michael asked, still within Jake's grasp.

"He was talking to me" Jake said, letting Michael's neck go momentarily," Hello Jamie, haven't seen you in a while"

"Whose he?" Alex murmured to Robert, who was rubbing Michael's now slightly bruised neck. " Wait, he's the guy from the street corner in holly wood when I used to….work with Adrian…" Michael trailed off a little.

"Michael, Jake, whatever, come on, you're coming with me, to the hospital. Where you belong. You're not stable like this" Jamie says defiantly, looking at him. " Don't do this, not to yourself"

"What are you talking about? I'm fine….fine, perfectly fine, can't you see, I have him" Jake pointed at Michael, " The person who I hate most in the world, see, perfect. Cause you know there's nothing better than having the person that you used to love so fucking much rub in your face that they've moved on and that you're still a piece of schizophrenic shit. And Isn't it wonderful that after all these years he's finally grown so big, look at him. No longer a slut, no longer abused and oh, look at his pretty little eyes, how could Jake be so stupid as to not realize that his one and only love, the person that he yearns for, burns for, dreams of --" He paused," No offence Alex," Then laughed," Was right in front of him all along?"

Alex's shoulders slackened a little as he looked to the floor.

"And I wasn't done, I never was done with him" Jake spat, glancing at Michael. " All these years, I've been so close to just getting rid of him and yet Jake always finds a way to save him-"

"Why do you hate me so much?" Michael suddenly asks, tired of being quiet.

"Because he loves you so much" Jake replies with a sneer, " Loved you so much it gave him headaches, horrible ones, that lasted for weeks. I was tired of hearing him swoon over you of all people. I was tired of him thinking about you, talking about you, seeing you, breathing you, wanting to be near you. Made me sick. How could someone have that much love for one person is beyond me"

"So all this time it was you who…who hurt me?"

"Jake would never lay a finger on you" He snorted, " You know that"

"And all those kisses-"

"Me" Jake said proudly," I consider myself Jake's better half…."

Jamie sighed out in agitation before moving over to Alex," Did he ever take his pills?"

"What pills?" Alex asked, confused.

"I'll take that as a no" Jamie frowned as the door opened once more and Roscoe came bounding in. " What's going….on?" He trailed off, looking at everyone, " Hello Jamie"

"How do you-" Jamie stopped," Oh….Randy"

"Yeah, Randy" Roscoe nodded. " Remember, little boy with the toothless smile"

"That was you?" Jamie squinted a little," Shit"

"I don't get it" Robert said in agitation.

"Hey Michael" Roscoe said sweetly, stepping towards Jake.

"Ros-"

"Not you" Roscoe said, frowning at Michael.

"Me" Jake said smiling, " Hey…." Kissed him on the lips soundly before slinking forwards and sighing out tiredly," He- it hurts"

"Oh, I know it does" Roscoe said sadly.

"Wait, so you know about Jake's…problem?" Alex asked, putting his hands on his hips in shock.

"Well yeah, you think I'd be attracted to the shambles that Jake's in now? I liked Michael, the rougher, more daring side of him…I always knew, he asked me to withhold his medicine so he could have better control" Roscoe shrugged out.

"And you obliged?" Michael snapped.

"Well, yeah" Roscoe smirked.

"Oh and sorry about the whole rape thing" Jake said with a small smile as Alex's face went pale." Although, I was pretty sure Jake kind of wanted it too"

Michael looked at him," What….?"

Jamie closed his eyes," You didn't…."

"Oh, I did. Felt damn good too" Jake said with a cooked smile." And you know, I'd do it again. Granted that Alex would loosen up a bit and stop being such a tight ass"

"Jake…" Alex's voice faltered as he sat down on the bed and closed his eyes, Robert followed him, sitting down and letting him lean his head on his shoulder.

"Don't talk Lexy" Jake suddenly said quietly," It's easier for him to think that way…."

"Jake?" Voices were hopeful but it was to no avail.

"No, actually, it's still me. However…." His eyes skimmed over Michael's body quickly, flicking his tongue over his lips while narrowing his eyes," It's you who I want"

"You want me" Michael's eyes dazzled," You're mad"

"No, that's Jake" Jake sneered and with that, rushed forwards bringing his arms out and yanking Michael by his hair in a quick jerked motion towards the bathroom door, backs first before kicking it shut with a deep laugh.

"The fuck…" Roscoe trailed off as Alex, Robert and Jamie all looked at him , one intention on their minds.

"How the fuck could you go and do something so stupid to Jake!" Alex screamed out, throwing a fist blindly and punching him in his upper jaw, " Hurt him after everything, fuck, I'-- I'll kill you--" He stopped, breath short.

"Alex, stop. Before you have an asmatha attack" Robert said gently placing his hands to his head. " Jamie…" He trailed off, looking at the man," So what are you…?"

* * *

"It's always the bathrooms" Michael struggled as Jake suddenly let go of him and closed his eyes tiredly," I shouldn't be doing this" He mumbled out. " No" Michael sighed," You shouldn't be-"

"Quiet" Jake snapped, placing his elbow at the tip of Michael's neck, applying a slight amount of pressure there," Don't talk…."

"I just want to know what took you so long to snap" Michael smiled out," You know, I thought you'd break sooner or later"

"Just stop talking!" Jake cried out, but he didn't hit Michael, didn't touch him, matter of fact, he broke away. " I'm sorry Michael" He whispered finally, closing his eyes, weak demeanor finally showing. Tears broke through small slits and trailed down his face as he walked backwards into the toilet and sat down on it. "I'm sorry for hurting you, for doing everything to you, I'm sorry for telling you that you're better off dead, I'm better off dead, I was just always so jealous of you. I wished I could look handsome like you. I wished I had a smile like you, I wish that I could be like you. I wished that I could be with you…" Another tear hit's the floor and he shuddered for a minute before he continued," I wish I couldn't love you any more because all I do is cause confusion and pain. I mean….look at you" He gasped," You're breathtaking, and you've over come everything from your past, you're popular. Have wonderful fucking talent and someone who really cares and loves for you. Oh and …and- " He sniffs," Your eyes are still to die for. I wish I could explain it….it's just, they're so….fuck- fucking something, brilliant, they were never this- you were never this alive around me. I never wanted to hurt you, but I couldn't control it….there was always this- this voice in the back of my head just going 'You have to hurt him. If you hurt him he'll never leave you because he'll be too afraid to move on'. But I was too blind to realize I never wanted to know what you want. I'm sorry I never said 'I love you ' to you much. I'm sorry I can't behave myself around you. I wish I could breathe properly at night, it's so….tangled up in my mind, all the stress, and the pain and I don't want to die like this ….I don't!" He paused, eerily quiet as he wrapped his fingers around the collar of his shirt and adjusted it," But it's not supposed to be this way. It's never supposed to be this way. I should just end it now, I know you don't love me anymore, how could you….how could anyone….-" It was a chocked out sob that escaped their lips as Michael placed a hand to their face and they stopped in mid sentence, breath altered and tears streaming down their face. They didn't really need words after 17 years, did they? So instead Michael just leaned forwards and pressed his lips against Jake's and whispered out," I do love you. No matter what, remember Jake?" He smiled gently, now crying himself as he ran his fingers over his arms," We're extraordinary…."

Jake's eyes burned as he cried even harder," No….you are" He mumbles the last part into Michael's sweater," I'm nothing….."


	20. My Wedding Ring Means Everything To My

**People, you were right. There was a finality to that chapter because it's the end, I have like 4 or 5 chapters left. But, you know, I have three more twists. I don't know, you may like the ending, you may not, but either way you'll be shocked. But I just don't want to end this story, so erm….does anyone want like….an AU or something? Like, trash this story, but have a new one with Michael and Jake and Marco and Ryan, incept in a different situation altogether. A new story, but with the same characters? Oh, and you are going to cry. You're going to fucking cry because I want you guys to. And you shall. Hard.**

**I hope you like the title.**

**You may not like the next chapter.**

**I'm letting this story go with a bang, in my usual style of course.**

**And, it's a year interval, so a lot has changed.**

**Rain:** Oh hun, your nice long review made me breathe easy. I'm glad you love me enough to take the time to re-write it. No, Tim isn't the guy Dylan cheated on Marco with, it was some other name. Dylan's an ass. Period. Lol. I put a flashback in here of both of them just for you. Jamie is okay, I like him, but he's kind of growing old on me already. I'm glad your friend was confused, it's just like "Gosh, you'd have to read it from the beginning." I was trying to explain it to my friends but it ended up like "You see Marco has this son, but he's gay, and his son has a boyfriend who used to be a rent boy prostitute and he has HIV, no Marco isn't married, but he's dating Dylan, but he loves Ryan his best non gay friend, but Pete, his gay friend, likes him, and they have sex in the shower, and Michael is all lonely and suicidal and loves Adrian, no, that's his whore buddy, no I didn't mean to call him a whore, but anyway Ryan's life is kinda sorta like Annie, and he has uber little sisters and brothers and he's kinda in love with Marco and --" and by that time I'm just out of breathe and wheezing basically. Michael raping Alex is the secret? Oh no luv….no no no. The best part of the whole chapter was this: They didn't really need words after 17 years, did they? So instead Michael just leaned forwards and pressed his lips against Jake's and whispered out," I do love you. No matter what, remember Jake?" He smiled gently, now crying himself as he ran his fingers over his arms," We're extraordinary…." One of my favorite sentences as well. I hope you like this one, well, I know you will. Loveee..

**Bee:** Michael/ Jake's crazyness adds to the plot, of course. My neighbor is schizophrenic. Oh really? That's really interesting actually. Is it really really horrible when eh skips his meds? Who was Jake talking to? I'll explain that below. Hope you like this chapter.

**Azury**: Baby. Darling. Honey. Sunshine. Love. It just makes me so happy when you leave reviews like that. So bloody happy. I'm not sad, as more along the lines of saying I'm just "a little less happy than most people". I'm not very creative today. I actually feel strained to write these chapters, because I love this story so much, this story gives me headaches. Bad, painful headaches. But it's what drives me to write more, you know? I have to, I'm compelled to. But I love it. Love the drive. I'm kind of rambling but I hope you understand what I mean. I know you of all people would. Roscoe is a lot lie Remy, and I just realized how many R names I really have. But in a way, you can't help but understand where he's coming from, with being attracted to Jake's pain. I mean, aren't all the characters in here attracted to Jake in some way due to his personality? As always you hit the nail right on the head with the whole sex thing. But I'll explain that below in a second as well. This was really powerful to me...when he told him that he wished that he couldn't love him anymore because all he did was to cause confusion and pain...OMG! tear, tear...Michael to him is so breathtaking, and that he's overcame everything...even him...he thinks...He still drowns in Michael's eyes...God, chills up and down arms How they are so brilliant that they shine...Jake believes that this was due to the fact that he left Jake and all that crap behind. He didn't really want to hurt Michael but he couldn't control it...sorry, tear, tear...He's just now realizing that he didn't give Michael a chance to tell him what he wanted out of life...he only thought about hurting him to keep him with him...can we say fatal attraction...sorry, tear, tear. His cry for help came when he said that he should just end it because Michael didn't love him anymore...then Michael gave him a kiss...nothing breathtaking or passionate...but a kiss of love and promise...then Michael told him that he does love him, no matter what...tear, tear. By this time, they both have tears streaming down their face (just like me). Their eye contact speaks volumnes, after all those years of knowing each other, they don't need words. By this time, with snot slinging everywhere...then Michael says these words," We're extraordinary…." choking, crying loudly sniffle, sniffle. Sometimes I feel you basically summarize my story better than I write it. I hope you like this one, it's really a heart stopper as well.

**KirjavaTwilight :** I really like your name. Nice to see a new reviewer. I'm a good writer? I try, you know, truly do. I wish I knew people like my characters as well. and then they get some lame crap like fruit baskets, or a 5 dollar gift certificate to Bath & Body Works. That part made me laugh! Enjoy this chapter!

**Everyone is wondering what's up with the whole comment that Jake made to Michael before in the last chapter. Isn't it obvious, but I'll explain anyways, because I love you all so much. Jake closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, a deep headache coming on. His eyes fluttered for a second before he moaned out," You didn't even use a condom, you whore" He spits out the words as he suddenly reaches forwards and wrapped his hand around his throat," I should make you pay for all the pain that you cause him"**

**If you remember Jake and Michael had sex in a drunken induced stupor. Michael has HIV. Meaning Jake's at risk now. But Jake, or Michael, or whatever the fuck personality he was at the time, didn't seem to care. Let's begin the chapter, shall we?**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 20: My Wedding Ring Means Everything To My Lover**

"I'll give you a few more minutes before I come in there" Jake's voice is stern as he paces around in the room behind the booth, nervously chewing on his nails, a bad habit he picked up from Alex. There was a lot of shuffling inside the room before his cell phone rang, the nice little tune of "This Boy" by Franz Ferdinand playing. He went back to his earlier roots of being a computer hacker and had a nice variety of tunes to choose from, but he always stuck with the ones he felt like listening to again," I want a c- I want a boyfriend, a boyfriend! Yeah" The end message goes and he has to laugh, " Damnit Andy" He had a feeling he had been fiddling with his voice messages again. "Hello?" He asked into the phone, raising his eyebrows at the voice at the other end. "Guess where I'm at" They purred out.

"Where?" Jake asked, looking around, "Where?"

They giggled into the phone," Me neither, can you come and find me, I think I got lost somewhere around the sugar factory"

"But I'm covering for someone…." Jake trailed off, looking at the door.

"So….please Jakey?" The voice asked and Jake's heart melted," Fine." He snapped the phone shut and barged into the dressing room door to find Alex and Robert making out and rolled his eyes, " I can't cover for you anymore you guys, sorry. I have to go find Michael, he got lost in the Sugar Factory"

Alex pouted," But whose gonna pretend to be the blind person that walks in on us making out, step on our foots and pretend to be injured so we can get free clothes for a month?"

"Sorry" Jake said before laughing and walking off.

Robert shrugged, "You'll pretend that I pretended to molest you. Okay?" He dove back in forwards to capture his lips and Alex just nodded," Wait, let me get my asmatha pump, that way I can say I had an attack and get more money"

"Yeah" Robert nodded.

Meanwhile Jake walked down the steps past the food court before entering the Sugar Factory and migrating towards the chocolate waterfall section to find Michael stuck in the candy maze, as usual, even though he could see 5 year olds running in and out of it quickly, Michael was just plain freaked the fuck out. " Hey" Jake whispered, finally grabbing his arm," You okay?"

"Yeah, um" Michael murmured out before slinging his arms around him," I'm better now, fucking candy place, can we go?"

"Yeah, sure" Jake smiled, wrapping his hand around Michael's and pulling him out before standing in front of the store and running his hands through his hair. "What's the matter?" Michael asked, head cocked to the side. He looked at him, dark blue/ black midnight hair dyed and set, soft features and warm smile. His jeans were freshly ironed and his shirt was smooth against his skin, tie fitted around his neck and slackened at the side. Jake just closed his eyes and sighed," You're so beautiful Michael"

"Stop" Michael smiled and leaned in, placing a hand on top of his head," You're quite stunning yourself"

"No I mean it, Mikey, breath taking…-" He breathed out," M'want to kiss your lips" He leaned in and was about to kiss him as Michael's cell phone rang, this time playing the tune of "Juice Box" from the strokes. "Yes Marco?" He asked, frowning when his smile dropped," What happened to Tilly?"

Jake stopped smiling.

"Really?" Michael raised his eyebrows, getting excited before glancing at Jake and smiling," Yeah, yeah…. Of course, we'll come home now" He closed the phone and looked at Jake happily," Tilly just won the spelling bee, Adrian would've been so proud. Isn't that wonderful?"

Jake smiled brightly, although halfheartedly and hugged him," That's wonderful Michael"

"We have to come home so we can celebrate" Michael continued, shoving his cell phone into his pocket and looking at Jake, whose smile has faded. " What's the matter?"

"It's so odd, I mean…Mikey, I still feel so off…like, being with you, dating you…." Jake looked around nervously before blushing," It's been a year since the whole scenario with the drama and the play and all that other shit, but I just-"

"It takes time, Jakey" Michael says this calmly and Jake knows he means it, " Those pills only start to kick in, and well. Jake" He stopped," We've loved each other forever, so what makes it so hard now?"

"This is the closest we've ever been. We never dated before, I mean like really dated. I didn't always kiss you whenever I wanted to, like I did now, or hug you without hating you like I do now or -"

"Stop" Michael said and kissed him on the lips gently," It's okay to be afraid, but I'm here, okay?"

"B-"

"And I'm not going anywhere"

"S-"

"And I love you."

"Love you too" Jake murmurs and Michael takes his hand to go and get Robert and Alex, who are walking out the store arm in arm with a gift card. Jake snorted," I can't believe that worked"

"Money" Was all Alex said and smiled as Robert nuzzled his neck," My man knows all there is about money"

"I learned it from Ryan" Robert shrugged. But they just all started laughing at him. Nobody noticed the little lines that ran down Jake's arms, and he made sure of it as he gently pulled his long sleeved sweater down even farther.

* * *

"Ryan, get off of me" Marco yells and shoves him off and onto the floor before crossing to the other side of the table and rubbing his back," You're not a teenager anymore, I'm getting old"

"Marco, you're 23 damnit, you're not old. Now come over here and give me some lovin" Ryan said before pouncing on Marco. Once Ryan came back from Paris they had decided to take a break and try out the wild life, meanwhile Marco ended up getting depressed and gorging on food, so of course Ryan was then miserable and well, they were back together now and that's all the mattered.

Too bad no one acknowledged the fact that Marco had an eating problem.

Of course Michael, because Michael knew everything. But he couldn't say anything due to a little conversation that they had a while back while Jake was in the hospital.

"_Marco…what are you doing?" Michael asks this calmly as he leans against the edge of the bathroom door, eyes aren't even remotely wide, in fact he looks rather smug. You see, Marco had escalated from merely eating over excessively to just plain throwing the food back up. And that's exactly what he was doing as Michael wandered into the bathroom._

_"Um…I" Marco stopped leaning over the toilet and covered his eyes with his hands," I have no clue…"_

_Michael's eyes softened," Marco…." He whispers, and they start to think that that's the most affection Michael has ever shown to his before as he leans d0own and gathers him into his arms. " Don't tell anyone, please?" Marco was exposed and Michael almost liked it._

_"Of course" Michael shook his head, even though he know he shouldn't._

However, that was then, and this is now.

Tilly sat on the couch, looking around fondly," So this is your new apartment?"

"Yes" Marco said, prying Ryan from his lips," It's a little shabby, but it'll do" Green curtains draped themselves over two small windows that were on the side of the apartment, which was painted a basic purple. Green shades and plants as well were scattered through out the apartment, while the couch was purple as well as a few vases. A blue glass table sat in the middle on top of a green rug. Very Ikea like. Tilly loved it.

"I smell food" Brian said, wandering out of the guess room and starching.

"You always smell food" Andy scratched his head and latched onto Marco," You smell nice, what is that?"

"Ryan" Marco answered dryly," I smell Like Ryan"

"Mmm… I can tell" Brian said, latching onto Ryan.

Ryan laughed," Okay, what do you two want?"

"Can't we just come in here and give our favorite two lovers a hug and some luvin?" Andy batted his eye lashes at Marco innocently, but it didn't work. "No" Marco answered, smiling coyly at Andy. His hair was dyed a light brown with red streaks and he wore a shirt that says "Ich Heisse Gott Fick" on it in scrawled out pink and blue letters. His jeans were baggy for once, but he looked adorable all the same. " Do you even know what that means?" Marco asked, pointing to his shirt.

"No" Andy laughed," But I know it's German, and German is now officially in"

"Say who?" Ryan asked, prying Brian off of him now.

"Since I said so" Andy smiled," Alex is out, Nick is in"

Marco snorted," Your shirt says I Am God Fuck"

"Shouldn't it be 'I Am A Good Fuck'?" Brian mused, laughing as Andy kicked him.

"I'm getting tired of Franz anyway" Ryan walked away from them and went around to the fridge," Panic! At the Disco is in now with me"

"But I don't smell any band slash" Marco pouted," Franz oozes slash"

"You think everyone oozes slash" Brian countered.

"Well, don't they?" Andy asked.

"Not really, a very large fan base will often twist their visions around to see what they want to see. For example, everyone swears that Alex and Nick are OTP, but in reality we all know that it's really Paul and Nick as OTF and OTL due to the fact that they are around each other a lot. Libertines slash is another good example, however, it often ends up in a cocaine induced drama. People can't slash System Of A Down for whatever reason, nor The Strokes, even though their new video Juice Box contains blatant homoerotica" Tilly said from her said, flipping to Bob the Builder.

They all stared at her before exclaiming "She learned that from you, you know"

Finally the door opened at Michael came inside with Jake wrapped around his arms. " Is he okay?" Marco asked, worried for his son.

"Yeah dad" Jake mumbled," I'm just a little tired"

"He fainted in the street" Michael murmured, brushing the hair out of Jake's face, " Are you sure….Jakey…." He trailed off and kissed his head," Are you okay, really?"

"I just need to lay down…that's all" He yawned and moved towards the couch before falling onto it and closing his eyes. Michael gave Marco a worried look before scooping up Tilly in his arms. " How's my little winner, I'm so proud of you!" He giggled out, kissing her silly.

"Thanks Mikey" She said, hugging his neck," Is Jake okay though…he looks sick…"

They all glanced at Jake, who was now curled up, digging his finger nails into the couch.

Alex stumbled into the door, Robert laughing ," Oh god, that was fun, I love doing that let's do it in the elevator next time"

Alex giggled and then stopped," That wasn't the elevator the first time?"

"He's rubbing off on me" Robert said, pointing to Ryan. "That was the stairwell"

"I am not" Ryan protested, grabbing Marco's waist," Marco, tell him I'm not. I'm a good boy"

"Good boys don't get spanked every night" Andy murmured and Brian laughed out," Then you're hardly good, now are you?"

"Does Randy even know of you and Andy?" Marco asked.

"Did Ryan know of you and Dylan?" Brian snapped back and Marco looked away.

"What?" Ryan asked. Confused.

"Oh god" Tilly closed her eyes.

"What's wrong honey?" Michael asked, laying down next to Jake on the couch and Letting her lay on his stomach like a baby. "Gay drama" She murmured. And boy, was she right.

"Don't tell me you had a fling with Dylan while I was in Paris!" Ryan said, throwing his hands up in the air.

"It wasn't a fling, it was a- a- I don't know what the fuck it was." Marco said, getting agitated. " Shut the fuck up Brian, you shouldn't have said anything "

"How am I supposed to lie to my best friend?" Brian yelled so Andy frowned," Don't yell at Marco like that"

"What, defending your little crush?" Brian snapped.

Andy's eyes went wide," Hey-- fuck you!"

"What, so you had an affair with Andy too, while I was gone? Why don't you just fuck Michael too as well!"

"Don't bring me into this!" Michael yelled from the couch.

"I didn't sleep with Andy!" Marco protested. " You like me?"

"You make it seem like I'm a whore" Andy screeched and Brian laughed sadly," Aren't you? You're an inch from giving blow jobs on the street!"

"Hello?" Michael said, jumping up," Was that supposed to be a dig at me!"

"No, I mean-" Brian stuttered, " No offence Michael-"

"I do kind of like you…" Andy trailed off and Marco blinked, "what-"

"Andy you're always trying to steal my boyfriends, first Pete and then M-" Ryan frowned.

"YOU LEFT PETE TO BE WITH MARCO. TRU FACT!" Andy yelled so Ryan went quiet for a second. "No one in your family seems to know what they want"

"So what's that supposed to mean?" Robert snapped back at Andy from across the room.

"It's true, you say you love Alex, but you're still in love with Michael, and visa versa" Andy said and Alex went pale. " What?"

"What?" Robert looked flushed.

"I did what I had to do to survive!" Michael began to tear up and Brian tried to console him,. " I'm sorry-"

"So now you made Michael cry, great" Marco said, hugging Michael gently, " It's okay…"

"I do not love him anymore" Alex protested.

"Bullshit" Brian called out, making Alex grit his teeth," At least I'm not sneaking around like a whore with Andy"

"So are you calling me a whore now?" Andy yelled at Alex.

Jake groaned a little on the couch and whispered something.

"I DON'T LOVE HIM ANYMORE." Robert yelled and Michael snorted," You don't?"

"No…" Robert murmured, but it was whisper now.

"Besides, we all know that you liked Jake before you loved Michael. You just simply took him off the rebound!" Ryan said, accusing his own little brother.

"HEY FUCK YOU"

"SUCK COCK"

"MOTHERFUCKER"

"ASSHOLE!"

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Jake screamed and the room went silent. His breathing was irregular, his eyes were red. " We all love each other, okay? There's no need for this stupid fucking gay drama, now everyone make up, hug and kiss right fucking now!" Scared by Jake's words everybody did as they were told. "Now please go and congradulate Tilly, I'm going to bed" And with that he got up and went to go lay down, even more tired than before.

The room went back to usual chatter, as if the argument had never happened and Michael followed Jake into the back room.

* * *

_"If I told you a secret, do you promise never to tell anyone else? Huh Remy, what so ever?" Jake looked down at Remy in disdain as he stood there, wavering in the doorway and shaking violently. But that's what happen when you go through withdrawal. Jake remains silent so Remy places two cold fingers to his head in a gun position and making a cocking sound with his tongue," You ever think it? Huh, Jake, I bet you do, I be you do every fucking day, don't you, you're miserable. I was attracted to that you know, really was--" Remy stops because he has to cough and Jake finds it painfully attractive that he's this messed up. " I look up to you, Jake"_

_"Oh really, why?" Jake asks and you can tell he's about to do something he'll later forget._

_"Because you're the best fucking train wreck I have ever saw" Remy smiles before shrugging his shoulders and wiping his red eyes, " Cigarette kisses, that's all I remember from you."_

_Jake can't wait to laugh in Remy's face, to say fuck you and slap him for all the pain that he was put through during school, but instead he simply leans forwards and hugs him." I'm glad you enjoyed my crash, it'll be the last one"_

_"No" Remy murmurs into Jake's hair, " It's not the last one, I'd say you have a good two more left"_

_And he was right._

_Jake did._

* * *

"I saw Remy yesterday" Jake's voice is muffled in the white sheets of Ryan and Marco's bedroom as he curls his toes in his socks and inhales his faux father's scent.

"Really?" Michael asks, and you can tell he's anything but happy.

"It's okay though, we just talked. He looked miserable" Jake holds out his hand and Michael takes it, being pulled forwards onto the bed and snuggling into his boyfriend's warmth. " You know Michael, I want to run away one last time, just try and figure out what the fuck is wrong with me"

"I know what the fuck is wrong with you" Michael cracks a witty smile, kissing Jake softly and Jake sighs, because Michael is just too damn much for words, " I'm your problem"

"You're my everything Michael" Jake corrects and wipes his eyes tiredly." You're the most important thing in my life, I think I'd die without you"

"Don't say that" Michael whispers and hugs him," Because we both know I'm to die first"

Silence.

Because it's true, isn't it?

Michael wasn't exactly well, he never lost HIV you know, it was just….just in remission. Lots of pills, lots of sleep, lots of everything. But now…it was coming back. And biting Michael in the ass. Hard. So Jake just clung to him a little more and kissed his neck, burring his head in there, "We'll die together"

And that's when Tilly comes in and smiles out brightly," You're getting married?"

Jake blushes and Michael looks shocked," Where'd you hear that from?"

"Look outside the window" Tilly shrugs and walks out the room, but you can tell she's excited as well as everyone else as Marco screams and Ryan faints in the hall way outside the door. Jake ambles over to the window and Michael shyly peeks his peeked eyes out, a sky liner in the air writing out "Michael, can we make it permeant? Marry me" In the sky.

And like that.

Michael and Jake were engaged.

* * *

"You're too young!" Marco giggled and Ryan coughed as they all sat at the dinner table.

"But dad, we love each other" Jake complained like a kid again and Marco shot him a stern look," Quiet you,. Michael, you want to marry my son?"

"Dad…" Jake trailed off as Marco frowned at him

Was he actually being serious?

"Well, yes…Ma- I mean Mr. Del Rossi" Michael stammers out, blushing under his wine glass," I love your son very much. I think he's wonderful, amazing with even-"

Andy giggles out and Brian kicks him under the table as Marco decides to think about it," Can you give my son everything he needs?"

"Yes sir" Michael nods and Alex and Robert share a look of confusion. Pete shuffles around in his chair a bit and everyone wonders when the fuck he got there again. He looks tired, nonetheless and smiles at Ryan before biting into his chicken," Let the kids get Married Marco, we're waiting for you and Rye to tie the knot as well"

There were a few hoots across the table as Ryan snorted with laughter and Marco poked him in his rib," Us? Get married? That's funny….but ehm….uh, Michael, I give you permission to marry my son-"

"THANK YOU SO MUCH DAD!" Jake suddenly screams and jumps up, wrapping his dad ina too tight hug, smothering him," I love you….love you so much" And then he runs to Michael and proceeds to tackle him to the floor and shower him with kisses as much as he fucking wants because that's his fiance.

And nothing cold separate them now.

Not medication

Not death.

Nothing.

* * *

"We're getting married" Jake says proudly to Alex as they walk down the street after school, tired beyond belief but overly happy. He told his classmates and teachers of the news and everyone was expected to come, everyone was going to come. " I'm getting married, can you believe it?"

"Honestly, no" Alex shakes his shaggy hair and becomes quiet before saying," Don't hurt him this time, okay?" And Jake's afraid to answer him because now his mind is going 'What if?'. What if he does fuck up and this is the end? What if this is the last chance?

So Jake remains quiet and wishes Alex won't talk anymore.

* * *

When Michael goes to Adrian's grave for the final time it's quiet as he sits in the grass and traces his fingers across the dirty letters of his name.

Adrian Asher.

Adrian Asher. It's a breath now, and Michael's worried he's going to cry. Wants to cry, but doesn't, because he's cried enough with Adrian for one lifetime. Remembers Adrian's best words of advice to him:

_"So two hookers walk into a club right-"_

No, the other advice.

_"Don't worry about what happens when you fall in love, Michael. You will fuck up, but that's the best part. The person will love you so much it's okay to fuck up. You won't have to worry about being the epitome of perfection anymore. You'll be so happy you can't stand it. You'll wheeze , Mikey. I hope I see you that happy one day, but if not, I want to remember this, you are, and will always will be, one of the best things to ever happen to me. Okay? Remember it."_

And oh, he did.

And that's when the tears came.

"I'm getting married!" He announced to the win quietly, " And you're invited"

But he knew Adrian couldn't come.

And where was Trent?

Down in the river somewhere deep. And gone.

And his heart ached, because he longed to be with them once more and share one more street corner together. "I'm getting married" He breathed again and a tear drop hit the grave," I'm getting married and I don't know what the fuck to do"

And then he sits and wonders some more.

* * *

"My son is getting married" Marco moans out as he sticks his finger down his throat again and heaves the little food he did have for dinner back up again. Sniffs twice and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before sitting up and seeing Ryan in the door way, shocked and wide eyed.

Ryan doesn't move, just wines a little in his throat before he turns away, disgusted with his boyfriend and disappointed and Marco loves it, because maybe then he could fucking let go of Ryan and let Ryan be with Pete, like he knows he wants to be.

So Marco wants to remember the week before all hell breaks loose by going out and drinking.

Bad mistake.

* * *

_"The day you get married, will be the best fucking day ever, you know that?" Rory exclaims and Michael and Jake giggled with laughter, raising eyebrows and holding hands while walking down the street. "The day you get married I'll hug you both so tight and overwhelm you with love, because it's all down hill from here. However, if you love someone so much, so powerfully that you'll die for them, take the shit that they doll out and then some, it'll be the best day of your life. It'll be the first day of your life, it'll feel as if you're opening your eyes for the first time. It's a rush. It's amazing. A fucking mazing"_

_Jake is quiet, glancing at Michael before asking slowly," Who will we marry, Rory?"_

_"You're 6 years old, don't worry about it" Rory smiles. But he knows who they're going to marry. So he pushes them a little closer together and inhales the cold September air," Let's go get something to eat and climb a tree, maybe you guys wont leave me stuck up there like last time"_

And then, like Remy predicted, the first of two crashes occurred.


	21. First Day Of My Life

**Chapter 21: First day of my life**

**This is what happens when you listen to Fade together on repeat. However, I'm calling it first day of my life by bright eyes because this song is so Michael and Jake it hurts. Don't cry luv, in this chapter. But you probably will. You'll be crying a lot towards the end. I'm not going to reply you to you guy's reviews today because…ahem, I just want to see your rection. I have 3 pages written in the new fic, it's coming along painfully slow**

**

* * *

**

_ This is the first day of my life_  
_ I swear I was born right in the doorway_  
_ I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed_  
_ They're spreading blankets on the beach_

_

* * *

_

**  
**

Michael and Jake were getting married. All the calls had been made, it'd be an outside wedding, a formal affair. Beautiful red roses were to be hung around, Natalie was catering, the tables were set, the rehearsal dinner went perfect. The rin-

The rings were on their fingers.

Specked with gold and silver, a simple band. "First day of my life" was written on the inside.

Because it's true, it was the first day of their life.

But then….then Jake saw something that scared the shit out of him.

Michael crying on the bathroom floor.

"What- what's the matter Michael?" Jake stammered out, dropping besides his best friend and grasping his hands and arms to make sure there weren't any cuts on it, but there wasn't, because Michael was past that.

"I was ju- ju- just thinking" Michael sniffed a little more and fell into his arms," I was thinking that we've finally done it. We can be happy now, Jake, together. No more secrets, no more games. No more hurting each other. Don't you see?" He cried out happily, looking him in the eye," We're free"

And that, well that just made all the blood from Jake's face drain out.

Because he was going to fuck up.

He knew it

Felt it in his bones, twisting and turning. He inhaled sharply and breathed out every single fucking sentence of love and lust and want and pleasure that he knew his poor sweet prince wanted to hear and that lulled Michael to sleep. Straight on the bathroom floor. Because Jake could do that to Michael. And with one sweet kiss it was set.

Tomorrow was the wedding.

So he had to leave that morning.

* * *

_ Yours is the first face that I saw_  
_ I think I was blind before I met you_  
_ Now I don't know where I am _  
_ I don't know where I've been_  
_ But I know where I want to go_

_

* * *

_

Wedding bells

Jake breathed recklessly as Michael chased after him down the block before turning the corner, eyes wide. He placed a hand to his chest, eyes watering. It was for the best. All of this was for the best. He loved Michael, really loved Michael, right?

So leaving him was the best thing he could ever do

He had been telling himself that ever since he had left the apartment that day with only a book bag on. Jake had it all planned out, he was going to finish something that he had started a long time ago. He needed perfection, didn't he? He felt sick, a clawing feeling aching through his body. Want. The need to act reckless and have a fuck all attitude. He wanted Michael to surface. It felt so odd, now that he thought about it as he pushed himself off the dirt wall and began running again, how much Michael was really around and how much Jake had basically sat back and let Michael do all the work. Sometimes have multiple personalities was such an easy thing .

He often wondered, however, how much of his life did he spend with Michael, his true love Michael, as apposed to how much time he….the other…the evil side, of him spent with Michael. He'd have to say 60/40 percent. And sadly he was the 40 Hell, He didn't even really say " I love you" to Michael the first time.

He did

First kiss?

Him as well.

The….the sex….the complicated letters and goodbyes, even the time he shoved him down the steps.

All Him

Never Jake.

Jake can't remember anything good anymore, and to be honest, he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to love Michael anymore. He doesn't want Alex to love him anymore. He wished he never pressed his lips to Michael's in the first place.

He wish-

He wished he could die.

No, Michael did. He did. Jake hardly had control anymore…he was….seeing things, remembering things….that he never did. That Michael did. It was almost as if, once Michael did take over, Jake didn't remember the after effects. Every cut that was formed on his arm, every lip that he kissed, he wouldn't remember until weeks later. He even remembered how Michael was attracted to Roscoe, not him. Jake was always in love with Michael, no one else. Not even Alex.

Oh Alex, he came close.

Painfully close.

But….Michael loved Alex. Jake didn't love him. Michael did. In a sick twisted way.

Another corner, another turn. His breath quickened again. He'd run forever.

"Jake!" Michael cried out.

But oh god, please don't make him.

He turns around to say goodbye with his eyes and Michael stands there, blocks away, heaving for breath as well, feeling cold inside. He couldn't believe it. Jake was giving up. Wa- was it something he did? No. "I love you" is what the other's lips mouth out, and Michael can feel his fucking heart break right there into tiny pieces. Michael realizes where Jake is at: The air port.

His eyes tear.

He can't believe it.

He won't believe it. " No Jake… no no no. You are not going to leave me like this! You hear me?" He screams out ," You are not going to fucking leave me like this! I need you! I love you! Come back, please, I'll do anything, anything I just….I just can't take this anymore…." His voice dropped down to a whisper, and Jake's still watching, backing away slowly through the sliding glass doors. " Don't hurt me anymore…."

The doors slide shut.

Jake's words are clear in the cold morning air. " I won't. I Promise"

And then he's gone.

And Michael….well Michael is….

Just a little.

Just a little dead inside. Because for once he knows that Jake isn't coming back.

* * *

_ And so I thought I'd let you know  
That these things take forever  
I especially am slow  
But I realize that I need you  
And I wondered if I could come home_

_

* * *

_

You're heading home. You decide after sitting in the terminal for an hour and hoping to god that he'll come around the corner. Smiling. Lovingly. And you'll kiss him the hardest you ever have in your life. And your heart will explode with this overwhelming feeling out pride and happiness that he is yours. But he doesn't. So you're heading home. Going home to tell everyone your boyfriend has left you.

That he's gone.

So when you finally get home, how come it's the farthest place you want to be.

But when you open the door everyone is smiling. And you look a wreck. Look at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes are red from crying, your nose is stuffy, there's a ring around your neck from holding the fucking promise ring that he gave you so goddamn tight, and your hair is askew as usual. And then they stop smiling, and you breathe out in agony as you look at your faux family, and whisper out two cold words before sticking your thumb in your mouth and reverting back to childhood days. " Jakey's gone"

And that's all you need to say before you're gone too.

* * *

_ Remember the time you drove all night_  
_ Just to meet me in the morning_  
_ And I thought it was strange you said everything changed_  
_ You felt as if you had just woke up _  
_ And you said "this is the first day of my life_  
_ I'm glad I didn't die before I met you _  
_ But now I don't care I could go anywhere with you_  
_ And I'd probably be happy_

_

* * *

_

"Talk to him?" Ryan whispers over the kitchen table, and everyone shakes their head," What do we say?" Marco asks, rubbing his eyes," He won't talk"

"Well…what if Jake isn't gone? What if he-" Andy looks desperate, as if he lost his own son, but it's impossible to tell.

"He's gone" Marco says miserably. "I told him that if he needs to get up and go, just do it"

"Well why the fuck would you say that?" Pete asks and Marco frowns," Good question…."

" Should we file a missing persons report?" Brian asks, coiling himself within the cheap pillows and biting his nails.

"And say what? That he ran away? " Ryan frowned," They don't take those reports anymore"

"God" Alex says, leaning back in the pillow," I should've just said something"

"Said what about what?" Marco looks up.

"He had….told me that he wanted to go far away from everybody….he was tired. He said that he wanted to feel something, something bad, something painful." Alex whispered," But I thought that was just the pills talking….-"

"Michael" Marco hissed and Alex's eyes fluttered," Shit….I should-"

"It's okay…jus- just continue" Ryan leaned on Marco's shoulders and curled neck to him tight, holding his hand. Because what if Marco had went away? Then what?

"He asked me where would I go if I was to run away. And I told him a hotel room. Somewhere secluded" Alex murmured quietly. " Do you think he went away…to a hotel somewhere?"

"He got on an airplane…" Michael whispered out and everyone was shocked to hear his voice. " And he left….he- he-" He bit his lip, his voice was cold of any emotion as he closed his eyes and tried to talk," Why does this always happen? Why am I happy for at least 1 day and then it all just goes away? How co- could the on- on- only person that I ever really loved do this?" His eyes brimmed with tears as he remembered how he used to cut himself in these dire situations.

He- he forgot how that felt.

Wasn't it magical?

How his long skinny fingers would elegantly draw out a blade and pull it down his arm in gentle strokes, reds and violets trailing and forming soon after , like a sort of suicidal symphony. And he was the conductor. And oh, the way his eyes light up at the way the discoloration make him cringe on contact. Why did he ever stop? His lips crack a smile," I have to go to the bathroom. Excuse me" He wipes his eyes and gets up.

No one protests.

Because it's been 3 years and Michael is better than that.

Right?

"Let's file a report anyway" Ryan says, picking up the phone. Pete looks disturbed as he leans over and whispers in Ryan's ear," What should we do about the gallery opening?" They were business partners now. Quite popular actually. Sold a lot of poems and paintings. Helped Ryan get the flat that him and Marco shared now, actually. "Well, I can't leave Marco like this…."

"Of course" Pete nods, he understands. But somehow, Ryan just doesn't think so. " Could you handle it?" Ryan asks and of course, Pete does. Because he'll do anything for Ryan. He just has to. And then maybe one day Ryan will realize that he'll do anything for Pete as well. But until then they'll both pretend that whatever they're feeling at the moment doesn't exist. Because that's what all love blinded people do.

Marco shifts around after the call is made and blinks suddenly, as if the air has shifted, and it has. A pause. And a thought. " Where's Michael?"

"He said he went to the ba-" Robert stops and gets up before running to the door, because suddenly everyone remembers the old Michael, the weak Michael. The Michael that didn't have Jake. And that's the Michael they find on the bathroom floor with a dozen sleeping pills on the floor and around him, two nice red slashes on each of his arms, and wide, ghost like green eyes staring at the ceiling.

We all remember that Michael.

Robert drops to his knees and once again Pete has the joy of calling 911. He doesn't hesitate as he takes his finger and shoves it down Michael's throat, rather aggressively. " You're going to.-" Robert sneers as he plunges his finger in further, " - choke up -" Another jab," - every fucking drop" But Michael just doesn't respond. His eyes are so clear now. He almost looks happy. " I said, every fucking drop! You're not dying on me Michael!" Robert yells out, sticking two fingers down his throat and applying pressure with his thumb to Michael's neck. And Michael heaves. Heaves straight onto the new tiled floors that Marco just put down and scrubbed with a tooth brush. And then there's silence as Michael achingly whispers to the faces of his family, quietly, softly, painfully: "What are you waiting for. Call the ambulance to save me, like you always do"

And they did.

* * *

Jamie feels sick. He feels sick as he watches Michael inside his hospital gown, walk around with an IV trailing from his body and his tired little eyes shyly looking around the room, half confused, half dazed. When him and Rory said that Michael and Jake would drive each other crazy they didn't mean literary.

Jake had been gone for a month. Now. No word. No nothing.

Just silence.

And Michael was just getting worse.

"I'm glad you're here, Jamie" Michael purrs out your name like a child. He extends his hand and you take it within yours slowly. " So am I" And you hold him forever, because you are his big brother in every other way. He makes a joke about hospital food and you smile. You smile because you have to. And because if you didn't. You'd be crying. And Michae-

Michael had cried enough for one life time.

"It's poison" Michael murmurs.

But you can't tell if he's talking about the hospital food anymore, or Jake.

Either way it's true.

You hold his hand for the rest of the day

* * *

"Suicide watch" Marco whispers and covers his mouth," God, no"

"That's what they're calling it?" Ryan looks defeated and tired. But that's what happens when you live off of coffee and packets of sugar for 2 months.

"They want to transfer him. Never seen a case of depression this severe before" Marco is quiet for a while. He's so strong,. You're jealous of him as you lean in and kiss his lips. He doesn't smile. But he does kiss you back. Soft and gentle. The way kisses should be. " He'll be fine" You lie.

And he smiles back.

Lies.

Tell him some more so he won't feel so down, won't you Ry?

Brian comes in and sits down in one of the cold plastic chairs. Sips some coffee and shakes his head," I don't know what to say to them anymore" Pete doesn't look surprised and drinks the coffee Brian just drank from," There's nothing to say"

"What does that mea-"

"I admire Michael" Pete whispers, putting down the cup; now half empty. "He's loved, lost and became the perfect cliché. Michael and Jake, the gay Romeo and Juliet, is it not?"

Brian looks shocked, so he just sips his coffee.

Pete was always very insightful, wasn't he?

* * *

21 Days.

Today you delete Dylan's name from your phone book completely, throw out all the bad pictures you have of him and place your head phones on your head. Ryan's asleep inside the bed room and you're just quiet. The rain lulls you to sleep, painfully slow. You like the feel though.

Release.

You're free from the drama.

Your ex boyfriend is gone.

You smile.

Dylan is gone. Too bad you happened to cause him.

His funeral was nice though.

21 days.

You bite your lip and think of ice cream, but you shake your head and resist. 21 days until Jake is missing for 3 months. The police are looking, But not hard enough. In your mind he's already dead. He was dead the day he killed Michael. And what are you?

You smile crookedly.

'I'm just a gay kid listening to their headphones. Just like you'

Snap. Flash. Shutter.

There's the cover of your next article, and the author's picture. Smile Marco, you're someone special. Tell yourself that until he rain knocks you out.

* * *

_ So if you want to be with me_  
_ With these things there's no telling_  
_ We just have to wait and see_  
_ But I'd rather be working for a paycheck_  
_ Than waiting to win the lottery_  
_ Besides maybe this time is different_  
_ I mean I really think you like me_

_

* * *

_

Michael wants to say something to you. You can tell. His eyes are red and his skin his blue and he's dreaming of valium, and all you can do is breathe. Breathe in slowly and smile at him. Robby. Weren't you there from the beginning. " Breathe, Mikey" You mumble as his chest rises and falls. And you suddenly remember how much you do love him. And it takes your breath away. All you want is a kiss.

One Kiss from those lips.

So you lean over and you try to kiss him. But his eyes snap open with malice and you stumble back, almost falling off the bed. And with a tongue so sharp, and words so cutting edge that you should cry if you weren't so cold he hisses," You're not Jake"

And that's when you realize you're so gone, you don't care and kiss him anyway. Hold him down to the bed with limp wrists and kiss him. And of course his cries and shrieks push you further, making you wonder what the fuck makes Jake so special.

Then Alex walks in

Pulls you off and smacks you hard.

And you know he's wondering the same thing about Michael that you're wondering about Jake. So you kiss him as well, and make sure he fucking knows that you love him more than life. You just loved Michael more. And Alex does what he always does best.

He settles.

And that's all Robert needs to know.

Michael looks at the calendar and it's 4 months now. His eyes close and he fucking wishes he didn't feel so cold.

* * *

It's been five months when something strange happens. 


	22. Remember Me, Jakey

**I ahem, I finished the story. It's horrible. Made me cry. It's done. Oh and I know everyone was a little shocked with the whole Dylan dying thing. So I'll fix that up as well. Read on my lovlies. My self esteem has been brutally shot down. So erm. Ja.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 22: Remember Me, Jakey  
**

"You're a fucking cheater" Brian snaps and Alex frowns down at the paper on the foldable table. They were playing tic tac toe while Ryan and Marco fussed over Michael's frail body and Robert sniffed in the corner, switching from news station to news station. Andy bit into some chocolate and let it swish in his mouth.

"The X thingy can't fucking eat a white dot, this isn't pac man!" Alex snaps back and Brian was quiet for a moment. " It isn't?"

"You can't play pac man on paper!" Alex sighs out and Michael cracks a little smile," Yeah Brian, you should know that"

"Whatever" Brian frowns, but smiles quickly since Michael is actually talking again. The room is a little quiet for a while when the telephone rings. "Hello?" Michael whispers into the phone," Room 210"

"Hello love"

"Jake?" Michael is beyond devastated at the voice and the room is filled with silence.

"Yeah…."

"Where are you?"

"I don't know" Jake's voice is so broken," A hotel room floor….I ah…had too much to drink last night and um, haven't been able to get up yet"

"Do you know how worried I've been?" Michael's voice rises," How could you go and do that to me, to us, after everything? Don't you love me enough to figure out that it's enough? -"

"I tried to kill myself Michael"

"Wh-"

"I tried to kill myself and I fucking stopped because our engagement ring was hanging around my neck in the mirror like a noose and I realized if I killed myself I killed you. So I didn't." Jake's words are broken up and shaky," It's raining outside where I'm at, it's so still Michael. Too quiet. Now I know what it feels like to be in the hospital all the time alone like you are. "

"Jake" Michael says as he sits up in the bed," Come home"

"I can't. I'm afraid" Jake cries a little on the phone," And you're in the hospital again…Michael….I can'- I can' t keep doing this anymore. We've been through too much….too fucking much. And god….I threw my pills down the drain…I mean Michael did, I didn't do anything, and its so hard to see….to breathe….and I just want you with me Michael, please-" Jake's hysterical now and Michael can't help but tear up himself. " Tell me where you are love, I'll find you-"

"You can't find me!"

"We always find each other" Michael's words fall from the phone like lead and Jake sniffs a little," I don't want you to find me"

"You just said you needed me-"

"I do-"

"You're such a fucking hypocrite!"

"….you loved me for that."

"I did" Michael sounds dead now. "Come on, come on Jake- Jakey. Jakey. Tell me that you love me. Wake up. Wake up and tell me that you fucking love me, okay, and then we'll all be better, so that- tha- that way we can get marr- married"

"I'm awake. M' room 324" Jake's groggy voice says other wise and he frowns," How much did you drink?"

"I don't remember….he….he brought me a bottle…."

"Jake, you're not making an sense"

"Mmm…not feeling well now…."

"Jake, Jake don't fucking fall asleep on me …."

"I'll….see you, Mikey…." Jake whispers and there's breathing on the phone, but he doesn't hang up. Michael listens there in silence for a while, the uneven breathing and he can picture the jerky rise and fall of his chest and how his hair and probably pitched to one side of his face, or how is neck is probably red from wringing the necklace around his neck too much. And then he thought for a second before saying quickly," Get me a wire and a calculator…"

* * *

_Ahh…Jake, has it come down to this? Are you that fucking weak that you have to resort to trying to hang yourself with your own wedding ring necklace? How sad, yet still amusing_.

Jake's still on the floor of the hotel room, his breath is harsh and uneven and he hears Michael's taunting voice in the back of his mind egging him on. Sometimes having a schizophrenic counter part is not as amusing as it seems. " Shut up Michael."

_Oh, you ruined your wedding. I can't believe that crack head was right, you are a failure, a wonderful fucking train crash and you know what? I enjoy every minute of it. Why don't you go and shoot yourself Jake, end it all now. Wouldn't that be wonderful, you know it would, it'd be the best fucking thing in your life. Ha, you could even say it was the first day of your life._

"I'm not doing anything….ah…" Jake trails off as he lifts his arm off the floor and bushes himself up to the bed before walking ashamedly towards the mirror and looking at himself. Without realizing it he pulls back his finger in a trigger motion and puts it towards his head.

_Bang, bang_ . Michael coos out and Jake automatically drops his hand down. " Don't do that"

_You are so. Fucking. Dull. I'm really mad that you proposed to that ass Michael. Bad enough he has the same name as me. I don't want you thinking about me while him and you are doing the dirty._

"Just stop talking" Jake groaned out, placing his hands on his head and closing his eyes," Your voice gives me migraines"

_I have the same voice as you._

But that's all Michael says before Jake tips his head back and screams as loud as he fucking can. Doesn't know weather it's a scream for help or not yet.

* * *

"How is this supposed to help?" Alex asks as he holds the wire still outside the window and Michael balances the calculator in his hands. " You see, all phones carry out wave signals, like cell phone incept without the risk of cancer…" He bites his lip as he counts the beat on the phone and punches the numbers into his calculator. " So it's almost like bugging a phone. If I count the number out beats or signals that the phone puts out, then I can figure out where the fuck he is. Like, if he's in new York or something, there'd be exactly 12355 beats."

"And isn't that going to take forever?" Robert shifts, moving the other wire around.

'Yeah, so uh, that's why I'm a genius, I worked out a system a long time ago when I used to hack into Marco's computer while me and Jake were….separated. Sorry Marco, so there's a way of shortening the lengths, you just have to be patient. I just hope he doesn't realize he hasn't hung up the phone yet"

Marco walks out of the room and towards the bathroom before locking the door and pulling out a picture of Dylan. A old one, freshly wrinkled due to the way he shoved it in his jeans pocket the following morning and covered with tears. How did that get there? Didn't he rip and burn and tear them all up? Oh no, not this one. His second date with Dylan at the dot, he remembers the picture well. Dylan has his arm snug around Marco's slender waist and had two straws up his nose, Marco like wise grinning like an idiot.

He almo- almost missed him.

But then he remembered how he had stumbled into the bar.

How Dylan had been there waiting on the bar, drunk off his ass and how his eyes lit up at the sight of Marco there, teary eyed and sick, wanting to sit down anywhere and everywhere, but not wanting to pass out. How he wrapped an arm around him and snuggled in close, inhaling his scent. He remembers the way his fingers graped the buttons of his shirt and how he pulled Dylan down in for ruken kisses and sly touches under the shirt.

Remebered the look, the feel.

Loved all of it.

Made sure to forget about Ryan and just enjoy Dylan like he used to before Ryan came.

Everything was better before Ryan came.

So he giggled against his strong mouth and asked quietly," Your place or mine" and it was set.

Until they got on the road, both drunk and both a little too dizzy on whatever lust had built up between them over the years. Especially when Marco slipped a hand up Dylan's shirt making him shiver slightly. He was going to make him love him. He was going to fucking make it happen. Make Ryan feel bad for being disappointed with him.

But he stopped and Dylan looks up with hazy eyes disappointed.

And Marco is just confused.

Where did he go wrong?

He shouldn't be doing this.

"What's the matter?" Dylan looks so hurt that Marco reaches out and places a palm against his face and you can taste the cigarette remains on his lips as he leans in and kiss him one last time before whispering, " Love you Dylan" . Close his eyes and throws up a little into his hand, because the car is turning around the corner and up the block.

* * *

"_I want you to believe me" Jamie frowns out as Rory waves his arms and takes Michael's hand while Jamie takes Jake. " Stop fussing, you can't cross the street alone" Jamie hisses and Jake quiets down. They cross the street quickly so Rory starts up again, complaining while Michael looks up at Rory and asks," What happened to Jamie?" He sticks a thumb in his mouth and Rory glances over at Jamie's black eye and cringes._

_"He slipped"_

_"He slipped on a fist" Jake snorts and Rory stops and hits him in the head," That's not funny Jake, say sorry"_

_"Ohh, that hurt!" He snaps, rubbing his head gently Michael gently takes his thumb out his mouth and smooths Jake's head back down before taking his hand instead of Rory's and frowning a little. " Does it hurt a lot?"_

_"Well yeah" Jake frowns but blushes when Michael kisses his head and sighs," I think that Rory's a little tied"_

_Jamie doesn't look amused," You didn't have to hit Jake" He hisses and Rory can barely control himself as he grits his teeth and blows some hair out of his face," I know…it's just ahem….sorry Jamie, really I just-" He stops and closes his eyes for a moment and Jamie feels so heart broken he takes his hand and guides him along closer to the boys," It's okay"_

_Because everyone knows that Rory ofically has a anger problem that needs to be checked._

_Maybe if they had realized that earlier they would've realized that there may have been a way tp prevent Jake from turning out the same way._

* * *

Marco remembers everything a bit more clearly now.

And if he hadn't gotten out the car with Dylan, maybe he still would've been alive.

It's just pure confusion now that he thinks about it, pure confusion. It would seem that everything in his life had a chain reaction.

Look at it this way. Dylan was on the phone with Marco when he died….he…he didn't see the other car coming around the corner because he was crying into the phone how he didn't understand why he and Marco had ended so abruptly.

If Marco hadn't have gotten out of the car Dylan wouldn't have called him, he wouldn't have crashed into the other car, and he wouldn't have died.

So in a way, Marco killed Dylan.

Why was he mad at Dylan in the first place?

How did he leave Dylan in the first place?

Ryan.

Ryan.

Marco seethed.

He didn't eat any food today.

But that didn't stop him from sticking his finger down his throat.


	23. We're Not Dead Yet

**: GIGGLES: OMG YOU GUYS did you really think that was the end? I am really mad that you actually though that. : giggle snort: I said the end made me cry, that chapter hardly brought a tear to my eye. I started the new story, they're in college this time and ahem….Marco and Ryan and Dylan and Michael and Jake and.. : squee: ADRIAN AND TRENT AND RORY BABY… are all back. Oh and Andy and Brian and Pete and the rest of the crew for more naughty fun. It's a bit more mature than this story is and I;m just working on a title for now. Here's chapter 23 my loves. There's 2 more chapters left….well actually one**.** This is basically a filler**

**AN: I dunno if the whole beat thing is true sort of... **

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 23: We're Not Dead Yet  
**

_We've been together forever. Or at least it's sure as hell felt that way. I remember our first kiss. The way Rory had shoved me into you and how you tasted like cigarettes even though you were like 5 years old. I remember the way your cheeks were bright red from blushing for a week and how when I had asked you if my breath was okay you said it was perfect. We will always be together. We have to be, because if we're not together we're not happy. And even when we're seldom together we're still not happy. But Jake, can't you see, you're more than life to me. I think that's why I love you so much. Because as many complications as there are in our lives, and it doesn't matter how many times we hurt each other - mentally and physically-, we always find a way back to each other. I don't think I could get rid of you now, even if I wanted to. And I'm okay with that, Jakey. I really, really am._

Wedding Vows.

Michael's wedding vows.

Lovely, weren't they?

"Where are you going?"

"Where do you think I'm going?" Michael sighs out and Alex shrugs, " To get hurt, as usual"

"Right you are, Alexander" Michael's smile is sad now and he shrugs," But I have to go and find him"

"Does Marco know?"

"No. Don't tell him. Or at least tell him after I leave" Michael doesn't look as sure of his actions as he acts and instead wipes his nose a little," I have to do this. I know you understand that Alex"

"I do" Alex's voice is formal and flat. " It's what Jake does to people"

"Yeah…" And then Michael leaves.

Alex signed him out of the hospital.

* * *

"12355 beats exactly. " Michael moans out palming his head on the airplane as Jamie snores on his shoulder. " What the hell is he doing in New York?"

Jamie is very lucky that Randy is extremely careless when it comes to money while involving his friends. The airplane flight is quiet and lonely. Michael's very afraid that something bad is going to happen. Because well, doesn't something bad always happen when it comes to those two?

Now that Michael thought about it he realized that his life was just full of fucking pain and anger. And oh, the things he went through. The abuse. The lies. The lost loves and all the promises that Jake gave him, never to be fulfilled.

Why did he keep coming back?

He didn't know.

Knew that he loved him.

But didn't know much else.

But that was all he needed to know.

* * *

Jamie stood still and Michael breathed unevenly while walking around, as if in a daze. Looking for the hotel he was in. All he knew was room 324 and the area code. There were only 7 hotels in the area code that he had traced, and this was the last one. So Jake had to be here. As they went up the stairs Michael stopped Jamie. " I need to do this alone…." He whispers and hugs him, because it's been a while since he's hugged Rory….he means Jamie. But he thinks Rory. Because they're basically one in the same. Jamie nods and lets go of him before Michael moves up towards the door.

The sky is black and rain is pouring down hard, as if warning Michael that there was hell about to ensue.


	24. Infliction

_**Final Chapter: Infliction **_

* * *

_**I've been waiting patiently for this day to arrive and**_  
_** I have spoken not a single word,**_  
_** Now hand to hand my voice shall be heard**_

_**No Michael  
not this time,  
I've been waiting for oh so long, oh so long**_

_**I've accepted silently this name I've been given and  
I have heard it pass the lips of everyone,  
Now if you will inquire, ask of your Father  
and he may tell you of his brightest Son**_

_**No Michael  
not this time,  
I've been waiting for oh so long**_

_**No Michael,  
not this time,  
I've been growing oh so strong**_

_**Now in true glory  
I'll rise again, ahh**_

_**I've been waiting patiently for this day and this time  
I shall not be alone,  
Not this time, not this time,  
not this time, not this time **_

_**-**_"Michael" by Son of Sam_**  
**_

* * *

Jake cocked the gun, trembling fingers held the cool metal against the side of his temple and he inhaled slowly, darkly, sides burning, skin aching and altogether all he wanted was a little attention, a little love. And it wasn't to say that nobody loved him, because he was beginning to realize that many, many people in his life loved him, but it was the fact that no one loved him in the way that he loved them back, abuse. 

_You can take all the time in the world Jake, no one is going to save you now._

No one was abusive enough to him.

And that's why he had to end it all, right then, right there.

He took a calculated guess, estimating that if he pulled the trigger in a specific corner, he would die automatically on contact. Sweat poured down his skin, rainbow eyes shown through sadness and as a smile curled onto his face, for that was the end, the end of his show…the final episode he pulled his fingers back, testing out his reflexes when the door slammed open and Michael stood there, soaking wet from the rainwater, cut and bruises, black eyes shining and red bloody lips tinted, and stopped to take a breath.

"Jake…" Michael trailed off, hands on knees, doubled over, losing track of whatever he was about to say when he looked up and saw Jake, black hair, black everything and he laughed a little, though nothing is funny, but they always laughed at nothing, it seemed to fulfill them. " What are you doing?"

"Me? Oh nothing…" Jake trailed off, not moving, not doing anything really.

"Oh," Michael nodded, paused. Blinked and then started again," Well…"

"Why did you come all this way anyway?" Jake asked, lips turned upwards in disdain, " Why did you follow me all the way here"

"Because Alex couldn't do it" Michael laughed, but this time, Jake didn't laugh with him. " Because I love you. I need you."

"Really?" Jake arched his eyebrows.

"There's something wrong with you Jake, something…in your mind, I guess, is distorted…-" Michael began, squinting and standing up fully, stretched to the side. Jake remained, fingers poised, gun cocked and standing by the mirror watching the torrents of rain as they carried out an assassin like job against the window pane of the hotel that they now resided in. " I came here because I hate to see you in pain"

"Don't you think I know that?" Jake snapped, turned around, hair sweeping into his face.

Michael, un phased by his out burst nodded casually, taking a spot on the creaky old bed that laid in the corner, obviously soiled and he didn't even want to think what the hell that yellow spot on the bedspread was," You don't seem to be doing anything positive about it"

The trigger of the gun snapped again, this time rotating the barrel and Michael glanced up wearily as Jake replied," This is a positive thing"

Michael snorted," You always did take the easy way out of things"

Jake's eyes, which were momentarily closed from the horrible headache that was surging through his head, snapped open with a quick flustered motion and glanced at Michael slowly, dryly, lingering over his face and his little scars and cuts and smirked in return, not saying a word but instead shrugging.

"I mean, I understand that you want to get your shit over with" Michael said, gesturing towards the gun," And all, but really now, I never thought that you, of all people, you wuss out and just end it like that. Wouldn't Jake, as you being the savvy badass that you are, want to take natural death? You know, the slow, agonizing way"

"One thing you should know by now is that I have been dying Mikey, all this time" He paused, a sharp intake of breath making Michael glance up momentarily with concern before Jake leveled his body against the cold window pane, glass pressing against his skin due to the fact that a hooker had a bottle of JD thrown at him the week before, but luckily ducked and instead the bottle collided into the window. " Being around you does that"

Michael laughed harshly," Jake, you're funny when you're morose, did anyone ever tell you that?"

"You're ridiculous Michael," Jake said, stopping and looking out the window, he didn't turn back around as he sighed out," That's what I always loved about you"

Michael fell into the bed, crossing an arm over his face to block out the dim rays of light that were actually working in the shithole of a motel and rolled over, face down and inhaled the nasty scent before looking up at a suddenly starry eyed Jake before asking," Are you done acting?"

" Are you?" Jake whispered, still not moving.

Michael furrowed his brows together as he gritted his teeth and remarked," I have cleaned up my act, Jake. Left the whole woe is me pretty boy rent boy past behind and have created a new image for myself. I'm not the cowering self destructive boy that you used to love-" He stopped when Jake raised his hand to silence him. It was all a lie. He knew he was. He always will be.

He turned around, hand placed over his chest as he leaned over from his position at the window and breathed out," Loved? Used to love? Mikey, these past tense words wound me so, I have never heard such horrible things before" He snorted," Get real, I still love you and I know you do too, because we're just fucked up like that"

"Why are you like this?" Michael suddenly yelled out, broken heart beyond repair. " Jake, I'm tired of this. I …I ….I just want to love you without all these complications. Without all the pain"

"I do too-"

"Then what are we doing here?"

"Michael" Jake breathes a little slower than normal and walks over embracing his best friend. His lover. His everything. Michael melts into his arms weakly and closes his eyes, inhaling and gripping every part of him that he can at the moment. He murmurs "Love you" into the crook of his neck and Jake smiles sadly, " So you know, I wanted you to know that for these past months I've been trying to celebrate life, for both me, you and Rory, I've been to every party, every church, every grave I can find to see if anything, any emotion could come to me and I felt…nothing" He looked up, dark eyes making Michael's breath falter. " It's not you that has been filling the void within myself, Mikey, It's been me, my desires and twisted goals, dreams and assorted memories that have been keeping me going, you've been a rather tragic casualty to all of this"

"What does this mean?"

"Ah…." Jake shook his head." You were my mess, you keep forgetting that. The same person who broke you was the only one that could fix you. You want to know why I constantly kept hurting you over and over again, Mikey?" His voice is cynical now and Michael doesn't want to let him go. But he does, backs away and nods before sitting on the bed again. Grips his hair before knotting his fingers into the short cropped locks and bit his lips. His legs were crossed Indian style and droopy eyes, from all the crying, barely concealed that fact that he wanted to know the truth, the main truth that had been haunting his mind for years.

" I wanted to feel pain"

"What?"

"You, Michael, were always in pain. Always. And I wanted to take that pain away. All of it, until you couldn't feel anything at all, like me, I wanted you to be happy. And then when I had first hurt you, I realized what had happened…that something as wrong with me…that I-- I…" Jake's hands trembled," I knew I had a problem then. And you knew it. I saw it in your eyes. So I tried to hurt you, because you know, if I hurt you then you'd hate me, and then I'd just have to feel pain, have to feel horrible…" The glass shattered by the window, the rain becoming stronger and littering itself into Jake's hair, but he didn't care as he continued," But all this time, whenever I hurt you…I didn't feel anything, Mikey" His eyes watered," But now…I feel it all…everything and ahh…" He stopped, eyes fluttering as he fell forwards into the window, head hitting the window seal and grabbing his hair by the very edges and pulling, " It's all too much"

"I don't want to have this suicidal romance any more, love" Jake shakes his head a little bit, biting his hand.

Michael stepped back," I can help you Jake. I love you. I love you. I love you so fucking much."

"You wish you could. But who said that love ever wins?" Jake breathed in, slowly, in haling and exhaling in an irregular beat, " I wish you could too…"

"But I ca-"

"I killed Rory." Jake murmured.

Michael, who was in the middle of staring at his arms, snapped forwards," What?"

"It wasn't Kyle…or whoever the fuck I had blamed it on, I had killed him…but it was an accident…" Jake looked at Michael with a clouded smile as he nodded, "I…I haven't been the same since it happened"

"How did you kill him, Jake?" Michael whispered, eyes blinking back tears of shock.

"Don't cry…Michael" Jake shut his eyes, yelling " I hate it when you cry…"

"Tell me how you killed him Jake!" Michael yelled.

"I poisoned him, damnit, he was suffering, I didn't want to see him suffer…he was so sick, you saw him" Jake raised his voice, holding himself together with his arms, a blue fuzzy black and blue sweater draped around his arms and, since it was a little bit too big for him, it hung lower. He wiped the tears from his eyes as Michael looked at it he remembered how Jake had worn that exact same sweater the day before Rory had died.

Michael looked for Jake, thumbs in his mouth and rain plastering his hair into his eyes, as he searched around he heard crying, faint and weak, and turned around the corner, in the bushes and saw Jake propped up against the tree, laughing so hard he was crying.

He was having a nose bleed

"Jakey" Michael murmured, taking his thumbs from his mouth and squatting down besides his best friend, " What's the matter?"

Jake's fuzzy black and blue stripped sweater covered him and his overalls, his hair was cut short and his hands were pushed up against his nose bleeding, laughing.

"Jakey?" Michael whispered again

"How could you kill your own brother?"

"Every night….every night he'd cry himself to sleep! He was so alone, in so much….so much pain…Mikey! Mikey, didn't you see it in his eyes. Re- rmeber him and Jamie….that they- they were together. That is us. That will be us….dead. Look at Rory, he's fucking dead now. And Jami- Jamie…. You know he's practically gone as well. That will be us in a few years. Because Rory, like me, didn't appreciate what we had until it was too late. I just want to end this all now"

"That won't be us, we'll find a way to make sure it never happens. I love you too much, we've been through too much, to have you- have us stop now. We're getting married Jake. We're going to be happy."

Jake spun around, window open and wind spilling into it with rain and debris as he collapsed into Michael's arms, shaking and crying as he whispered, into Michael's ear," I just want for you to be happy…"He sniffed a little, closing his eyes, " But I can't let you go…"

Michael push him away slightly as he murmured back," Jake…I don't want you to let me go, don't let me go, okay?"

Jake shook his head, reached up, grabbed his hair and knotted his fingers into it, locking themselves together and pulled himself into Michael's face and placed a soft, chaste kiss on his cheeks and then ran a hand across his cheeks and looked into his eyes," When I die…"

"Jake?"

"I want you to know…that what we had…it wasn't extraordinary at all" He breathed, holding his hand tightly as Michael relaxed. " It was us…" He whispered," Just us…"

Michael nodded, tears spilling forwards," Just…us?"

"I love you Michael…I'm saving you…" Jake stammered, pushing off of Michael and over to the window seal and grabbed the gun.

"Jak-"

"Don't move!" Jake snapped, holding out his trembling hand. " I feel happy Mikey…can you forgive me…"

"For what?"

"Everything" Jake cried.

"Jak-"

"I just need to know!" Jake said, voice breaking.

"Of course…Jake…Jake no…" Michael stepped forwards, grabbing the gun in his hands and Jake snatched the gun on the other side, and they pulled.

"Let me finish this, please" Jake cried out," I don't want to hurt anymore"

"I can't live without you" Michael yelled back out," Please don't do this to me "

Jake shook his head sadly," You have to live without me, because all I have done, in my whole life, is cause pain, and I am so tired of this…hurt…this void…" He snatched the gun from Michael and pushed him up against the wall. Michael hit his head and fell downwards, shoulder slumped as his vision slipped in and out of consciousness he heard Jake laugh, one sincere laugh, pure, like old times and with a charming smile he glanced at Michael, happy, finally happy. "I finally got that gun, Mikey" He said, childish voice and Michael saw the little boy with a short hair cut and blue overalls standing in front of him with a cheeky smile.

And then the trigger went off.

And blood splattered the walls and the moment was over…

Everything was over.

_It's funny you know. I never thought that you'd live to see a wedding, let alone our own wedding. Isn't it amazing Mikey? That you and me….after all these years….would be together? Married? It's fucking amazing isn't it? When I think back to all the shit that I put you through I suddenly realized….I realized how special you are and how much you must love me to put up with me and my antics. I sure as hell wouldn't have. But that's why you're my better half. You're so lovely, Michael. I know I tell you that a lot, But it's true. And in a way- in a way you're my idol. I look up to you. And I wish that I could take back every single bruise and every single cut that I ever placed upon your body, as well as anybody else had. But I'm not going to mess up this time! We're going to be happy, once and for all. One way or another. We always find a way you know. We don't know any other way how. I'd just die if we didn't._

_-Jake's Wedding Vows._

* * *

**_ I'm going as far as I can go  
Away from here  
Away from you, Jake  
And the hole you've sunk me into  
I wish that I could belong here with you  
And just be  
_**

**_ But that's not all that I'm about_**

**_Your life is built on accidents  
Like meeting me  
You write everything down in your grocery list  
People do this  
Even insects buzz like airplanes  
Why can't we fly away  
I'm going as far as I can go_**

**_Your dad died, cuz his heart hurt  
Arking away his forty-five years  
Dragging your mom along  
Well I don't want that  
And neither do you, neither do you  
If I am not fun, and I am not interesting  
Perhaps I am not interested in you  
Neither are you_**

**_You can't stand in front of an oven  
When it's warm, cuz the fumes are dangerous_**

**_I'm going as far as I can go_**  
**_ Away from here_**  
**_ Away from you, Jake_**  
**_ And the hole you've sunk me into_**  
**_ I wish that I could belong here with you_**  
**_ And just be_**  
**_ But that's not all that I'm about to do_**

**_-_**  
"Jake" by Lisa Loeb

* * *

**Thankies Rain for giving me the poem, I loved them now that I really think about it. So that was the end of my upper downer whirlwind of a searies I have basically been writing this story for a year and I have to say that I love loved every minute of it. You guys...you guys are ace, you're gold, you beautiful wonderful people and I am so fucking glad that I met you all. Well, you know what I mean. You guys have helped me through more bad times then you have realized and made me smile when I didn't think I could smile anymore. So I love you all. Love you all so bloody much. Which is basically why I just can't go and fade away now. So I'm working on the sequel. Well, not the sequel, but we'll have the same characters, just a different setting and situatuion, ( Jake is not Marco's son anymore, nor is Michael suicidal. Adrian, Rory and Trent are indeed alive : dances: And the pairings are slightly different.) I can't believe it. Can you guys believe this is the first story that I actually ever finished? I mean, like the first long term one? I'd give a spoiler to the next story, but then that wouldn't be fair, now would it: LOL: So erm ja, it should be up in a month or so...no, I'm lying, it'll be up next monday. Why? Because I breathe writing. It's called 10 Second Warning, so watch out for it. I cannot say thank you enough**

**AN: Lmao, did you think I was gonna update that fast? LOVE. **


End file.
